Chapters 1-4 of my new novel, "Dimensions" (first draft)

Original Content | 3/5/2024 | By Laz A. Mataz

[Lazamataz]

Please, if you have taken the time to read this, critique it. Tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly. Be genuine, savage me if you feel you must, compliment me if it is warranted.

This will be the first four chapters of a sci-fi novel, written by yours truly with significant and important help from a freeper named piytar.

[Lazamataz]

Ping

[EEGator]

Read after work.

[piytar]

Thanks for posting! Any feedback from fellow Freepers would be greatly appreciated!

[Yo-Yo]

BFL

The most important question about this book, coming from Laz: How are the sex scenes?

[Lazamataz]

Asking for as detailed a feedback as you can afford the time for.

[laker_dad]

Mark = Laz?

[Lazamataz]

Asking for as detailed a feedback as you can afford the time for, or do so privately if you wish.

[AAABEST]

Juze usually aren’t that good at fist-fights - so I’m surprised you’d start Jason and Mark in one.

lmao

[Lazamataz]

Mark = Laz?

Nossir, I am not a cunning linguist like Mark is. :^)

[Lazamataz]

Juze usually aren’t that good at fist-fights - so I’m surprised you’d start Jason and Mark in one.

This scene definitely seems out of place, but it has an expositional purpose... one you will discover many more chapters into the novel.

[daniel1212]

Please, if you have taken the time to read this, critique it. Tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I did not get past the first line. Recourse to vulgarity (even via ellipsis) may get attention, but so does passing gas, and adds about the same quality, and aligns you with demonic Hollywood, in which alluding to the bedroom or a bathroom is obligatory, and only degrades.

[Lurker]

Will read it later.

L

[Lazamataz]

This is my first attempt at a science fiction novel. I'm looking for honest feedback. Be savage, be complimentary, be funny, but above all, be geniune.

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[gitmo]

Bookmark for later when I’m back home.

[Lazamataz]

I did not get past the first line. Recourse to vulgarity

Fair enough. I do want to draw the reader in immediately, but as you demonstrate, some people will not like that. Appreciate your feedback.

[laker_dad]

That was going to be my next question. :)

Having spent way too many years reading code, I am not the best person to evaluate your writing. A man has got to know his limitations... Good luck with the novel, Laz.

[Lazamataz]

I actually do exist in this novel, but I am spread between two characters, introduced in the fourth chapter.

[AAABEST]

Just messin’ with ya Laz.

If you like feedback, you’re at your best when you write funny.

I STILL laugh, to this day, whenever I even think about “AlGoreWhacky” or “I’m Staying.”

[StAntKnee]

Be happy to help. I’ve some expertise as author of several how-to references for Writer’s Digest. Published fiction at several legacy houses like Dell, Penguin, and Berkley. I’ve been a newspaper editor and magazine editor and worked at major papers, including the Dallas Morning News.

In return, you’d visit my “sometimes-funny, sometimes-disturbing” Substack novel and comment occasionally AND fire off the occasional ping to your list to recommend it. (I don’t want “honest feedback.” I want praise. And I need for everybody on your Ping list to further recommend to at least half a dozen others on social media.)

I could remark publicly in posts here to inspire discussion among our learned colleagues. Or go private. Your call.

Deal?