Posted on 11/04/2011 5:30:37 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "Its Keith, the midget."
Q. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A. The position of the dirt bag.
Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A. Doughnuts.
Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A. 100 people who don't do dick.
Q. What do attorneys use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.
Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A. 45 lbs.
Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.
Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
A. I feel like a kid again!
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A. Two test tickles
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. Sexual harassment.
Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute.
Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q. What is the difference between great literature and pornography?
A. Literature is frequently dusty but rarely dirty.
Q. Why does a squirrel swim on its back?
A. To keep its nuts dry.
Q. What did one tit say to the other?
A. I hope we get support soon or people will think we're nuts.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
Q. Why do midgets laugh when they run?
A. Because the grass tickles their balls!
Teacher turns to her class and says "Today class, we are going to pick out some BIG words and use them in a sentence. Jenny would you like to go first?"
"Yes Ma'am. Hypocrite. That boy was a hypocrite. He said it was not OK to go outside and play. Then he went out to play"
"Very Good Jenny!"
Little Johnny jumps up in the back of the room waving his hands. "Yes Johnny" "I have a big one!" He exclaimed.
Sighing the teacher holds her hands together and prays silently, "Go ahead Johnny" she says.
"Harassment! " says Little Johnny, "Her mouth said NO, but harassment yes!"
One sunny day in January, 2013, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.”
The Marine looked at the man and said, “Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here.”
The old man said, “Okay,” and walked away.
The following day the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.”
The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here.”
The man thanked him and again just walked away.
The third day the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying, “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.”
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I’ve told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don’t you understand?”
The old man looked at the Marine and said, “Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow, Sir.
_____
lol
Hi there! I made it two Friday mornings in a row!
Pendulum Waves
You may recall from a Mechanics course that the period of a pendulum is proportional to the square root of the length of the line suspending the weight - i.e., the longer the pendulum, the slower it swings.
Cambridge students built a device with a series of 15 pendulums in a row, each one slightly longer than its neighbor, then set them in motion and filmed the result.
The resulting patterns in this short video are quite fascinating to watch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVkdfJ9PkRQ&feature=player_embedded#!
Dude, I’m complaining to the boss about you if I don’t get amy more work done because I’m watching that over and over again. Especially since it links to other cool ones like this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9PZizBDBZw&feature=relmfu
Get work done?
Obviously you are part of the one percent.
Here’s another way to look at the Debt Ceiling:
Let’s say, You come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in your neighborhood....and your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings.
What do you think you should do ……?
Raise the ceilings, or pump out the $#!t?
Your choice is coming November 2012
Hey guys, so you’re camping out at your local “occupy” protest and through the smoky haze you spot the girl of your dreams. She’s absolute perfection with her purple mohawk, nose rings and unshaven legs. But you need a good pick up line! Here’s a few proven winners: 1) “What time do you get off not working?” 2) “Your parents’ basement or mine?” 3) “We have so much in common, I don’t know why I’m here either” 4) “You remind me of a female Janeane Garafalo” and my favorite 5) “Just got my Pell Grant & food stamps. LET’S PARTY!” Happy hunting!
Can I get an Amen?
It’s a miracle, I tell you; a miracle!
Bankers line up to re-occupy Wall Street.
North Cliffs Failure
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVjr4mii3cE North Cliffs Failure - Amazing Cliff Collapse caught on Camera! - YouTube
Not funny... but how often are you going to see this in a random stroll along the beach?
MORAL OF THE STORY:
When the sign on the path says STAY BACK... nevermind, go ahead & play on the edge, nobody actually gets whacked!!! ;~)
On the other hand, here’s an investment opportunity....
http://dotcomjoe.com/opportunity
That is so silly I had to stop reading it!
Thanks!
/johnny
There has to be more to that!
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