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Keyword: satire

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  • World War I vets support Hillary Clinton (Satire)

    10/28/2016 7:52:08 AM PDT · by rey · 14 replies
    Duffleblog ^ | 28 Oct. 2016
    Early voting data shows World War I veterans overwhelmingly support Hillary Clinton WASHINGTON, D.C. — With over seven million votes cast so far in the U.S. presidential election, early voting data is pointing to a tight race in most key battleground states. But there is one battleground upon which the Donald Trump campaign appears to be headed towards utter defeat: The fight for votes from World War I veterans. With at least 25,000 World War I veterans casting their votes thus far, the party affiliation breakdown of submitted ballots is suggesting a hard break towards the Clinton camp among veterans...
  • How America Is Like A Bad Boyfriend

    10/26/2016 1:05:37 PM PDT · by Ulmius · 12 replies
    YouTube (CollegeHumor) ^ | December 4, 2014
    So a British chick is telling her to break up...
  • Administration Promises Saudis it Will “Fix” 9/11 Victims Law [semi-satire]

    10/25/2016 10:40:23 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Still smarting from a Congressional override of his veto of the Justice Against Sponsors of Terrorism Act, a law that allows victims of the 9/11 jihadi attack on the World Trade Center and Pentagon the right to sue foreign governments that aided the terrorists, President Obama has ordered Secretary of State John Kerry to work out a scheme with the government of Saudi Arabia to nullify the law. In a meeting held this week, Kerry assured Saudi Foreign Minister Adel al-Jubeir that “we will figure out how we can adjust the law in a way that is mutually satisfactory to...
  • Media Assails Trump’s “Wait and See” Stance on Election [semi-satire]

    10/24/2016 10:42:38 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The broadcast news “talking heads” went into hysterics following Republican presidential contender Donald Trump’s refusal to automatically concede on election night if it looks like the votes go against him. On CNN, the commentators proclaimed Trump’s stance “a threat to our democracy.” All professed to have never heard such a statement at any previous presidential debate. Which is true because no other candidate was ever asked this question. Whether Trump might have good reason to wait until he sees the election results for himself seems to be supported by several facts. On the one hand, there have been a number...
  • Libertarian Bewails "Double Standard" [semi-satire]

    10/23/2016 4:35:03 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Libertarian presidential candidate and former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson complained about the media's "double standard" after they ignored Hillary Clinton's geographic inaccuracy regarding Mosul while lampooning him as "an ignorant dope" when he failed to recognize "Aleppo." "I wasn't Secretary of State for four years like Hillary was," he pointed out. "I was peacefully minding my own business. Why should I be expected to know such minutia? But she is the one who supposed to be the world's smartest woman. She is the one who never ceases to remind us that she's got 30 years of experience in government....
  • Obamacare in "Transition Phase" [semi-satire]

    10/23/2016 10:56:27 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Health insurance premium hikes and dwindling service alternatives under the Affordable Care Act were described by President Obama as "a transition phase of the program." "Right now a lot of people are whining about having to pay more or having no choice of doctors or plans where they live," Obama remarked. "All of these complaints originate from a selfish individual perspective. Sure, some isolated individuals may have to pay more and get less, but in the more crucial issue of our progress toward collective social justice we are on track." Before Obamacare, annual family premiums for employer-provided coverage cost an...
  • Madonna Makes an Offer [semi-satire]

    10/22/2016 1:52:10 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 18 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Included in her introduction of comedian Amy Schumer at a New York City performance, pop star Madonna told the audience that “if you vote for Hillary Clinton, I will give you a blow job.” It was not clear whether this was an inducement or a threat. Audience member Richard Long of Queens found the prospect appealing. “Madonna said she’s not a douche and that she swallows,” Long pointed out. “That’s classy. Hillary’s got my vote.” In contrast, audience member Anne Chester of Manhattan wondered “whether this is the kind of thing a Clinton supporter ought to be saying. Look at...
  • Hillary "Horrified" by Trump's Abortion Comments [semi-satire]

    10/22/2016 11:08:56 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    At this week's debate, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton professed herself "horrified" by GOP rival Donald Trump's denunciation of partial-birth abortions as "ripping babies out of the womb" and criticizing the practice as "terrible" and "unacceptable." "Granted, the elimination of these near term fetuses is a gruesome procedure," she admitted. "But what's more gruesome is Trump's attempt to use these tragic medical interventions as a scare tactic to overturn the rights established by Roe v. Wade. For too long state legislatures across the country unfairly prohibited or restricted a woman's right to an abortion. Fortunately, in 1973 the Supreme Court...
  • Pope Francis Names Archbishop Cupich As His Successor [Humor/Sarcasm]

    10/22/2016 7:52:45 AM PDT · by ebb tide · 4 replies
    Eye of the Tiber ^ | October 11, 2016 | Admin
    The Vatican announced this week that Chicago Archbishop Blase Cupich has been selected to be Pope Francis’ successor after the 79-year-old pontiff hits the age of retirement next year. Cupich told worshipers yesterday that he was “so very grateful and humbled by the news that he would be given the opportunity to wreak havoc upon the Church while wearing white.” Cupich, 67, will receive his “white hat” in Rome on December 18, 2017, the day after Pope Francis turns 80. Cupich’s succession to the papacy also means he will have his choice of who will succeed him in the future....
  • DNC Chair Assails Videos of Democrat Election Fraud [semi-satire]

    10/21/2016 10:41:55 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 23 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The Democratic National Committee Chairperson Donna Brazile assailed videos from Project Veritas declaring that "these stolen tapes should not be permitted to be viewed by voters prior to the election. Posing as a Democratic Party intern for the purpose of secretly gathering inside information is just a lowdown dirty trick." In a testy exchange with Fox News' Meagan Kelly, the DNC replacement for the previously disgraced Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, who was forced to resign after leaked emails revealed that she was leading an effort to rig the Democratic nomination process to benefit Hillary Clinton, Brazile attempted to divert attention from...
  • CDC Warns Of U.S. Cholera Epidemic (Satire)

    10/21/2016 4:11:16 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 1 replies
    10/21/16 | RetiredTexasVet
    CDC director Tom Frieden warned today of a possible cholera epidemic in the U.S. Frieden had originally thought that the cholera was related to the Zika mosquitoes and limited to Florida but CDC investigators proved otherwise. CDC investigators identified hundreds of cholera cases in Illinois with Chicago being the center of the outbreak. Investigators determined that 40 Haitian men were bused in from Florida to vote. The Haitians were part of a program by the Obama Administration to accelerate the nationalization program for thousands of Haitian refugees before the election. It was determined that the men were promised by local...
  • SC Justice Sotomayor Expresses Regret (Satire)

    10/20/2016 6:12:51 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 9 replies
    10/20/16 | RetiredTexasVet
    Today, in an exclusive interview with Alt-Right investigative reporters, Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor expressed her regret about the baseball bat statement concerning deceased SC Justice Antonin Scalia. She expressed regret that the Obama Administration had taken him out before she could get to him with her favorite custom made "Raptor" baseball bat. She had dreamt of the day she would catch him alone behind the Supreme Court where she would kneecap him first and then use Raptor to deliver the final killing blows when he begged for mercy. She stated that she had a visceral hate for him because...
  • More Democrat Election Fraud [semi-satire]

    10/18/2016 11:11:23 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In two new undercover videos obtained by Project Veritas Democratic Party workers openly talked about “dirty tricks.” In Florida, Wylie Mao, a field organizer for the Clinton campaign said that ripping up registration forms from Republicans would be “cool strategy. It works on several levels. Every Republican we sign up can be completely neutralized as a voting threat. He thinks we’ve turned in his registration form. So he doesn’t go and register with the County Recorder on his own. He tootles along until election day when he tries to vote. Since his name isn’t on the official list the best...
  • CNN Irked at Chant [semi-satire]

    10/17/2016 11:01:27 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In a post-debate campaign rally GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump continued his charges of media bias by referencing the three-on-one (two moderators and Hillary Clinton vs. Trump) format of the Sunday night face-off. The crowd began chanting “CNN sucks,” much to the dismay of a few CNN “talking heads,” including Chris Cuomo, Alisyn Camerota, Brian Stelter, and Bill Carter. Cuomo characterized the crowd response as “dangerous and unprecedented. We haven’t treated Trump any differently than any other Republican nominee. All of them—Romney, McCain, Bush—took it in stride without complaining. That Trump would make an issue out of it shows his...
  • Wikileaks Exposes Democrats' Disdain for Catholicism, Latinos & Blacks [semi-satire]

    10/16/2016 10:57:57 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    One of the latest batches of emails made public by Wikileaks revealed that key Clinton supporters have expressed low opinions of Catholic doctrines. Clinton campaign communications director Jennifer Palmieri labeled them "backwards." Center for American Progress (a public policy advocacy organization founded by Hillary Clinton's 2016 Campaign Director John Podesta) senior fellow John Halpin called conservative interpretations of the religion "an amazing bastardization of the faith." And Podesta has been working with billionaire financier of left-wing causes George Soros to promote a "Catholic Spring" modeled on the "Arab Spring" that has successfully replaced the secular government of Egypt with jihadi...
  • Clinton Boasts of Diverting Funds from Terrorists [semi-satire]

    10/15/2016 4:09:35 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In one of the Clinton emails Wikileaks published this week former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton acknowledged that American "allies Qatar and Saudi Arabia are providing clandestine financial and logistic support to ISIL (ISIS) and other radical Sunni groups in the region." Qatar and Saudi Arabia have also been very generous to the Clintons. Back in August they each ponied up a million dollars as a birthday present for former President Bill Clinton. Far from being embarrassed, Clinton boasted that "this represents $2 million that was diverted from funding terrorists. I challenge Trump to prove he has diverted a single...
  • RAF Has "Green Light" to Fire on Russian Jets [semi-news]

    10/15/2016 10:41:56 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The risky nature of the United States' entanglement in the Syrian civil war ratcheted up a notch when pilots of our NATO ally, the United Kingdom, were given the okay to shoot down Russian fighter aircraft if they feel threatened by them. Current Secretary of State John Kerry and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton have both spoken of the "need to confront Russia" in Syria. At last Sunday's presidential debate Clinton contrasted her strong stance in support of a "no fly zone" in Syria with presidential rival Donald Trump's "cowardly preference for avoiding the steps necessary to counter this...
  • Clinton Campaign Calls Wikileaks "Violation of Constitutional Rights" [semi-satire]

    10/15/2016 12:38:47 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The flood of emails obtained from Clinton confidants detailing repeated instances of illegal, dishonest, and despicable behavior has provoked a howl of protest from the Clinton for President campaign. "Lest anyone forget, let me remind them that these emails were purloined surreptitiously and illegally," campaign manager Robby Mook complained. "By invading the privacy of people actively supporting Secretary Clinton's election they have been forced to unwillingly testify against themselves. This compelled testimony is as flagrant a violation of the Constitution's guarantee against self-incrimination as we have ever seen in a political campaign in our nation's history." Among the revelations contained...
  • Voter "Irregularities" Popping Up Across the Nation [semi-satire]

    10/11/2016 11:08:48 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    As election day grows nearer reports of voter irregularities are surfacing in numerous locations around the country. In Texas, the Attorney General's Office is investigating a vote-harvesting scheme involving as many as 20,000 bogus ballots in Tarrant County. The vote harvesting scheme entails Democratic Party operatives "helping" the elderly, mentally incapacitated, and the economically disadvantaged fill out their ballots, if not actually forging signatures and manufacturing non-existent voters. In Philadelphia, a spot check by Joseph Vanderhulst, an attorney with the Public Interest Legal Foundation, found that 86 non-citizens have been registered to vote for years with half of them casting...
  • Court Rules States Cannot Reject Refugees [semi-satire]

    10/10/2016 12:20:49 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Judge Richard Posner, writing for the three-judge panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit, ruled that "governors have no authority to reject Syrian refugees being sent to their states. Neither do mayors, landlords, or homeowners have the right to block the placement of refugees in their towns, buildings, or households if that is what the President determines is in the best interest of the country. The idea that any of these other parties can refuse to cooperate in the refugee relocation program just because they deem it dangerous is not supported by law or the Constitution."...