Free Republic 2nd Qtr 2024 Fundraising Target: $81,000 Receipts & Pledges to-date: $22,916
28%  
Woo hoo!! And we're now over 28%!! Thank you all very much!! God bless.

Keyword: satire

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • Free Speech Suppressed at Marquette University [semi-satire]

    01/25/2017 10:38:55 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    Professor John McAdams has been suspended for the past two years for questioning a colleague's suppression of free speech in his classroom. Marquette President Michael Lovell is adamant that "McAdams will not be reinstated until he confesses his error and apologizes for deviating from correct thought." The whole mess started in 2014 when McAdams posted his concern on his own blog that his colleague's policy forbidding students from disagreeing that gay marriage was a "good thing." "Informed opinion has determined that gay marriage is appropriate," Lovell argued. "We cannot abide a member of our university's teaching staff undermining this truth...
  • Illegal Alien Sues San Francisco [semi-satire]

    01/24/2017 11:40:02 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    Pedro Figueroa Zarceno has filed a lawsuit against the City of San Francisco for violating its illegal “sanctuary city” ordinance by turning him over to U.S. immigration authorities after he reported his car stolen. “They have violated the rights their law said I had,” he complained. John Cote, a spokesman for the San Francisco city attorney, defended the City, saying that “the sanctuary is intended to shield immigrants who have been charged with crimes, not those who are the victims of crimes. The fact that Mr. Figueroa owned an automobile indicates that he was trying to hop onto America’s ‘capitalist...
  • Obama Says Fox News, Rush Limbaugh Ruined His Presidency [semi-satire]

    01/24/2017 9:17:32 AM PST · by John Semmens · 15 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    In an interview with Lester Holt on NBC’s Dateline, President Obama blamed right wing media for “ruining my presidency. All the respectable sources saw the greatness I brought to the office. They were able to put the inevitable glitches into perspective and did not dwell upon them. This was not the case with those media that were out of step with their peers. Every misplaced dollar, every casualty overseas or domestically was mercilessly scrutinized and second-guessed by Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.” “When the choir doesn’t all sing from the same hymnal a cacophony of noise drowns out the positive...
  • THIS IS THE POLITICAL SATIRE THAT FINALLY STOPS TRUMP

    01/23/2017 8:23:39 PM PST · by OddLane · 50 replies
    McSweeney's ^ | January 23, 2017 | Jeff Loveness
    I’ve done it. After every failure by the political establishment, journalists, activists, concerned citizens, and media empires, I am pleased to announce that I have brought an end to the terror of President Trump by utilizing the greatest power of all: Comedy. It wasn’t easy. But heroism rarely is, and destiny never calls at a time of our choosing. So, at 12:34 AM, after reading one of his tweets, I take up the pen of justice. I channel the spirit of Voltaire, Twain, and Swift. I hold the mirror to society. I Photoshop Trump’s face onto Jabba The Hutt. I...
  • The Media Strikes Back at Trump [semi-satire]

    01/22/2017 3:36:55 PM PST · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    Stung by the network’s public humiliation as “fake news” by Donald Trump in last week’s press conference, CNN’s top executive, Jeff Zucker, vowed to strike back. “What Trump failed to consider is that cutting us off from direct access doesn’t affect our ability to shape how viewers will perceive him,” Zucker pointed out. “As he should know by now, his actual words and deeds pose no constraint on our reporting. And even though our audience share may be shrinking overall, we still dominate in public venues like airports and gyms. Further, there’s only one television network that is seen in...
  • Sanders Says American Poor Worse off than Poor Anywhere Else [semi-satire]

    01/22/2017 10:05:20 AM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    Despite the fact that the living standards of those in poverty in the United States exceed the standards of the middle class in most countries, recent Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders tweeted that "America's record is worse than virtually any other country on Earth." "A lot of people have been bad-mouthing Venezuela because of shortages of essentials and their high cost," Sanders said. "But the people are united by their equality. No one is allowed to hoard more than his fair share. And say what you will about Stalin's Soviet Union, but there everyone was guaranteed a job. Even...
  • Why Trump Won't Have To Worry About Protestors At The Inauguration (Trump Tweet)

    01/19/2017 5:38:26 PM PST · by grey_whiskers · 40 replies
    Twitter via Gab.ai ^ | Jan 19 2017 | Donald J Trump
  • Obama's Fabulous Farewell Fantasy [semi-satire]

    01/16/2017 9:38:19 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    In the midst of his lengthy farewell address, outgoing President Barack Obama averred that "one of my proudest accomplishments has been that there have been no Islamic terror attacks on my watch." A key to this accomplishment has been the clever reclassification of murders committed by self-professed jihadis as "other types of crimes." The murder of 13 unarmed soldiers at Fort Hood in Texas in November 2009 by a Muslim praising Allah during the shooting spree was characterized as "workplace violence" by the Obama Administration. The detonation of a bomb killing three and maiming dozens at the Boston Marathon by...
  • Fake Scandal Fails to Take Down Trump [semi-satire]

    01/15/2017 10:24:07 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    A bogus dossier alleging that Donald Trump paid Russian prostitutes to urinate on a hotel bed in Moscow has not had the impact that Trump’s enemies had hoped. The scheme hatched by CNN came unraveled when the Director of National Intelligence, James Clapper denied that the salacious document was prepared by any member of the U.S. Intelligence Community. Despite the lack of any evidence to support the mystery dossier’s claims, CNN went public with “news of” the “existence” of such a report hoping to insinuate enough dirt to damage the incoming administration while preserving its “journalistic integrity” by not actually...
  • Celeb Calls for Military Coupe to Avert Trump Presidency [semi-satire]

    01/14/2017 1:09:33 PM PST · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    Comedian/actor Rosie O'Donnell urged President Obama to order military rule "to prevent the inevitable tyranny Donald Trump will impose on America." O'Donnell's panic takes her long-running public feud with Trump over the edge into total madness. "A person who has shown no respect for me or the other members of the entertainment world has no business being the president of our country," she argued. "Sane Americans revere us for all we do to entertain and educate them. That Donald Trump doesn't is a slap-in-the-face to all the fans who pay to see us perform. He has insulted us all and,...
  • Obama Orders Cuban Escapees Sent Back [semi-satire]

    01/14/2017 9:22:14 AM PST · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    In his last week before leaving office, President Barack Obama overturned a 50-year US Government policy of allowing Cuban refugees who reach our shores to remain in the country. In contrast to the "dreamers" that Obama has declared must not be sent back to Mexico even though they entered the United States illegally, Cubans arriving without visas will be expelled. "Refugees from Mexico have a legitimate reason for coming to America," Obama said. "Their country's economy isn't providing sufficient jobs or benefits to support their survival. Cubans don't face this kind of hardship. Their government is dedicated to ensuring social...
  • DOJ Inspector General to Probe FBI [semi-satire]

    01/13/2017 6:15:33 PM PST · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    Department of Justice Inspector General Michael Horowitz announced "an in-depth probe of the strange pre-election day behavior of FBI Director James Comey. Despite the Attorney General's clear wishes that there be no investigation or prosecution of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Comey, who is subordinate to the AG, took it upon himself to issue a public statement announcing a reopening of such an investigation barely a week before the election. This insubordination had the effect of undermining Mrs. Clinton's campaign." "Everyone thought the message had gotten through to Comey when the FBI was denied subpoena powers to compel testimony,"...
  • Vince McMahon to perform “Stand Back” at Trump inauguration (SATIRE)

    01/11/2017 7:36:44 AM PST · by Ciaphas Cain · 10 replies
    Kayfabe News ^ | January 10, 20-7
    United States President-Elect Donald Trump announced via Twitter this morning that his Jan. 20 inauguration will feature WWE mogul Vince McMahon performing his 1987 smash-hit “Stand Back.” Although McMahon has not performed the song live since the 37th Annual Slammy Awards in 1987, he agreed to sing it in Washington because his wife Linda, an appointee of the Trump administration, told him to. The song is ostensibly a tribute to the late Andre the Giant, but Trump tweeted that it is “really about being a winner, and believe me, I’m a winner, bigly.” According to Washington insiders, the performance will...
  • Senator Has Concerns About Education Nominee [semi-satire]

    01/09/2017 9:27:11 AM PST · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    Sen. Patty Murray (D-WA), ranking Democrat on the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee expressed doubts about the fitness of President-Elect Donald Trump's nominee for Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos. "I appreciate that Ms. DeVos took the time to meet with me, I can't say that I would have done the same had our roles been reversed," Murray declared. "At our meeting she did nothing to allay my fears that she would continue to be an advocate for school choice. This pernicious ideology is founded on the absurd premise that individual parents ought to have the biggest say in...
  • Senator Warns Trump [semi-satire]

    01/08/2017 9:29:47 PM PST · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) warned President-Elect Donald Trump that "he's entering dangerous waters when he criticizes our intelligence community. Has he forgotten that the CIA has toppled dozens of governments around the world? Has he forgotten what they did to President Kennedy after he vowed to break up the Agency following the Bay of Pigs fiasco?" "I have my differences with Donald, but I wouldn't want to see him get his head blown off," Schumer said. "He needs to accept that there are limits to what he can do when he deals with these trained assassins." if you...
  • Precious Moments Releases Limited-Edition Figurines Depicting Violent Conquest Of Canaan

    01/08/2017 5:45:52 PM PST · by Gamecock · 103 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 1/6/2016
    CARTHAGE, MO—The popular line of cutesy Precious Moments figurines is getting a long-awaited addition with an upcoming “Conquest of Canaan” series of collectibles, sources confirmed Friday. The figures will include iconic events from the momentous time in Israel’s history, including the circumcision of all Jewish males encamped at Gilgal, the slaughter of the wicked inhabitants of Jericho, and the stoning of the deceitful pillager Achan. “We wanted to depict some of the bloody, violent bits of the Bible in an adorable way,” a Precious Moments representative said as she showed off a collectible set of the five corpses of the...
  • Senate Rejects Dem Proposal to Require 60 Votes to Repeal Obamacare [semi-satire]

    01/08/2017 10:02:40 AM PST · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    A move by Democrats to reestablish a rule that would require a minimum of 60 votes for any legislation to pass the Senate was repulsed by a 52-48 straight party line vote. Virginia Sen. Tim Kaine, recent vice-presidential running mate of Hillary Clinton, sponsored the 60 vote requirement and called the GOP's stance against it "unfair. For decades it had been the tradition in the Senate to permit the minority party to block legislation that couldn't obtain a super majority. Now just because former Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) eliminated this tradition when Democrats held the majority in the...
  • Kerry Mocks Peace-Mongers Abroad and at Home [semi-satire]

    01/07/2017 8:38:16 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    US Secretary of State John Kerry blamed former United Kingdom Prime Minister David Cameron and British members of parliament for thwarting President Obama’s plan to intervene in the Syrian civil war and confront the Russians. “When the President of the United States has decided for war you’d think our so-called allies would stand with us,” Kerry asserted. “However, a gutless Prime Minister Cameron insisted on getting his parliament’s approval before joining us in an attack. Well, parliament wouldn’t go along. President Obama was so miffed at this betrayal that he called the whole thing off. In hindsight, he probably should...
  • Assange Mocks Podesta [semi-satire]

    01/06/2017 10:40:25 PM PST · by John Semmens · 14 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    The Wikileaks publication of a raft of embarrassing emails hacked from Clinton Campaign Chairman John Podesta may have undermined Hillary's chances to be elected president. For his part, Podesta has complained loudly about presumed Russian involvement, claiming that "intelligence sources say only the Russians have the kind of sophisticated techniques required." Julian Assange, founder of Wikileaks, refuted Podesta's claim saying that "a fourteen-year-old could've hacked Podesta's email account. His password was 'password.' His email could hardly have been less secure." Podesta labeled Assange's assertion "grossly misleading. My password wasn't 'password.' It was 'passw0rd' with a zero. The chance that some...
  • Man Tortured in Anti-Trump Protest [semi-satire]

    01/06/2017 7:09:56 PM PST · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    An 18-year-old mentally challenged man was tortured for two days by Black Lives Matter-inspired criminals as "a protest against the racist Trump Administration." Four Chicago millenials—Jordan Hill, 18, Tesfaye Cooper, 18, Brittany Covington, 18, and Tanishia Covington, 24 beat, kicked, burned, and cut their victim while shouting "f*** Trump" and "f*** white people." Members of the leftist media at CNN and NBC were hesitant to judge the perpetrators too harshly. NBC News correspondent Ron Mott said "this incident strikes me as an example of youthful stupidity rather than a crime, per se. They posted a video of their interactions with...