Posted on 08/24/2015 7:54:10 PM PDT by Kaslin
Consider this your evening palate cleanser, appropriately alcohol- and China-related in light of today’s drink-inducing rollercoaster ride on Wall Street. Sorry aspirants — this year’s Alcohol Olympics are over, and we have ourselves an undisputed gold medalist. Raise the flag and strike up the band:
We’ve all been stopped at airport security with a forgotten bottle of water, which we can either toss away or drink quickly in front of airport security. But what happens if that liquid is not water, but an entire bottle of European cognac? For airline passenger Miss Zhao, there was only one solution: slam it back at once. Zhao was transferring to a Wenzhou flight at Beijing Airport at noon on August 21 when she was stopped at airport security. A worker told the woman in her forties that she was not able to bring the imported cognac through the security checkpoint in her carry-on. As it was too late to transfer the cognac to her checked-in luggage, Zhao did what any responsible person that hates wasting food would do: she sat down in a corner and drank the entire bottle of cognac herself.
But to paraphrase Hillary Clinton’s top spokesperson, it seems as though Ms. Zhao didn’t quite think this “solution” through:
That created a new security problem though, and it had to do with the bottle of cognac that was now inside her. Zhao started acting wildly and yelling incoherently. Due to her massive inebriation, when Zhao fell to the floor, that’s where she stayed. When police arrived at the scene, they decided not to let her board her flight out of concern that she had become a security risk to others and herself as Zhao was travelling alone. Zhao was taken to a convalescence room and was checked out by a doctor. It wasn’t until 7pm when she sobered up and realized what she had done. Zhao was eventually released by police to her family who had come to Beijing Airport to escort her home.
Look, I know exactly what you’re thinking, and I agree wholeheartedly: Surely Ms. Zhao has conducted herself heroically enough to launch herself onto Deez Nuts’ Vice Presidential shortlist. Eligibility issues aside (at 15, Mr. Nuts himself is two decades too young to be president), Zhao’s epic performance at Beijing airport security ought to be sufficient to earn her a serious look. Plus, her selection would admirably troll the 2016 contest’s most skilled troll:
Trump: We have to uncouple from China http://t.co/8CJdQBU4bo #fortress
— Allahpundit (@allahpundit) August 24, 2015
Alas, Nuts has already announced that he’s leaning heavily toward picking Limberbutt McCubbins, a cat (D-KY), as his running mate. Nuts recently endorsed Gov. John Kasich and Sen. Bernie Sanders to win their respective parties’ nominations, emphasizing that he endorses himself in the general election. The high school sophomore is a self-identifying libertarian. Sources close to the Nuts campaign say several top aides are urging the candidate to reconsider his decision, arguing that balancing the ticket with a hard-drinking 40-something female Chinese national might appeal to several key demographics. Nuts is polling at eight percent in his native Iowa, and could play the spoiler role for Hillary Clinton in the battleground state of North Carolina:
Well, that’s one way of handling it. ;-)
Well, if I saw MY pilot do that, I’d be nervous.
I see international flights, but domestically?
Who the hell wants to fly and get felt up/x-rayed?
I drive. And have, driven some 12000 miles across the country in trips that I refused to fly on.
A less greedy person might’ve shared the cognac and been able to get on the flight.
At my age getting felt up is the best part of the trip!
She should have passed the bottle around. Probably would have had lots of help. Alcohol kills germs too.
You know that headline can be taken two ways.
HAH! TMI!
That reminds me of a concert I went to when I was 19.
I think I dated her in college.
A more reasonable fascist government would have let her take the damn bottle on board.
I’d have poured it out before I’d let the TSA thugs drink it.
Ha! Was thinking the same thing. At least share it.
>>Who the hell wants to fly and get felt up/x-rayed?
I drive. And have, driven some 12000 miles across the country in trips that I refused to fly on.
<<
That is so silly it is incredible. TSA rarely if ever touches anyone anymore (especially since the “don’t touch my junk” incident) — and in 2 million miles (which is thousands of airport entries) since they were formed I was never touched besides my biceps.
I have found them to be very professional and many have developed a sense of humor (my standard joke: “I am gay and I want that cute female agent over there to frisk me”).
Your time must be very cheap. For example, going to Las Vegas from L.A. is a 45 minute flight or a 5 hour drive. You must be worth, what, 5 bucks an hour?
And, of course, you are limited to North America. You will never see Bali or Europe or even Hawaii (Kauai is amazing!).
You can drive to Rio but it will only take you a week.
I, OTOH, have then entire world at my slightest whim because I have firsthand knowledge and you have — what do you have again? Did the TSA rape you or something?
“A less greedy person might’ve shared the cognac and been able to get on the flight.”
You have not met very many Chinese ladies have you.
My neighbors Chinese wife sponges of the local food bank even though her servant American husband brings home plenty of 6 figure $$$. Yeah, she’s a real piece of work. Most of them are friggen crazy.
I’m reminded of Bluto from “Animal House”. I’m surprised she lived.
>>A more reasonable fascist government would have let her take the damn bottle on board.<
You know there is a scientific reason why liquids can’t be taken past security, right?
Or is a binary bomb cool with you? 2 chemicals, 1 reaction, BOOM!
They have been working on a scanning technology but so far it isn’t ready for prime time.
LA-NV
Lets see. 1 hour, 5 minutes flight, plus 45 minutes to an hour and a half for security.
Versus 3 hours 45 minutes driving.
Plus I still have my own vehicle.
I’m with you.
During the 80s and into the 90s I racked up mega miles on Frequent Flier programs mainly with American Airlines. I was in the old “grandfathered” setup where the miles never expired.
Bottom line, Early and mid 90s I used up all my miles for free travel and premiums. Since the birth of the TSA I have been one one flight, Chicago to Miami round trip.
And never again.
The car we bought in 2007 is well into its second hundred thousand with a new motor. Long distance driving is my new hobby.
I’ll fly again when one of two things happen - either they disband the TSA or I get rich enough for my own jet.
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