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Chapters 1-4 of my new novel, "Dimensions" (first draft)
Original Content | 3/5/2024 | By Laz A. Mataz

Posted on 03/05/2024 5:25:36 AM PST by Lazamataz

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To: Yo-Yo
P.S., the sex scene between Jason and Sarah had better be good...

Jason privately confided in me, "I'd hit it."

😂

61 posted on 03/06/2024 7:45:42 AM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: Lazamataz

Are you planning to self publish via Amazon or submit your work to a publisher?


62 posted on 03/06/2024 7:49:12 AM PST by EEGator
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To: EEGator
Are you planning to self publish via Amazon or submit your work to a publisher?

Unsure. Let's create the product first.

63 posted on 03/06/2024 8:05:08 AM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: Lazamataz

Good call, I get carried away…


64 posted on 03/06/2024 8:35:18 AM PST by EEGator
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To: Lazamataz
At the beginning of chapter three, the suits will confirm their identities by checking creds, not just by questioning, because they are being taken to meet the SecState. If not inside the airport, then after they get in the vehicle before leaving the airport.

Other points I noticed have already been mentioned.

Independence Day, Close Encounters, Alien Nation, District 9 - don't go there. I'll allow for a little MIB, though.

65 posted on 03/06/2024 8:36:55 AM PST by AF_Blue (My decision-making skills closely resemble those of a squirrel when crossing a road)
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To: AF_Blue

Don’t sweat it. The only similarities between my work and others you cited, are that one fact: Hovering presences over capitals. Other than that, things will be totally different.

Trust me on this.


66 posted on 03/06/2024 8:38:31 AM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: daniel1212

Excellent. You should expand it yourself, you’ve got some pretty good word smithing there.


67 posted on 03/06/2024 8:57:02 AM PST by null and void (I identify as a conspiracy theorist. My personal pronouns are told/you/so.)
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To: daniel1212

Excellent. You should expand it yourself, you’ve got some pretty good word smithing there.


68 posted on 03/06/2024 8:57:07 AM PST by null and void (I identify as a conspiracy theorist. My personal pronouns are told/you/so.)
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To: null and void; daniel1212

It was worth repeating...


69 posted on 03/06/2024 9:04:29 AM PST by null and void (I identify as a conspiracy theorist. My personal pronouns are told/you/so.)
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To: null and void

As far as repeatedly and redundantly posting things often, doing it over and over again repeatedly day in and day out multiple times all the time on a repetitious basis, maybe you did. 😂


70 posted on 03/06/2024 9:48:11 AM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: Lazamataz

Microsoft Word is out to get you. Would have put an ! but know that is a no, no.

The author of the very popular “Outlander,” also used an online group to help her write the first book that turned out to be a series. Worked out pretty darn good for her. Have you read them? It seems to be a love or hate the books situation. Such is life, one mans...you know, the thing.


71 posted on 03/06/2024 1:45:41 PM PST by WHATNEXT?
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To: Lazamataz
Nossir, I am not a cunning linguist like Mark is. :^)

You know, when I was in the Air Force, I used that very line on a pretty young female Air Force linguist, and she never did get the joke. And I never got the date...

I like it so far, and I'm eager to read more. I'm a HUGE fan of sci-fi!

1) A couple of things that I'm not clear on:

When you first described the discs hovering over all the world's capitols, I imagined a disc that was perhaps a mile or more in diameter, or at least several football fields in diameter. Mark said that it was larger and much brighter in person than he imagined from seeing it on TV, which only reinforced my initial impression on how large the disc must be. I guess I made my initial impression of the scale of the disc based on all of the alien invasion movies and TV series I've watched in the past that had alien spaceships hovering over cities including Independence Day, V, and District 9, to mention but a few.

And on the day that he arrived in D.C. and saw the disc in person for the first time on his ride in from the airport, Mark saw that there was an incomplete scaffolding rising up to the disc, but the disc was still clearly visible from his car window, so the structure was not yet enclosing the disc.

Yet only two days later when he meets his team for the first time not only is the scaffolding complete, there's an elevator, exercise rooms, studies, showers, a kitchen, bedrooms, and all the amenities for long-term 24 hour living by a team of 6 in the structure, as well as technical equipment such as computers and monitors installed. And the structure supposedly completely encompasses the disc to shield it from public view.

If the disc is indeed at least several football fields in diameter, and presumably several hundred if not a thousand or more feet above the ground, it doesn't seem credible to me that so much construction work could have been completed in only the two days between the time that Mark first saw the disc and when he meets his team inside the facilities surrounding the disc. That to me seems more like many months' worth of work, if not years, even it were a top national priority given unlimited federal funds and resources.

2) In Chapter 3 there is a minor typo: The next twenty minutes was spent filling out security forms, Nondisclosure agreements, and an application for and AN Eyes Only security designation.

3) Hurry up and write some more, I want to know what happens next!

P.S.: There's no Transgender on the team. Huge faux pas in 2024. Good for you! I listen to podcast short sci-fi stories from Analog magazine, and I swear every single story has a transgender character.

72 posted on 03/06/2024 4:01:30 PM PST by Yo-Yo (Is the /Sarc tag really necessary? Pray for President Biden: Psalm 109:8)
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To: Lazamataz
I agree with what others have said. This is a really good start for a first novel. Need to clean up things a bit and yeah, there's a bit of over-use of adverbs. Sometimes less is more. Give it more "umph" if that makes sense.

I like the cadence of this. It reminds me a little of William Shatner's TekWar novels. That's not a bad thing.

73 posted on 03/06/2024 4:48:44 PM PST by Ciaphas Cain (Fascism: It can happen here. It DID happen here. It's STILL HAPPENING here!)
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To: Lazamataz

Good job Laz, I like it.


74 posted on 03/06/2024 6:11:59 PM PST by wjcsux (On 3/14/1883 Karl Marx gave humanity his best gift, he died. )
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To: StAntKnee; Lazamataz
StAntKnee,

Sounds like very solid advice. Any aspiring fiction writer will get value from your comments...

Laz,

Congrats. Sounds like a splendid start on a novel. But it's no surprise to say that because I've already seen you write a wide array of great stories that get people engaged.

I'm a former telecom industry analyst/journalist and lived in the Greater Atlanta area.  On a lark, I once attended a local writer's group and discovered there's a vast network of people eager to write fiction and gain either fame (and not so much fortune) doing so.

The group is uses Meetup.com to publicize itself and is called Atlanta Writes. I

The meeting involved meeting for lunch at a Atlanta area restaurant (an Irish pub actually) and submitting beforehand a sample of one's work for review and commentary. It was a pretty young gathering. Sorry, no supermodels there :-)

But I remember the two or three organizers had some solid advice to give -- the kind of advice StAntKnee just delivered for you.

75 posted on 03/06/2024 6:28:34 PM PST by poconopundit (Kayleigh the Shillelagh, I'm disappointed in you....)
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To: Lazamataz

I enjoyed it. I assume the initial scene will make more sense later on?

I saw you had a thorough review from an actual editor, so I have nothing really useful to add.

I was drawn in and would certainly continue to read the story.

I don’t think Mark couldn’t know that many languages.
I base this on nothing actual…


76 posted on 03/06/2024 6:36:45 PM PST by EEGator
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To: poconopundit

Many thanks for the compliment. Do you write? Either fiction or nonfiction?

What I’m learning (repeatedly) is that the biggest hurdle to achieving a readership is the ability to market. If to the legacy industry, you must market like crazy to agents. If self-publishing, well . . . to the world. My next project as a writer is to learn how to do that better.

I read some great advice from Taleb in The Black Swan. To the effect that one of the industries where you can create your own positive Black Swan is in publishing, and your opportunities are increased only if you get your writing out there.

One of my first steps is to help other writers, as many as I can, to advance their work. And, yes, there’s a self-serving interest, but that is how the bulk of civilization works—people helping each other. Not, as we so often see in the stories posted here, one segment of society tearing down others to elevate themselves.

Again, thanks for the commentary. I’m waiting to see if Laz comes back to seek more advice on structuring his story, which has a terrific potential.

Best, Jim


77 posted on 03/07/2024 6:21:11 AM PST by StAntKnee (Add your own danged sarc tag)
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To: StAntKnee
For most of 30 years I was a self-published industry analyst in the telecom industry. And I had a journal as well.

Self-publishing has changed quite a bit in that time. When I started my business, I collected industry information via paper literature -- yes, that's right -- paper, as in brochures and so-called white papers I collected via the U.S. mail because this was before the internet and PDF documents.

When the internet took off, the companies selling into special marketplaces began creating lots of deep content to promote themselves. And Google has also leveraged written expertise and analysis to make many billions of dollars selling advertising to the same people I sold to. It's an interesting story.

But in the last several years I've also gotten great satisfaction writing vanities on FR.

Interesting to hear you like Nassim Taleb. I wrote a vanity about him here.

78 posted on 03/07/2024 2:09:48 PM PST by poconopundit (Kayleigh the Shillelagh, I'm disappointed in you....)
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To: Lazamataz

Bttt

5.56mm


79 posted on 03/07/2024 2:16:03 PM PST by M Kehoe (Quid Pro Joe and the Ho have got to go. )
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To: poconopundit

Thanks for the link. I read the entire piece because I admire Taleb’s thinking so much. And his willingness to lash out at people like T. Friedman. Content-wise, I find the remarks to be an extension of Black Swan. My copy of Swan is full of marginal notes, highlights, and Post-Its.

I tend to read people like Kahneman and Taleb to learn lessons to apply to writing.

I found your intro to be very well written. Coherent and conversational. Wonderful job. I admire that kind of writing. Surprised that you haven’t taken that talent to a commercially viable hobby or pursuit.

Next up is to follow the link to the Taleb-Kahneman discussion.

Thanks again.


80 posted on 03/07/2024 4:27:23 PM PST by StAntKnee (Add your own danged sarc tag)
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