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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 05/09/2014 6:04:35 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote the first son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Marvin," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Melvin," she wrote to her third son, "You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious."
19 Gifts NOT To Buy For Mother's Day
1. Cleaning supplies
You’re a mom, not a cleaning lady.
2. A How-To book on parenting
Oh, hell no.
3. Sex
Is this a gift for you? Or your partner?
4. Lingerie.
Basically sex, but you’re expected to dress up for it, too. Swell.
5. Cellulite cream.
1. Joke gifts are not cool on Mother’s Day, 2. This had better be a joke gift if your significant other wants to live.
6. A bouquet of flowers picked from a neighbor’s yard.
Explaining to your neighbor why half of their flower bed has been torn up isn’t exactly how you want to spend Mother’s Day.
7. Tickets to a monster truck rally.
If you asked for these specifically this is an awesome gift. If not, WTF?
8. Nothing.
Really? Not even a card? You can really feel the love.
9. A homemade gift made by your kid without supervision.
Homemade gifts are the best, that is, unless your kid took scissors to the living room drapes to acquire “materials.”
10. A coupon book.
Your family appreciates you so much that they got you 10% of your next visit to Chili’s.
11. Breakfast in bed made entirely by your kids.
This is adorable until you realize you’ll be dining on fuzzy, severely burned toast and scrambled eggs mixed with M&Ms.
12. A “Steak of the Month” club.
AKA how your significant other gets you to cook them a steak every month.
13. A frame… without a family photo in it.
The stock image photo of a family that comes with the frame may be cute, but you’d much prefer one of your own family.
14. Something from the bargain bin.
They say it’s the thought that counts, which is true, except for when the thought was to spend $3.99 or less.
15. A gift certificate to Weight Watchers.
What every mom wants to hear, “You’re a great mom! And fat!”
16. Exercise equipment or a gym membership.
This one will go over about as well as the Weight Watchers gift certificate.
17. Something that’s more for the kids than you.
“Hey, Mom, mind if I play with your gift a little while?”
18. Slippers, muumuus, or anything else an octogenarian would love.
These are even worse when your significant other gives the same thing to their mother.
19. Anything bought the day of
“The kids and I have to, uh, just run out for a sec, hon!” FAIL.
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; mom; mothersday; ofst; silliness
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To: Lucky9teen
2
posted on
05/09/2014 6:05:37 AM PDT
by
a fool in paradise
(The new witchhunt: "Do you NOW, . . . or have you EVER , . . supported traditional marriage?")
To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...
When Mother's Day comes for THIS mom
First Step: Sadness:
Second Step; Frustrated:
Third Step: Anger:
Fourth Stage: Acceptance…or somewhat
Fifth Stage: Appreciating that I am a mom of some really great kids:
CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST
3
posted on
05/09/2014 6:06:05 AM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
To: Lucky9teen
4
posted on
05/09/2014 6:06:36 AM PDT
by
JRios1968
(I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
To: Lucky9teen
To: Lucky9teen
6
posted on
05/09/2014 6:06:53 AM PDT
by
AppyPappy
To: Lucky9teen; MeshugeMikey
7
posted on
05/09/2014 6:06:57 AM PDT
by
ErnBatavia
(The 0baMao Experiment: Abject Failure)
To: Lucky9teen
FRIDAY!
8
posted on
05/09/2014 6:06:59 AM PDT
by
a fool in paradise
(The new witchhunt: "Do you NOW, . . . or have you EVER , . . supported traditional marriage?")
To: Lucky9teen
9
posted on
05/09/2014 6:07:23 AM PDT
by
RandallFlagg
(Uninstall Fascist Firefox. Get Pale Moon.)
To: a fool in paradise
10
posted on
05/09/2014 6:07:33 AM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
To: Lucky9teen
TOP TEN!!!HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!
11
posted on
05/09/2014 6:07:34 AM PDT
by
Rummyfan
(Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
To: JRios1968
12
posted on
05/09/2014 6:07:58 AM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
To: Rummyfan
13
posted on
05/09/2014 6:08:32 AM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
To: Lucky9teen
14
posted on
05/09/2014 6:08:44 AM PDT
by
TADSLOS
(The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
To: Rummyfan
TOP TEN!!!
15
posted on
05/09/2014 6:10:08 AM PDT
by
a fool in paradise
(The new witchhunt: "Do you NOW, . . . or have you EVER , . . supported traditional marriage?")
To: RandallFlagg
16
posted on
05/09/2014 6:10:09 AM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
To: Lucky9teen
17
posted on
05/09/2014 6:10:20 AM PDT
by
left that other site
(You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
To: left that other site
18
posted on
05/09/2014 6:11:22 AM PDT
by
left that other site
(You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
To: Rummyfan
19
posted on
05/09/2014 6:12:32 AM PDT
by
Rummyfan
(Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
To: Rummyfan
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