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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – A rising chorus of congressional Republicans are calling on President Obama to acknowledge that the pop singer Beyoncé lip-synched during his inaugural festivities on Monday and resign from office, effective immediately. “By lip-synching the national anthem, Beyoncé has cast a dark cloud over the President’s second term,” said Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky). “The only way President Obama can remove that cloud is by resigning from office at once.”

If the "baby" looks familiar, it should, I recycled it from this July 2011 post.

Liberalism, it doesn't get much better for America's enemies, example 1,000,001 is Hillary Clinton's Benghazi testimony...

This is an ("enhanced") shot from the private ceremony held the day before the public one. I didn't know this was done prior to the big event, but it was...

Crappy Inauguration Day!

Egyptian President Mohamed Morsi says those criticizing his rants against Jews “are taking my remarks out of context.” “It is easy for those living in comfort to overlook the incessant insult the Jewish prosperity in Israel inflicts upon its neighbors,” Morsi complained. “Faced with the same inhospitable environment as we are in Egypt, the Israelis mock our grinding poverty by living well. They have no oil wells, no gold mines to make them rich. That they are makes us look like fools.” Morsi attributed Jewish prosperity to “satanic powers. What else could it be? The Prophet (peace be upon him)...

A report issued by the Combating Terrorism Center at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, N.Y. Warned against the dangers posed by the “far right” in America. “There are elements in America that are excessively concerned with possible corruption or tyranny stemming from government,” wrote Arie Perliger, author of the report. “These elements place individual freedom and self-government ahead of respect for those duly authorized to govern them. They cannot be counted upon to obey directives designed for the public good and may evolve into a serious internal opposition to the government.” The report contrasted “the obstructionist nature of...

President Barack Obama is asking every American to help celebrate his second inauguration by “making an effort to serve America and your community by donating your time to the public good.” “Too many Americans are wrapped up in selfish pursuits most of the time,” the President said. “They place ‘making a buck,’ spending time with friends and family, and enjoying life ahead of serving others. What I am asking is that on the day of my inauguration everyone divert themselves from these egocentric activities and do something useful for their fellow human beings.” Obama suggested that “participating in a food...

In a startling follow-up to his spate of new gun laws which were passed last week, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo today announced his new 'Gun-Snitch' program in which both adults and children will have a chance to turn in the name or names of potentially violent gun criminals for money. Cuomo announced a new 1-800 number (1-800-RAT-CALL) which you can call 24/7 to provide the New York State Police with the name and address of any person you know has a gun. Children are encouraged to call and accuse their parents as well as other family members and friends....

Nobel Prize winning left-wing economist Paul Krugman maintains that concern about bloated government spending and multi-trillion dollar debt is unwarranted. “The right-wing enemies of President Obama are playing on the average person’s fears of bankruptcy in order to limit his power,” Krugman said. “While it may be true that an individual who owes more than he can pay could face financial ruin, the same is not true for the Government.” “A key difference is that most individuals’ income is restricted to what they can earn by offering services in the marketplace,” Krugman continued. “Government, though, doesn’t have to earn its...

Attorney General Eric Holder is asking a federal court to absolve the Department of Justice (DOJ) from complying with the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) because “not to do so would inflict irreparable harm.” The DOJ action came in response to a suit filed by Judicial Watch. The suit is aimed at obtaining public information on DOJ’s “fast and furious” scheme to supply guns to Mexican gangsters. “There is no need for the people at Judicial Watch or, for that matter, anyone to know the details of this now defunct federal undertaking,” Holder insisted. “My Department has taken the necessary...

Representative Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) made a strenuous argument for limiting the number of bullets a given gun ought to be able to fire before needing to be reloaded. “I find the argument that a person might need more than two or three shots to defend himself from an assailant unconvincing,” Nadler said. “I mean, if you're that bad of a shot giving you more bullets seems like it would be a greater threat to public safety than if the attacker murders you.” Nadler maintained that “a dispassionate look at the numbers is what I'm arguing for. A victim wildly spraying...

This was inspired by #ConservativeKidLetters at Twitter, which was inspired by the obnoxious Kabuki theater that has been the letters from kids urging Obama to press for gun control.There's a reason children aren't allowed to make such decisions, but there's also a reason liberals think their opinions are valid.         

Colon Powell has filed suit in Federal Court (in Washington, DC) claiming he is not being protected under the Endangered Species Act as required by law. Black RINOs are an endangered species and the Federal Government is not doing enough to protect him. He claims that he has been openly shunned and "disliked" on Facebook by the evil Tea Party. Conlon has sued to have the court order the Tea Party to "like" him on Facebook and invite him to parties. Gov. Chris Christie has joined the suit stating that as a Blue Whale RINO, that he is not being...

Barry O. withdrew his request to create a new Department of Corruption. Barry stated that those evil Tea Party House Members were mounting serious opposition and he decided to withdraw the request. Citing the urgent need to efficiency and transparency in the corruption arena, Barry has issued an Executive Order changing the name of the Justice Department to the Department of Corruption. Using the Executive Order allows Eric "the corrupt" Holder to remain in charge of the department without Senate approval. Eric has stated that he would like to recruit several of the recently resigning heads of other departments and...

CBS has issued a copyright infringement notice to ABC, NBC and CNN. It has come to the notice of CBS that the named networks are infringing on CBS's "fake but accurate" copyright. A recent example is that all three networks reported the hoax of the Notre Dame football player initially as true but later changed the story to fake but avowed that the story was reported accurately. NBC was especially egregious in an infringement when editing the tapes of the white Hispanic and when called out about the editing of the tape stated that although the tape was a fake...

Basically...the end of existence.

Watching Piers get destroyed last night on his show Dana Loesch and Scottie Hughes was something of a treat. Morgan wanted to hang his hat on the second amendment applying to tanks. It was pretty darn funny.The annoying thing about it is that liberals, the constitutional loose constructionists who found a right to abortions, via a right to privacy, via the fourteenth amendment (which says nothing about privacy, much less inferring that said privacy is a good enough impetus to allow infanticide) would think it's crazy that the second amendment would be "loosely" interpreted to include anything that could be...