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A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied "Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke...

I bought a new Dodge 3500 Ram Tri-Flex Fuel Truck It'll run on hydrogen, gasoline, or E85. Had to go back to the dealer because I couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice-activated. 'Nelson', the technician said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie!' he continued, and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers. Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant 'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven', I'd get beautiful...

Southern Humor A guy from ALABAMA passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'till she's 14. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How do you know when you're staying in a MISSISSIPPI hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How can you tell if a GEORGIA redneck is married? There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in ALABAMA to 32? It seems they want to...

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2" strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department. After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview. The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all...

Post any political jokes, cartoons, stories, anecdotes, etc!

Yeah, all the recent news about leftists rising to the occasion with their witchcraft weirdness has provoked me into making up some totally stupid jokes that will lower your intelligence by a few points. You've been warned! Question: "What dark witchcraft do leftists use to torture basic arithmetic so that jacking up taxes by $32 trillion over the next ten years to pay for 'Medicare for All' will somehow 'save money'?" Answer: "A 'cackle-later'." Get it, huh? Huh? It works on two painful levels if you think about it! Hee-hee-hee! Question: "What's the difference between a leftist and a starved...

**SNIP** In Thursday's episode, Clinton walks into the newsroom to interview for a job as Murphy's secretary. The former secretary of state claims that she is not Hillary Clinton but someone who looks like her and has a wealth of experience. "Your reputation precedes you, but I want you to know I'm not afraid of hard work," Clinton said to Murphy. "I'm qualified and I'm ready on day one." Murphy asks the job seeker several questions, including one about her experience with technology. "I do have some experience with emails," Clinton responded. Clinton faced criticism during her losing presidential campaign...

ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT A PUBLIC GOLF COURSE Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: What are your green fees? Staff: 38 dollars. Caller: Does that include golf? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you First, is this your correct phone number? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: I'd like to reserve a tee time in two weeks. Staff: Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. Caller: What's the weather going to be like that day? Staff: Golf course, may I help you?...

A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT BLONDE FEMALES FLOAT AROUND THE INTERNET BUT SOME MAY BE SURPRISED THAT THERE IS A WHOLE GROUP OF JOKES ABOUT MEN THAT MANY DO NOT SEE. ENJOY THIS OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN. One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE !' And they say blondes are dumb.... A couple is lying in bed. The...

I would like to start with some very funny stuff from a funny man - President President Reagan... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fovs12cxYe4

They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.” The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.” The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth...

For a fun-filled break click here!Good ol' UNCUT Looney Tunes, Merrie Melodies, Tom & Jerry, Flintstones and more.

Astute Observations There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipsh*t's. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. I live in my own little world, but it's OK. Everyone knows me here. I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Left Tackle?” I don't do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. I don't like political jokes. I've seen too many get elected. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in...

A senior couple returned to a Corvette dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top. The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply, "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $85,000 asking price. Yet I just overheard you closed the deal for $72,000 to the lovely young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model." The salesman...

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it...

With Father's Day quickly approaching, you may find yourself at a loss as to what to buy dear old dad. If he reads Townhall, then you have it made. However, for the few of you who find yourself in that awkward situation where you suspect your father might just be a snowflake, here's a helpful guide in both identifying telltale symptoms and helpful gift antidotes.

Not to be outdone by a self-proclaimed D-list celebrity, the folks over at the ultraliberal Huffington Post are now getting in on the action as well, but instead of attacking the President, their hate is a little more universal. A Huffington Post editor used a homophobic slur, made anti-Semitic Holocaust jokes, and tweeted about hating police officers in old tweets, The Daily Caller has learned. Philip Lewis currently serves as the front page editor for the widely popular left-leaning site Huffington Post. Lewis’ Twitter page has a number of anti-Semitic jokes, including vile jokes about the Holocaust. He once tweeted,...

Liquor! Guns! Bacon! Tits (the birds of course) Happy April Fools Day fellow freepers!

In light of complaints surrounding tax reform, the IRS has published an updated Form 1040. Please ensure you file using the following:

They were the leaders of the free world, but presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama didn’t let that responsibility get in the way of a little fun.(snip) While Bush made a practice of making fun of himself, the Obamas were known to good-naturedly tease their employees. For Bernard’s first day at the White House, he wore an orange Hermès tie that he second-guessed all morning as staffer after staffer commented on it. Then, he arrived in Michelle Obama’s office to greet his new boss. “Oh, my . . . your tie!” she exclaimed before bursting into laughter and going in for...