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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • Jeff Sessions Just Ran Out of Cover in the Andrew McCabe Case

    04/19/2018 1:07:42 PM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 52 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    The Evening Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Well, now we know why Andrew McCabe needed that half million dollar legal defense fund. The fired ex-Deputy Director of the FBI is really on a roll when it comes to having criminal referrals filed against him: Yesterday, he gets one from 11 members of the U.S. House of Representatives, and today he gets one lobbed out in his direction by Department of Justice Inspector General Michael Horowitz. Bang! Boom! Pow! It’s like he’s playing a bad guy in an episode of the 1960s TV version of Batman. The IG’s referral...
  • #ThrowbackThursday: Life Was Better When We Drank Either Coke or Pepsi

    04/19/2018 7:57:10 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 29 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 4-19-18 | MOTUS
    Here are the facts: Two black real estate agents walk into a Starbucks…trigger warning! Racism ahead! They are waiting to meet a (white) real estate developer – isn’t it just like a white guy to disrespect a couple of black men by being late – and they aren’t going to order anything until he arrived to pick up the tab.They were planning to eff with the barista by ordering a couple of Flat WhitesOne of the (black) men asked for the key to the restroom while waiting and was denied because a) company policy states restrooms are “for customers only”...
  • In Three Weeks, America Will Find Out Who Jeff Sessions Really Is

    04/19/2018 4:56:04 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 58 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Florida Republican Congressman Ron DeSantis, along with 10 other GOP members of the House, sent a letter to Attorney General Jeff Sessions and FBI Director Christopher Wray on Wednesday, detailing formal criminal referrals against James Comey, Hillary Clinton, Loretta Lynch and Andrew McCabe. While Sean Hannity and other conservative radio and TV talk show hosts played the letter up as if it is a momentous event, the truth is that it makes referrals that are already being acted upon by the Attorney General. Sessions has already and repeatedly made it clear that...
  • Ernest P Worrell's Best Commercial Ever!

    04/18/2018 1:28:51 PM PDT · by BBell · 14 replies
    This 31 second commercial is guaranteed to cause any snowflake who views it to wet themselves as their knees buckle while they are sprinting for their safe space or nearest closet with their phone in hand so they can call their help line.
  • Fresno State Prof. Randa Jarrar: Anatomy of a Self-Destructing Nitwit

    04/18/2018 1:02:42 PM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 40 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Tired of all this Winning yet? – Within a couple of hours of the announcement that former First Lady Barbara Bush had died at the age of 92, Fresno State English professor Randa Jarrar issued a tweet celebrating the event: “Barbara Bush was a generous and smart and amazing racist who, along with her husband, raised a war criminal. F*** outta hear with your nice words.” After she’d gotten pushback from other Twitter users, she followed that little ditty up with: ““PSA: either you are against these pieces of s— and their...
  • Black Man Shakes Down Starbucks “Reparations”

    04/18/2018 9:40:00 AM PDT · by BBell · 53 replies
    This black individual thought it would be a good idea to shake down for “reparations” because Starbucks is “racist.” The dumb barista obediently gives him his free cup of coffee. Sheeesh!
  • "Dave Rubin: Return to Stand Up Comedy, Touring with Jordan Peterson" [excerpt]

    04/18/2018 8:18:51 AM PDT · by Voption
    The Rubin Report/YouTube ^ | April 11, 2018 | Dave Rubin
    "If you want to join me in spreading these ideas of freedom and individuality in person I'll be joining Jordan Peterson on his 12 Rules for Life tour for as many events as possible -- most of these dates are sold out already, but some tickets are still available."
  • “We’re Going To Need a Bigger Porn Star”

    04/18/2018 7:23:20 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 40 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 4-18-18 | MOTUS
    Future historians will look back on the early 21st century and tag the development of the Twitter platform as the final nail in the coffin of civilized speech. It turns out that enabling people to empty their mind at the same speed with which they can empty their digestive tract produces essentially the same product.  Submitted as evidence, tweets from Randa Jarrar, Trigglypuff Palestinian/American Professor - currently employed by the English department at Fresno State - commenting on the death of Barbara Bush:Ranna Jaffra, Trigglypuff Professor of Fiction, Fresno State University, in one of signature posesOh whoops, apparently Triggly...
  • Trump and North Korea: Proof The Reagan Doctrine Works

    04/18/2018 5:12:11 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 7 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Barbara Bush, America’s matriarch, Rest In Peace. Tired of all this Winning yet? – It turns out that not everybody in California is crazy after all. On Tuesday, the San Diego County board of supervisors became the latest local government to vote to support the Trump Administration’s lawsuit challenging the Golden State’s sanctuary state law. The County joins neighboring Orange County and cities like San Juan Capistrano, Los Alamitos, Huntington Beach, Aliso Viejo, Mission Viejo and Escondido in opposing the state’s open borders law. All of the cities and counties listed above...
  • Planned Parenthood Calls Legislation Racist [semi-satire]

    04/17/2018 11:52:28 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 April 2018 | John Semmens
    Planned Parenthood complained that two new laws enacted in Tennessee to deny tax payer funding for abortions "hurt women of color." Sarah Wallet, the medical director for Planned Parenthood of Greater Memphis, asserted "this legislation is racist. Women of color are especially dependent on government funding for their abortions. To deny them access to public monies for this purpose does them irreparable harm." Though the legislation does not block abortions financed by organizations or individuals using non-government sources of funding, Wallet was still adamant in her objections. "The original mission of Planned Parenthood as envisioned by founder Margaret Sanger was...
  • So Cheap You Can’t Afford to Meter It

    04/17/2018 7:19:11 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 10 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 4-17-18 | MOTUS
    While the wheels of justice turn slowly (just in: Cohen can review seized docs but judge will decide who vets what investigators can see) the economic engine just keeps rolling along: Kroger sweetens employee benefits as it moves to ramp up hiring Kroger announced Monday new investments in employee benefits, education and wages as retailers across the board are spending more on their employees to keep pace in a tighter labor market. Last week, Kroger said it planned to hire for 11,000 new positions, including 2,000 management roles. At that time, it said would invest $500 million in associate wages...
  • This is America, Where Fake News Reporting Now Wins Pulitzers

    04/17/2018 5:00:40 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 8 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Tired of all this Winning yet? – Heads had to be exploding all over the fake mainstream news media on Monday, as President Trump hit 51% approval in the Rasmussen Survey and several other polls showed the President’s approval ticking upwards. These results have to be maddening to all the fake reporters and editors who wake up every day intent on slanting their reporting against the current POTUS in their tireless efforts to reverse the outcome of the 2016 national election. Even worse for the fake media and its masters at the...
  • Economy Continues to Be Battered by Tax Cut Law [semi-satire]

    04/16/2018 11:03:37 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 April 2018 | John Semmens
    News that US corporations expect the recently completed first quarter of 2018 to be the “best ever” has reignited Democrat promises to repeal the tax cut enacted late last year. Vermont Socialist Sen. Bernie Sanders called the news “supremely depressing. To think that a democratically elected legislature could take such a heartless action to endorse the heightened expropriation of the surplus value of labor that Marx demonstrated is owed to the working class is shameful. It is essential that voters elect a socialist majority this Fall so Congress can repeal this abomination.” House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) pledged “to...
  • The Science Is Settled: Carbs Are Causing Global Warming

    04/16/2018 7:51:43 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 40 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 4-16-18 | MOTUS
    Science writer Gary Taubes has a knack for subverting conventional wisdom. Sixteen years ago, he published a groundbreaking feature article in The New York Times Magazine arguing that decades' worth of government-approved nutritional advice was flat-out wrong, ideologically motivated, and contributing to rising rates of obesity and diabetes. Traditional dieting guidance attacking fatty food and praising carbohydrates, he wrote, was based on "a big fat lie." – The Man Who Hated Carbs Before It Was Cool Of course Dr. Atkins had been saying essentially the same thing for 30 years before Taubes wrote his article for the NYT. But...
  • Comey’s Utter Lack of Any “Higher Loyalty” Irrevocably Changed American History

    04/16/2018 5:03:10 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 32 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Former FBI Director James Comey thinks Donald Trump is “morally unfit” to be president. In other news, Carrie Underwood made a fabulous comeback appearance on the American Country Music Awards program, and the “Big Sexy”, 44 year-old, 285 lb. Bartolo Colon, tossed a perfect game through 7 innings against the world champion Houston Astros before finally giving up a walk and a hit in the 8th inning of the Texas Rangers’ 3-1 victory. Thus, Sunday night featured two fabulous performers showing the world they still have what it takes to thrill their...
  • Comey’s ‘Tell All’ Book Published [semi-satire]

    04/15/2018 6:02:13 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 April 2018 | John Semmens
    The “tell all” book written by James Comey, the FBI Director fired by Trump on the advice of FBI Deputy Director Rod Rosenstein in May of 2017, was released to reviewers this week and will be released to the general public next week. In sum, the book tries to make the case that Trump is “unfit to govern.” “What most people don’t realize is that Trump is much shorter than me,” the Ex-FBI Director wrote. “I’m 6′ 8” and he is only 6′ 3”. That’s a whole five inches shorter. And that’s not his only five-inch shortage. I peeked in...
  • Rise and Shine

    04/15/2018 7:24:30 AM PDT · by NOBO2012
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 4-15-18 | MOTUS
    The swiftest hours, observed as they flew—Towards this afflicted fancy fastly drew;And, privileg’d by age, desires to knowIn brief the grounds and motives of her woe.— Shakespeare It’s Sunday again – already? What happened to last week? Based exclusively on the bad weather and relentlessly bad news – I’m already sick of Comey and he hasn’t even officially started his non-apology tour - I’d say good riddance. However, I’m getting a bit too old to be so cavalier about time’s passage so I’ll just note that it wasn’t the best week ever and let Judge Jeannine put Comey in...
  • Another Sunday, Another Trump Tweetstorm

    04/15/2018 6:02:32 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 31 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Tired of all this Winning yet? – Hey, Californian’s, you’re in luck! The feds are going to audit Governor Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown’s high speed rail project, and, if the audit is conducted honestly, will likely conclude that it is time to cut off funding for the single biggest boondoggle in American history. Yes, dear readers, it isn’t bad enough that California’s utterly corrupt Democrat political class has already wasted billions of Californians’ dollars on this high-speed rail pipe dream, they’ve also already wasted $3.5 billion federal dollars, and are planning on wasting...
  • Lord Zuckerberg? Lord Farquaad?

    04/14/2018 5:29:43 PM PDT · by marktwain · 2 replies
    Gun Watch ^ | 15 April, 2018 | Dean Weingarten
  • FaceBook CEO Testifies, Apologizes to Congress [semi-satire]

    04/14/2018 10:06:48 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 April 2018 | John Semmens
    FaceBook CEO Mark Zuckerberg underwent two days of interrogation before members of the House and Senate looking into his firm's invasion of privacy and political misuse of personal information. The tech wiz apologized for "allowing this information to fall into the wrong hands" and vowed to "introduce procedures to prevent any recurrence of the tragic event that befell the nation on November 8th 2016." In an effort to persuade members of Congress that "we are on the case," Zuckerberg cited a couple of recent measures he said "will hopefully purge dangerous content from using FaceBook to promote antisocial attitudes and...