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I NEED YOUR BAD JOKES!
none ^
| now
| me
Posted on 09/14/2002 9:01:38 PM PDT by Big Guy and Rusty 99
Hey All,
I need all the bad jokes you can think of . . . I am being forced to do 5 minutes or so standup on the radio show I work on. (She says she doesn't want me to do it anymore, but I have a feeling she'll spring it on me again.)I want to bomb badly. It's an Andy Kaufman thing.
Thanks,
BG & R 99
TOPICS: Heated Discussion
KEYWORDS:
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To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
What is the difference between a fighter pilot and a pig?
A pig won't stay up all night trying to take a fighter pilot home.
(Limited audience appeal joke)
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
If Java had true garbage collection it would delete itself at startup.
On a blank disk you can seek forever.
To: capitan_refugio
What do you call a man with no arms or legs who plays bass drum, accordion, trumpet, and cymbals at the same time?
Stump the band.
To: budwiesest
Yuk, yuk! ;)
To: Cultural Jihad
Q. What's in a Libertarian salad?
A. Lettuce alone.
125
posted on
09/14/2002 10:11:57 PM PDT
by
Roscoe
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
MaryJane marrys a man who has had half of his left foot amutated. He is very self conscious and she does'nt know it untill the wedding night. When she sees she runs out to the room and down to the hall where the reception is continuing. MaryJane says: 'Mommy mommy he only has a foot and a half'. Mom says: 'Stay here dear, I'll take care of him'
To: Jeff Chandler
Doc: Nurse, my ball pen doesn't work.
Nurse: That's not a ball point pen, that's a rectal thermometer.
Doc: Then some a**hole has my ball point pen!
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
If at first you don't succeed...skydiving isn't for you.
Save the Whales! Collect The Whole Set!
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one busted fan belt and two flat tires.
Foolish man give wife grand piano; wise man give upright organ.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
If you can smile in the face of disaster, you have obviously found someone to blame it on!
Baseball got it wrong - a man with four ball cannot walk.
And, from some truly bad "Only in America" files of mine...
Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than a cop or an ambulance.
Only in America will you find handicapped parking at an ice skating rink.
Only in America can you find automatic drive-up tellers with instructions in Braille.
To: Roscoe
Why did the freeper puritan wear his shorts in the bathtub?
He did'nt want to look down on the unemployed.
To: Doctor Stochastic
One day baby boy polar bear said to his dad, "Dad, am I a polar bear?"
Dad replied, "Yes, son, you're a polar bear."
"But dad, are you sure I'm a polar bear?"
"Yes, son, I'm sure you're a polar bear."
"Dad, are you really sure I'm a polar bear?"
Father polar bear is now losing patience, "Son, what's gotten into you today? Yes! I'm absolutely sure you're a polar bear. I'm your father and I'm a polar bear, your mother is a polar bear, your grandparents are polar bears. Why are you asking me if you're a polar bear?"
Baby bear hugs himself and shivers, "Well, it's just, it's just because it's so c..c..c..cold!"
To: Bad~Rodeo
LOL........
To: Doctor Stochastic
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
First atom: Man I lost an electron.
Second atom : Are you sure?
First atom: Yeah, I'm positive.
(Tadoop-Chish)
To: BluesDuke
Moby Dick isn't a sexually transmitted disease.
To: sarasmom
What happens when you eat at a German-Chinese restaurant?
An hour later you're hungry for power.
(Note: Germans don't think this joke is very funny.)
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
How do you know God is a civil engineer?
He ran a sewer line through a recreational area.
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
I heard this one back in 1995. It was a current events joke then.
Q: What's the difference between O.J. (Simpson) and Christopher Reeve?
A: O.J. will walk.
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
Bad Joke: Hillary Clinton
Worse Joke: President Hillary Clinton
To: Genesis defender
A: O.J. will walk.LOLOLOLOL
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
Q:What's the difference between a liberal and a puppy ?
A:The puppy stops whining when it grows up.
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trapped on the roof of a burning building.
In the nick of time, firemen arrive with a rescue net.
"Jump! Jump!", they say, and the redhead jumps. As she falls, the firemen move the net to one side. SPLAT!
"Just kidding!", they say to the brunette. "Jump! Jump!" She jumps and once again the firemen move to one side. SPLAT!
"Okay, we promise no more tricks! Jump! Jump!" they say to the blonde.
"Oh no you don't!", she replied. "I'm not jumping until you put the net down and move away from it!"
140
posted on
09/14/2002 10:22:42 PM PDT
by
ZOOKER
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