12/22/2019 10:57:13 AM · by Magnatron · 96 replies
War Room ^ | 21 December 2019 | Staff
Posted on 01/16/2020 3:04:36 PM PST by Impala64ssa
WORLD—Airports around the world are reporting record revenues after introducing a long-awaited feature: the ability to turn off CNN on television sets in their terminals.
For just one quarter, you can turn off CNN for a full fifteen minutes while you're waiting for your flight, leaving you with the "far superior" experience of just staring at a blank screen.
"At long last," said one man waiting for his flight at LaGuardia as he dropped a few dollars' worth of quarters into the "Turn CNN Off" slot. "Honestly, I might fly more now." He's not alone: airports expect a 426% uptick in traveling over the holidays as flyers no longer have to worry about having the droning words of CNN hosts pounded into their heads for hours on a layover.
The feature has been one of the most-requested by travelers along with the dismantling of the TSA and pretzel bags with more than 3 pretzels in them.
The money-making move has inspired moments of human compassion and unity as travelers lend each other money or leave quarters behind atop the television sets for future travelers to turn off CNN. One anonymous philanthropist at DFW prepaid for over a year of CNN-less travel throughout the terminal.
"It's great to see what humanity can accomplish when we unite," said one man at LAX as he rummaged through his pockets to lend a quarter to a woman who wanted to turn off the CNN screen near her. "Here you go, miss. Enjoy your flight!"
CNN is protesting the move, saying it has cut their viewing audience in half, leaving them with just one.
A similar program is being rolled out in hospital waiting rooms throughout the country.
Babylon Bee subscriber Brent Powell contributed to this report
If you have a phone app with the universal remote, you can switch the channels. Every chance I get when I see CNN on the screen.
Hilarious
Great Idea...
I was at Detroit airport 4 weeks ago, terminal was packed, not a single person was watching CNN, asleep, looking at their phone or eating. But CNN pays to be in airports, they have an advertising package that sells to advertisers, they use their CNN presence in airports, selling those eyeballs, it is fraudulent.
I can’t be a philanthropist but I’d work damn hard to become one if this were an option!
Babylon Bee filling the void left by Mad magazine.
Not a bad idea, even if it is fake.
I can tolerate CNN. It’s “The View” I can’t stand.
I wish it was true too but in reality I’d guess it would somehow violate the multi-million dollar contract CNN has with the airports.
Doesn’t CNN pay these places to have their socialist anti American propaganda on?
OK UI just asked if they pay, and thank you for the answer. So they do pay, how pathetic, and sad. Can you imagine their viewing numbers if they were turned off at places like airports.
Hmmm, I wonder how much CNN is allowed to inflate its viewership numbers this way
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