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So, I woke up this morning, and the birds were singing, the sun was shining and all was right in the world. The high today is supposed to be 78°, with a slight chance of cooling.  I drove into work, where everyone is paid according to their ability, and I didn't see any illegals anywhere, because they've all been deported and the new Immigration laws have closed our borders and made sure no one can or will break the laws to get in illegally again.  And it especially helps since they put in that new moat with alligators down there......

Clean Up Your Room Day When: Always on May 10th Clean Up Your Room Day is a day parents eagerly await........... and kids dread! If you've got kids, it is very possible that their rooms are a vast wasteland, completely filled with "good stuff". "Messy" is too kind of an adjective to describe the conditions. Its impossible to walk through the room. Every dresser and shelf (and under the bed), is packed with everything imaginable. Dust has been piling up as long as your child has been around. Comfy, cozy, and quite livable to the child, its an everyday...

<p>World Press Freedom Day recognizes the value of freedom of expression, and the sacrifices journalist have made to attain this freedom. It was created, and is sponsored, by the United Nations. While we enjoy this freedom in the United States, freedom of the press, and freedom of expression, is not a given right in many countries.</p>

It's all about the timing... Never have I seen such commitment to photobombing as this woman's. Yes, penguins have rocket propelled poop. You won't learn that on Discovery Channel. He wanted soda. He got soda. To the faaaaaaaaace!!!! Not sure what exactly is going on here, but $100 says that alcohol was involved. A painful bee sting is the price you've got to pay for a photo as awesome as this. "Pleased to meet you, concrete." "It is the last time you'll sh*t on me!" His thoughts became a shadow. "CRATE-ZIRRA!" Little did Gary know that the right combination...

Guess what today is?

How many gun control advocates does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: They don't do that; they pass laws against burned-out bulbs, and then they wonder why it's still so dark. Meanwhile, a lot of people get hurt because they can't see. "If gun laws in fact worked, the sponsors of this type of legislation should have no difficulty drawing upon long lists of examples of crime rates reduced by such legislation. That they cannot do so after a century and a half of trying--that they must sweep under the rug the southern attempts at gun...

Go For Broke Day When : Always Apil 5th Are you a gambler? Then, today, is your day. It's Go For Broke Day. Today is a day to put it all on the line, and take a chance. It might be money. Or, it can be a love relationship. Perhaps, it's time to initiate a risky project, or to take a new job.Many of us go about our daily lives playing it safe, not taking big chances. If you are of a conservative ilk, you may have never gone out on a limb, or taken big risks. If this...

Festival of Smoke and Mirrors Day When : Always March 29th Smoke and Mirrors Day is a day of illusions. The term "smoke and mirrors" means something is not really as it appears to be. People often put up smoke and mirrors to hide something. This day is also referred to as the Festival of Smoke and Mirrors. We did not discover an actual festival of this nature. But, who needs historical facts to have fun an a special day? Let's get out and enjoy Smoke and Mirrors Day to the fullest. A large jet plane crashed on a...

National Goof Off Day When : Always March 22nd Now here's a day that just about everybody can relax and enjoy. It's a day to do anything and everything.....except what you're supposed to do today. Assuming you won't get in trouble at work or school, go ahead and play some golf, or play video games all day. Spend extra time surfing the net. Go out and spend the day window shopping with your favorite friend. Or, just read sit down and read a book or watch TV. This day is set aside for you to do anything you enjoy...

Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Stevens 320 right in the doorway. I gave it 5 shells, and noticing that it had no legs, even placed it in my wheelchair to help it get around. I then left it alone and went about my business. While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign right in front of our house. After about an hour, I checked on...

Tips for Avoiding U.S. Drone Strikes One sure fire way to avoid being targeted is to assume the low information voter position. This is a modified duck and cover pose, just stick your head between your legs and…well you know the drill. Otherwise, here are some other suggestions: Join the church where Al Sharpton is a preacher. No one knows where it is.If you can’t find it, join the church Obama frequents.If you can’t find that: register as a Republican Senate candidate from New York, New Jersey, or California.Get a federal “green energy” loan, then declare bankruptcy. The U.S. government...

The True Story of Sequestration In Handy GIF Form We've heard a lot lately about sequestration.But how did our lawmakers get us to this point?Let's take a look.It all started back in 2010 when the Tea Party swept into the House of Representatives. They argued that the stimulus measures –  taken by the Obama administration to lessen the depth of the recession – created too much debt. To reduce this debt they were going to slash government spending...Now, every so often Congress authorizes how much money the government can borrow. This is called the debt ceiling. Tea partiers rightly...

WATER BUMP Something I received in email that offers a little perspective on ammo shortages - This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way back I stopped at the gas station to get some gas, and this drop dead gorgeous blond was filling up her car at the next pump. She looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in a trade of sex for ammo?" I thought it...

@JayLeno At the #SOTU tonight, when the President walked into the chamber, instead of ‘Hail to the Chief’ they played ‘Hey Big Spender.’ @JimGaffigan That was the most one-sided debate I’ve ever seen. #SOTU @Bez "I am SO getting laid tonight" -Obama's speechwriter @sixfoot6 Biden always looks like he's pridefully watching his son play quarterback. Boehner always looks embarrassed by his son at a ballet recital. @JillMorris I feel like I'm watching an ad for ADD medication when I look at Biden. #SOTU @JonasPolsky Saturday Night Live cold openings are pretty long, but this is ridiculous. #SOTU @m_swartz Also...

Yeh....not feeling well today guys, so have at it with some random silliness.

National Freedom Day When : Always February 1st National Freedom Day celebrates freedom from slavery, and recognizes that America is a symbol of freedom. National Freedom Day was established in 1948 to remind us that America stands for, and is a symbol of freedom for all people. The roots of this special day come directly from the end of slavery and the signing of the 13th amendment outlawing slavery. Celebrate this day by reflecting upon your own freedoms that you enjoy by being fortunate enough to be in America. Millions of people in the world are not free. Origin of...

Today is "Opposite Day" When : Always January 25th Opposite Day is a topsy, turvy day when everything you say, do, see, and hear are the opposite. If you say go left, you mean go right. If you say look up, it means look down. If you see your left foot...is it really your right?  Although for most in Washington, EVERY day is Opposite Day... Yesiree, Bob. Opposite Day can be a whole lot of fun. It can also be very, very confusing. This special day is celebrated primarily among school children. Sponge Bob Square Pants even got into...

The Next 10 Years Are Going To Be Mind-BlowingWe are living in an extremely exciting time in terms of science and technology. Things that have always been considered science fiction are becoming normal day-to-day components of our lives. And while we have been seeing invention after breakthrough over and over in the last couple of decades, this next ten years is going to blow everything else out of the water.The awesome thing about all these scientific discoveries it that they create technology that allows us to make more breakthroughs even faster. Our ability to innovate is increasing exponentially as the...

A guy cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit. “Okay, Mr. Smith,” the cop says. “I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?” “Yes, I am.” “Well then, better tell me what you got.” Smith says, “Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.” “Okay,” the cop says. “Anything else?” “Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s...

And then I read this.... On January 1, 400 new federal laws took effect. Meanwhile, state legislatures passed 29,000 bills and resolutions, many of which came into force on the first of the year. Local government added thousands of new laws. Ignorance is no excuse, so start cramming on all the weird new regulations you have to follow as of Tuesday: 1. In California, it's now unlawful to let a dog pursue a bear or bobcat at any time. Previously, exceptions had been made for hunting. Bad news for dogs, good news for bears and bobcats. 2. The new...

The Best Memes of 2012 Ridiculously Photogenic Guy:More here! Bad Luck Brian:More here! Suddenly Clarity Clarence:More here! Really High Guy:More here! Overly Manly Man:More here! Grumpy Cat:More here! Drunk Baby:More here! Come on, Facebook: Ermahgerd:More here! Overly Attached Girlfriend:More here!The Botched "Ecce Homo" Painting:More here! McKayla Is Not Impressed:More here! Call Me Maybe:More here! Inappropriate Timing Bill Clinton:More here! Bad-Joke Eel:More here! When Did THIS Become Hotter Than THIS: Angelina Jolie's Leg:More here!Skeptical Third-World KidMore here! Binders Full of Women:More here! Texts from Hillary:More here! Evil Cows:More here! The Queen Is Not Amused:More here! The NASA Mohawk Guy:More here!...

Well....before the world ends today, how about some silliness.... Have you looked closely to the date 12-21-12 mathematically? I have. I am not a mathematician or a numerologist. I did find something interesting looking at the date written out as 12-21-12. Maybe you noticed it also. However, let's take a closer look at 12-21-12. written this way. OK. First, let's take a look at the date; 12-21-12. The number 21 is book-ended by the number 12 on each side. Second, look at the number 21. What do you see? That is right. It is the reverse or flipped side of...

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write Santa a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to Santa , USA , they decided to send it to President Obama. Obama was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank you note to Santa, which read:...

It's that time of year again.... Here are some ideas (or not) for the kids....This "Girls Only" toy is sure to inspire your daughter to reach for the sky...while dusting the high shelves. So much for post-racial America. Encourage your child's imagination to run wild as their Playmobil figures wait in line...walk through the metal detector...are forced to throw out their shampoo. (PS -- It's almost 60 bucks) Please don't give your child this toy. Please. Gasoline-Powered Audi Two Seater Car For Kids - Get your little yuppie on his way with this gas-powered accident-waiting-to-happen.For just under $14,000 you...

Be careful out there shopping? In a small southern town, she saw a 'Nativity Scene' that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered her: The three wise men were all wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, she left. At a quickie mart on the edge of town, she asked the gentleman behind the counter about the helmets. He exploded into a rage, yelling at her, 'You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!' She assured him that indeed she did, but simply couldn't recall anything about...

All these petitions at the whitehouse.gov website asking for states to secede.....it's just silliness. I mean, I agree with the sentiment, but really? You're going to create an account, give them your name and contact info at the whitehouse.gov website and sign something that says you don't like the federal government? Does anyone remember Obama and his secret "kill lists"? It's just silliness, I say. Does anyone think Obama will actually care what these petitions say? Does anyone think anything will be done about it?  Does anyone think this federal government will take this seriously?Look at some other silly...

There is an imposter among us...The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened.When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news."Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!""Honestly?" she replied.The politician's smiled faded. "Aw, Ma, why bring that up at a time like this?" To Obama...

  "After the last debate, experts agreed that President Obama won on substance and I thought: Well, big deal, Lance Armstrong won on several substances." -David Letterman  "Experts say the entire 2012 election could come down to just eight states. The states are: confusion, dismay, depression, apathy, shock, disbelief, despair, and anxiety. Those are the eight states." -Jay Leno "Don't ask, don't tell" is back. Not for gays in the military — it's President Obama's new policy for questions about Libya." ~ Jay Leno   "Republicans are accusing the White House of successfully engineering a massive cover-up of the Libyan...

One witch told another witch, "I want one of those new computers that has a spell checker." Don't bother inviting the Invisible Man to your Halloween party. He won't show up. Sometimes he makes excuses, but they're all transparent. A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and…learns that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak....

I hope this thread is optimal.... Elon James White -- I feel like Obama's staff stabbed him in the chest w/ the adrenaline needle from Pulp Fiction. THAT DUDE IS AWAKE! #twib2012 #debatesadamsorensen -- Is there anything more awkward than putting two guys on stools 10 feet apart on a huge stage and asking them to look natural for 90 minutes?Brian Braiker -- i hope the guy with a mustache has a spot in line. and i hope he stands up to say "Mr President, I mustache you a question."Dane Cook -- Dear everyone in the town hall #debate....

Sometimes, no words are needed...

DEBATE THIS! The presidential debate Wednesday night was the most tweeted about event in political history, and, it's still being talked about this morning.Jon Stewart, appearing on Good Morning America today to tout his own upcoming debate (Saturday in Washington) with Bill O'Reilly, assessed President Obama and Mitt Romney."I think we can all be satisfied in this election that no matter what happens, we're going to have an incredibly good-looking president," cracked Stewart. "That was some beefcake up there last night. The two of them. And when they take this thing into the swimsuit competition...."He continued: "There's not a...

Just some random silliness today folks...

Politically Incorrect Test To ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80 year old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret service agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85 year old congressmen with metal hips and Medal Of Honor winning former Governors. Let's pause a moment and take the following test.1. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics athletes were kidnapped & massacred by: (a) Olga Corbut (b) Sitting Bull (c) Arnold Schwartzeneger (d) Muslim...

From Obama's acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention: OBAMA: The choice you face won't just be between two candidates or two parties. It will be a choice between two different paths for America, a choice between two fundamentally different visions for the future.CARTER 1980: This election is a stark choice between two men, two parties, two sharply different pictures of what America is and what the world is, but it's more than that. It's a choice between two futures.OBAMA: You can choose the path where we control more of our own energy. After thirty years of inaction, we raised...

It is day two of the Democratic convention, and apparently they had a huge lighting problem in the convention hall today. They worked all day on it. They still couldn't get President Obama out of Bill Clinton's shadow. ~ Jay LenoThe stoner comedy duo Harold and Kumar are starring in a new promo for the Democratic convention alongside President Obama, which is pretty impressive. The only other person to go from smoking pot with buddies to the White House is President Obama. ~ Jay LenoPresident Obama's re-election campaign said that this year they'll knock on 150 percent more doors...

When my wife and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.' This was at the Ford dealership in Canton,MS We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told...

Gaffetastic! Where Am I...? During an August 14th speech, Biden attempted to fire-up the audience when he told them:  "We need you to go out there and make sure, ladies and gentlemen, that with you, and I mean this: With you, we can win North Carolina again.  And if we do, we win the election if we win you." Unfortunately for Biden, the speech was delivered in Danville... Virginia. Who Is He...? One upping himself, the following day the VEEP made another campaign stop at Virginia Tech University in Blacksburg, Va. The former member of Congress seems to have...

Lazy Day When : August 10th Lazy Day is your chance to goof off, and definitely not work. And, it definitely comes at a good time. Hot, muggy weather makes it easy to kick back and be lazy for a day. If summer chores are not done by now, they can just wait one more day. It is best spent on a hammock, along with your favorite summer beverage. Whoever said "There's no lazy days...just lazy people." Well, we respectfully disagree. Today is proof positive. It is indeed a Lazy Day. And, we consider that a good thing. If...

“It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.” ~ Mark Twain “People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.” ―Søren Kierkegaard “All these people talk so eloquently about getting back to good old-fashioned values. Well, as an old poop I can remember back to when we had those old-fashioned values, and I say let's get back to the good old-fashioned First Amendment of the good old-fashioned Constitution...

Obama is scheduled to speak at the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Nervous, he asks for a teleprompter. On the day of the speech, he takes to the podium and starts, "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh." An aide quickly rushes to his side and whispers, "Mr. President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is below that!" Three American citizens were standing outside the stadium where the Olympics were being held, bemoaning the fact that none of them could afford a ticket.  All three wanted SO much to be able to see the athletes from their native land compete. ...

You Didn't Build That....

Fool's Paradise Day When : July 13th This special day seems a bit like an oxymoron. How can a fool reach, or experience, Paradise? And, how could a place BE Paradise, if fools inhabit the place? We don't know the answers to these important questions. We can only speculate, as we have yet to find the creator of this special day. We will leave the philosophical thought about this day to you the reader. In the meantime.................. Have a wonderful Fool's Paradise Day! Or you can celebrate.................. Embrace Your Geekness Day When : July 13th  Embrace Your Geekness Day...

  Friday, June 29 Is Tweet Like An Alien Day Perhaps more marketing, than Science, it still may be your one shot to make "contact". Between 8 p.m. EDT Friday (June 29) and 3 a.m. EDT Saturday (June 30) Tweets tagged with the hashtag #ChasingUFOs will be combined into a single message and beamed in the direction of the so called "Wow" signal. It's timed to coincide with a new National Geographic series, "Chasing UFOs."They'll be transmitted on Aug. 15th. Heck, it isn't like it costs anything. I think I'l go with, Vote Romney. Because, well you never know. And there's...

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD 1. U can't count your hair 2. U can't wash your eyes with soap 3. U can't breathe when your tongue is out Put your tongue back in fool. 10 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU... 1) U are reading this. 2) U are human. 3) U can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips 4) U just attempted to do it 6) U are laughing at yourself 7) U have a smile on your face and you skipped No.5 8) U just checked to see if there is a No.5 9) U laugh at...

50 Things Dads Say: You'd better change your tune pretty quick or you're out of here.I mean it.Is that understood?Don't shake your head at me.I can't hear your head rattle.Don't mumble.You act like the world owes you a living.You've got a chip on your shoulder.You're not going anywhere looking like that.You're crazy if you think you are.If you think you are, just try me.I don't know what's wrong with you.Other kids don't pull stuff like that.I wasn't like that.What kind of an example do you think you are for you brothers and sisters?Stand up straight.Don't slouch.Would you like a...

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for...

For many....School is out for summer and it's on to a 3 day weekend (for most).... So get your grill on Maybe hit the beach scene Or hang out poolside Or maybe staying inside and watching the tube is your thing? But, whatever you do... JUST BE SILLY!!! And don't forget the ice cream!!

Obama In History World Changing Events You Didn't Know Obama Played A Part In Obama Guest Lecturing With Einstein Obama: The Hidden Genius Behind Microsoft Obama And Nixon Meet Elvis Obama With The Beatles On The Ed Sullivan Show Obama Launching The Bay Of Pigs Obama At The Fall Of The Berlin Wall Obama Leading The Troops Across The Delaware Obama At Stonehenge Obama Witnessing The Surrender Of Japan On The USS Missouri Obama Attending Napoleon's Coronation Obama With Roosevelt's Rough Riders Obama Landing In The New World With Columbus Obama Celebrating V-J Day In Times Square Obama Aiding...