Posted on 11/04/2018 1:20:39 PM PST by Az Joe
Post any political jokes, cartoons, stories, anecdotes, etc!
But they said no happy endings.
Boom sha ka laka!!
25% of Hillary Clinton supporters are being medicated for mental illness. That means the other 75% aren’t being treated.
Obama Time
Michelle Obama dies and goes to heaven, and she’s in the waiting room to see Jesus.
There are clocks everywhere, not a single square inch of wall or ceiling doesn’t have a timepiece. Some of them don’t seem to be moving. St. Peter comes out and calls her name.
“I’m here” she says. “What’s with all the clocks?”.
St. Peter says “Everyone who has ever lived has a clock here. Every time they tell a lie, their clock moves forward by one minute. This is George Washington’s clock. As you can see, it’s one past midnight, so he only told one lie.”
“Oh” Michelle said. “Where’s my husband’s clock?”
“That’s in Jesus’ office” St. Peter replies. “He uses that as a fan”.
Bill Clinton was taking a jog in Chappaqua with his Secret Service detail. A hooker at the corner said, “hey Bill $100”. Bill said “$5”. The next day the same thing. Then Bill was taking a walk with Hillary and at the corner the hooker shouted “see what you get for $5”.
A reporter asked President Trump what he thought of Alec Baldwin’s arrest for a fight over a parking space.
Trump responded,
“Who?”
Yes, I hate the woman so much I keep a list of the ways that people insult her in print and have done so for 30 years.
No I do not advocate vigilante violence against her though I hope she dies extreme pain.
Some of these are really funny, others are off color. Some are the best political jokes of the 20th century.
Since the other political website I hang out on does not allow curse-words and has a length limit this is the only place to see the list.
The Hillary Nickname List
Ancient Shrew
Auntie Christ (A favorite)
B**** of Benghazi
BIAPS (Bill in a pantsuit)
Bigfoot
Bigfoot’s fat sister
Bill’s dishonest 2/3s
Bill’s Hill
Billiary
BJ’s wife
Brain Dead Harpy
Bitchlary Clinton
Butcheress of Benghazi
Cacklebeats
Cankles
CCIAPS (Crooked Criminal In A Pants Suit)
Chubble Cheeks
Cloven hoofed pig monster.
Countess Dracula
Coughing Crook
Crooked Hillary
Crusty (Like the alcoholic clown on the Simpsons)
Deceptive Doyen
Dinglebillary.
Dumbo
Elephant legged One
Empress of the Galaxy (In her own mind)
Every man’s ex-wife
Fainting Felon
Fat Bottomed Girl/Wench/Bitch
Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit
Fetid Female Felon
Frankenhill
Fraulein Irma Bunt
Granny Benghazi
Grand Chancellor of Neptune (I don’t understand this one)
Granny Pickels
Grasping Grifter
Her Darkness
Her Exalted Cankleness
Her of whom we do not speak (From the movie The Village)
Her Thighness
Her Heinousness
Her Royal Drunkenness
Herpes Rodham Clinton
Herself
HiLIARy
Hilarious Rotten Criminal
Hillary Rob-Them Clinton
Hillary Rottenhams Clintoon
Hildabutchbitch
Hilabeans
Hildabeast
Hildo
Hilabitch
Hiladevil
Hiladog
Hildahog
HilaKraken
Hilaliar
Hillapickels
Hilathighs
Hillareah
hillarhea
Hilawhale
Hilawitch
Hillary Rotten Clinton
Hilolita
Hitlery
Horking Hillary
H*****y
‘illary
il D*uche
Jebette
Killery
Kruella D’Hillary
Lady Lucifer
Ma Butcher
Madame Benghazi, the Cold & Joyless (a personal favorite)
Madame Bobble Head
Madame Heinous
Matriarch of the Clinton Crime Family
Miss Fort Marcy Park
Miss Whitewater 1982
Monster In A Pantsuit
Mr. Clinton
Mr. and Mrs. Stainmaker
Mrs. Clintdog
Mrs. Hubble
Mrs. Shameless
Mrs. William J. Clinton
Mrs. Ed Zackly
National Ex-Wife
Nurse Wretched
Overthehillary
Pantayit
Pantsquatch
Pantsuit Piggy
Pantsuit Princess
Phlegm Fatale
PIAPS (Actually The PIAPS)
Piano Legs
Pickels
Princea Paintsuit
Prevaricating Petunia
SIAPS (Stalin or Satan in a Pants Suit)
SWMNBP (She who must never be president)
Satan in a Pantsuit
Satan’s Prom Queen (A personal favorite)
Seig Heillary
Seth Rich’s Nightmare
Shitllary
Shrillary
Sideshow Blob
Sir Edmund
Smartest woman in her own mind
Soon: LOSER
Spawn of Satan” or just “Spawn”
Swamp Snake Queen
The Cankles Queen
The Crookedest Clinton
The Crooked lying Old Bitch
The Devil’s daughter
The Devil’s Mistress
The Devil’s Liege Lord
The Felon
The Harridan
The ISIS Queen
The Great White Whale
The last person to see Vince Foster alive
The least self-aware woman in the world
The phlegm from hell
The Pickle Queen
The putrid puppet
The Other Woman.
The Venomous Harridan
The Whore of Islam
The wife of Monica Lewinski’s boyfriend
The Screech
Thunder Thighs
Ubershrew
Uranium Saleswoman of the Century
Vamhillary
Vince Fosters’ Murderer
Wicked Witch of Little Rock
I like the one about the plastic surgeon who hung himself. - Tom
You are obsessed, but you’re also very clever.
Those are funny as heck! I laughed.
Somebody should create a deck of Flash Cards, each one with a depiction of ‘Herself’ using names from that list.
Such Flash Cards would probably become as popular as Tarot Cards, and for the same reasons.
Genie - Revival
Bill Clinton was driving past the White House when he accidentally ran over the Obama’s new puppy, Sunny, crushing it flat as a fritter.
He climbed out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught. He knew Michele would go ballistic.
Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out.
“You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment,” said the Genie “As a reward I shall grant you one wish.”
“Well,”said Bill, “I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this damned dog.”
They walk over to the splattered remains of Sunny. “Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?” Bill asked.
The Genie looked at the remains and shook his head. “This critter is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Maybe there’s something else you’d like?”
Bill thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. “I had an affair with this beautiful young girl called Monica,” said Bill, showing the
genie the first photo. “But I’m actually married to this woman called Hillary” and he showed the genie the second photo. “You see Hillary isn’t beautiful at all,
so do you think you can make her look like Monica?”
The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, “Damn, let’s have another look at that dog!”
Dad’s Will
A man was telling his buddy “You won’t believe what happened last night.
My daughter walked into the living room and said, “Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. Don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.”
“Wow,” replied the friend, “she actually said that?”
“Well, she didn’t put it quite like that. She actually said, ‘Dad, meet my new boyfriend — Mohammed. We’re going to work together on Hilary’s election campaign!’”
I heard KFC was offering a 6 piece “Hillary” special: 2 small breasts, 2 large thighs and 2 left wings
In an interview, Hillary said that she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad, the two of them needed to share a bedroom.
Nancy Pelosi will be house speaker. Maxine will be the financial wizard. Schiff will be head of the senate intelligence committee and Hillary will run again. Don Lemon will get a raise? Beto is 1/1024th Irish?
Hillary told Donald Trump while at Ginsburg’s funeral that she wanted to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Donald replied, “But you’re not dead yet, Hillary.”
Do you all know why the Siamese twins moved to London ?.......... The other one wanted to drive .
Shortly after Bill and Hillary Clinton died they met Hitler, Stalin, and Mao having their break...
Actually, the right ending has never come to me but I’m sure I’ve got the location right. Feel free to fill in the ending.
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