Posted on 03/12/2021 5:25:15 AM PST by JRios1968
Hey hey kids! Time for more silliness, and...you know...the thing!
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A pizza and an apple were thrown down from the 15th floor, which will reach the ground first?
The pizza will, it's fast food!
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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the sheep's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the sheep. "Your name is written inside the cover."
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A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours, I will give you $5,000."
The idiot replies, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now my turn, what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?"
The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?"
The idiot hands over $5.
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Employee: "Sir, what is the secret of your success?"
Manager: "Two words."
Employee: "And, Sir, what are they?"
Manager: "Right decisions."
Employee: "And how do you make right decisions?"
Manager: "One word."
Employee: "And, What is that?"
Manager: "Experience."
Employee: "And how do you get Experience?"
Manager: "Two words."
Employee: "And, Sir, what are they?"
Manager: "Wrong decisions."
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An elderly lady and an orthopedic surgeon were travelling in an elevator together. The doors started to shut as the lady was trying to get out of the doors. The surgeon kindly put his head in between the doors so the lady could get out.
"Thank you very much," said the lady, "but why did you use your head?"
"I used my head because I need my hands for work," said the surgeon, grinning proudly.
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An mechanic was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop. He went to him and said, "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired them and put them back, so why do I get such a small salary and you get huge sums?"
The doctor smiled at the mechanic and came close to his ear and said, "Try the same when the engine is running."
The mechanic smiled back came close to doctors ear and said, "I can take any dead engine and make it alive again, can you?"
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Let's keep the silliness going!!!!
Ping-a-ling
One ping for ya!
And one ping for my sources
Well done!
My wife is such a bad cook, the flies chipped in to fix the screen
I am a marketing consultant and recommended a veterinarian also get a taxidermy license. He now offers a 100% guarantee his customers will get their pet back.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says ‘I may be a typo”
I wrote the next one in invisible ink, but I think I ran out of ink.
Last night I went to a party. I had a few drinks... I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit.
That’s when I decided to do what I have never done before. I took a cab home.
Sure enough there was a police road block on the way home but since it was a cab they waved it on through. I arrived home safely without incident. This was both a great relief and a surprise because I had never driven a cab before.
Those are great! Last night I was still up at midnight and ALMOST checked FaceBook. Decided Not To! he he he
But I still checked FreeRepublic. There are only a couple of Freepers, much newer here than I am, who are rude just for the sake of being rude. One wrote a stupid rude poem for me, thinking I was a girl. I am an old married man with kids and grandkids! and a body builder, MMA, weight lifter, etc. That Freeper hides under the veil of anonymity. How did we get our screen name, our initials mixed together.
~Tyrelle Y. F.
Nature of the internet these days, I guess.
Huh.... didn’t get the cowboy joke because no good cowboy would own sheep.....😂
Yeehah!
My pleasure, JRios1968!
One thing I’ve found out is that after midnight (eastern time) the sidewalks are pretty much rolled up here in Free Republic (maybe most Freepers live in the East). I’m still awake because it’s only 9:00 in my time zone. After that time, I’ve noticed that it’s mostly cranks (and probably drunks) that are on here, so I don’t bother posting or commenting on anything.
High-larious! I especially like the Biden-Pepe Le Pew and the Fauci ones. 😂
Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy, I’m gonna get the day off.
I’m gonna pretend I’ve gone mad! He climbs up the rafters,
hangs upside down and shouts
I’m a lightbulb, I’m a lightbulb!
Murphy watches in amazement.
The foreman shouts: Paddy, go home. You’ve gone mad.
So Paddy leaves the site. Murphy starts packing is kit up to leave as well.
Where do you think you’re going? asks the foreman.
Well, I can’t work in the friggin dark! said Murphy.
Thanks for the thread and the ping!
So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very wise decision, because I fell off my bike seven times before I got back to the house.
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