Posted on 08/24/2015 7:54:10 PM PDT by Kaslin
Consider this your evening palate cleanser, appropriately alcohol- and China-related in light of today’s drink-inducing rollercoaster ride on Wall Street. Sorry aspirants — this year’s Alcohol Olympics are over, and we have ourselves an undisputed gold medalist. Raise the flag and strike up the band:
We’ve all been stopped at airport security with a forgotten bottle of water, which we can either toss away or drink quickly in front of airport security. But what happens if that liquid is not water, but an entire bottle of European cognac? For airline passenger Miss Zhao, there was only one solution: slam it back at once. Zhao was transferring to a Wenzhou flight at Beijing Airport at noon on August 21 when she was stopped at airport security. A worker told the woman in her forties that she was not able to bring the imported cognac through the security checkpoint in her carry-on. As it was too late to transfer the cognac to her checked-in luggage, Zhao did what any responsible person that hates wasting food would do: she sat down in a corner and drank the entire bottle of cognac herself.
But to paraphrase Hillary Clinton’s top spokesperson, it seems as though Ms. Zhao didn’t quite think this “solution” through:
That created a new security problem though, and it had to do with the bottle of cognac that was now inside her. Zhao started acting wildly and yelling incoherently. Due to her massive inebriation, when Zhao fell to the floor, that’s where she stayed. When police arrived at the scene, they decided not to let her board her flight out of concern that she had become a security risk to others and herself as Zhao was travelling alone. Zhao was taken to a convalescence room and was checked out by a doctor. It wasn’t until 7pm when she sobered up and realized what she had done. Zhao was eventually released by police to her family who had come to Beijing Airport to escort her home.
Look, I know exactly what you’re thinking, and I agree wholeheartedly: Surely Ms. Zhao has conducted herself heroically enough to launch herself onto Deez Nuts’ Vice Presidential shortlist. Eligibility issues aside (at 15, Mr. Nuts himself is two decades too young to be president), Zhao’s epic performance at Beijing airport security ought to be sufficient to earn her a serious look. Plus, her selection would admirably troll the 2016 contest’s most skilled troll:
Trump: We have to uncouple from China http://t.co/8CJdQBU4bo #fortress
— Allahpundit (@allahpundit) August 24, 2015
Alas, Nuts has already announced that he’s leaning heavily toward picking Limberbutt McCubbins, a cat (D-KY), as his running mate. Nuts recently endorsed Gov. John Kasich and Sen. Bernie Sanders to win their respective parties’ nominations, emphasizing that he endorses himself in the general election. The high school sophomore is a self-identifying libertarian. Sources close to the Nuts campaign say several top aides are urging the candidate to reconsider his decision, arguing that balancing the ticket with a hard-drinking 40-something female Chinese national might appeal to several key demographics. Nuts is polling at eight percent in his native Iowa, and could play the spoiler role for Hillary Clinton in the battleground state of North Carolina:
I just brought two big bottles of Irish whiskey back from Ireland as a carry on. Maybe the cognac was already opened and I missed that part?
Yeah most likely
I thought the Chinese couldn’t handle their liquor?
Oh — wait. She didn’t!
“To what end? To get fired?”
Ugg dude.
How about a new official policy, stuff that’s “not allowed” that people inadvertently try to bring carry-on are tagged with the owners name and gathered in boxes, the boxes are loaded on the plane with the rest of the cargo. People that aren’t fools could do it quickly enough.
Makes too much sense for the government and corporate idiots I guess. Better to use fear and paranoia as an excuse for union whores to steal stuff.
>>You must work for TSA and are highly offended.<<
I do not. I am a frequent traveler who is bemused and amused by you worm-eaters.
So, other than being slowed by long lines (which existed long before TSA), were you abused? Felt up? Had your junk grabbed?
Is it worth it to limit your world so much for a few minutes of inconvenience?
As I said — there is very little difference between pre-TSA and post-TSA: The long lines were always there. The biggest thing is the liquids and the shoes. Before TSA, in the early days of laptops, they used to makes us turn them on (and what a major hassle if your battery was dead).
You remember a time that never existed and limit yourself based on rumor and anecdotes.
But, hey, it is your extremely limited world.
Coincidence?
Nah.
I’ll chalk you down to a pliable squish willing to do whatever the government tells you to do.
Lord knows the GOP has enough.
>>How about a new official policy, stuff that’s “not allowed” that people inadvertently try to bring carry-on are tagged with the owners name and gathered in boxes, the boxes are loaded on the plane with the rest of the cargo. People that aren’t fools could do it quickly enough.<<
This will be paid for, how? How to repatriate the liquids with the right owners? Who gets it to the right flights? What if you didn’t check on baggage? You can put iquids (all you want) in your baggage now. You want to have liquid baggage at the security checkpoint? You want everyone in line behind you to wait while you fill out a liquid baggage tag? What is to keep the bottle from breaking during handling? Ever seen how luggage is thrown? Now we hire a special bottle baggage handler? What if a $1000 bottle of cognac is broken? Whose liability is it? I 100% guarantee the airlines are not going to do this.
Who interfaces between TSA and the airlines? Right now it is TSA and the passenger only. Adding a layer of interface between what might be hundreds of airlines can only be good, right?
Imagine 1,000 fragile bottles an hour, going to 250 flights between 2 agencies — you think LUGGAGE is a difficult?
Other than those and about 1,000 other reasons, your idea is great.
My husband was visiting family over the past week and his sister gave him a bottle of Stoli Elit. (strange since neither of us are drinkers but, eh, whatever). He forgot he had it and only brought a carry on. They quickly confiscated it at security. It’s a $60 bottle of vodka. It’s ridiculous what we tolerate in this country.
>I’ll chalk you down to a pliable squish willing to do whatever the government tells you to do.<<
An I will chalk you down to an ignorant little chicken who is so afraid he will have to do what had to be done BEFORE the TSA he has limited the rest of his life to a 250 mile radius and values his time at $5.00 an hour.
I have no love for the TSA but truth is truth. And I note how you ignored my question about your abuse at the hands of the TSA — since there was none.
See you in Maui.
Oh, wait I guess not. Ever.
OK, see you in NYC. I’ll be there tomorrow after a 5 minute security wait abd a 4 hour flight. You’ll be there next Saturday at the earliest.
Don’t be a negative Nancy. ;d
Why would I care about slave/groping-travel when I have freedom at home?
Enjoy your X-Rays.
>>It’s a $60 bottle of vodka. It’s ridiculous what we tolerate in this country.<<
Your alternative? He could have gone back and figured out a way to pack it — if he had a carry-on he could have put it in that and checked the carry-on.
You do know about binary-liquid explosives, right?
Why would I care about slave/groping-travel when I have freedom at home?
>>I think Al Bundy used to travel like you.
Enjoy your X-Rays.
>>I haven’t been through an X-ray in almost 10 years, except at my Doctor’s office.
Why do you care so much about others travel choices? Do you want more air travelers in line and in seats with you?
>>Don’t be a negative Nancy. ;d<<
Sorry — after 3 million air miles one learns more than a little bit about airline logistics. Which is why it pisses me off that the flight computer on the plane can state within about 30 seconds when we will land yet when we get there they say we have to wait for the gate crew (you have known our exact landing time for 2 HOURS - *SURPRISE!?”)
yep...
I’m bettin’ she’s way north of 5’-0” and 100 lbs.....
Let’s say it wasn’t 750 ml. since she survived.
If it were half of that she’d have to be 150 plus.
Prior to all the new rules, do you think people were bringing bottles of cognac and vodka aboard?
There was a story like this some years back (I remember it because I posted it, LOL) where a guy got ticked off at a check-in at a German airport because he couldn’t bring a bottle of vodka onto the plane. That guy chugged it right in line...and died of alcohol poisoning shortly thereafter.
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