Posted on 09/01/2006 12:50:57 AM PDT by sully777
Professor Terguson: Is she right? 'Cause I know that's the *popular* version of what went on there. And a lot of people like to believe that. I wish I could, but I was *there*. I wasn't here in a class room, hoping I was right, thinking about it.
[shouting]
Professor Terguson: I was up to my knees in rice paddies, with guns that didn't work! Going in there, looking for Charlie, slugging it out with him; While
[shouts]
Professor Terguson: pussies like you were back here partying, putting headbands on, doing drugs, and
[shouts]
Professor Terguson: listening to the goddamn Beatle albums! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Thornton Melon: Hey Professor, take it easy. These kids were in grade school at the time, and as for me... I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover.
Professor Terguson: You remember that thing we had about 30 years ago called the Korean conflict? And how we failed to achieve victory? How come we didn't cross the 38th parallel and push those rice-eaters back to the Great Wall of China?
Professor Terguson: [rips a desk apart] Then take the f@$%ing wall apart
[shouts]
Professor Terguson: brick by brick and nuke them back into the f*@$ing stone age forever? Tell me why! How come? Say it! Say it!
Thornton Melon: [incensed] All right. I'll say it. 'Cause Truman was too much of a *pussy wimp* to let MacArthur go in there
[shouts]
Thornton Melon: and blow out those Commie bastards!
Professor Terguson: Good answer. Good answer. I like the way you think. I'm gonna be watching you.
Thornton Melon: [to his classmates] Nice guy. Really seems to care. About what I have no idea.
[after Diane gives Thornton an 'F' for his report, which was actually written by Kurt Vonnegut]
Diane: Whoever *did* write this doesn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut!
[cut to Thornton's dorm suite]
Thornton Melon: [on the phone] ... and *another* thing, Vonnegut! I'm gonna stop payment on the cheque!
[Kurt tells him off]
Thornton Melon: F@#$ me? Hey, Kurt, can you read lips, *f@#$ you*! Next time I'll call Robert Ludlum!
[hangs up]
Diane: I'd love to go with you, but I've got a class right now.
Thornton Melon: Well, why don't you come and see me some time when you have no class.
It always used to amaze me to see Mel Tillis on TV. At first I thought that stutter was a gag - being that the show was Hee Haw and all.
Shalom.
"This photo released by the Capla Kesting Gallery(CKG) shows a sculpture purportedly cast from 19-week old Suri Cruise's first bowel movement. The work by controversial artist Daniel Edwards, is to be auctioned off for charity on eBay next month."
Wow, that looks like what my step-mother would do!
Now I need more therapy.
5. Scrolls down rapidly to avoid having cheescake on the monitor when the boss walks up (or beefcake if certain female FReepers are on the thread - you know who you are).
4. Starts talking about beer at 10:30 am (7:30 Pacific)
3. Suddenly breaks out in a rendition of one of the "Silly Songs with Larry."
2. Tries to hide the tears streaming down his face from laughing so hard.
*** And the number 1 indication your co-worker is reading the OFST ***
1. He has coffee all over his keyboard.
Shalom.
That image was obviously Photo-shopped. Was Al-Reuters involved in producing it? There are clear indications of where the BM of a 2-year-old toddler was superimposed on the trophy stand. Every mother or father knows that a newborns first poop is a formless glop.
Shalom.
"Because we work real hard at the chocolate factory
We start at 8, and we don't get lunch till 3
I've got to drive a truck to make a buck
So I can send it home to my family!"
Mother:
"Think of me everyday.
Hold tight to what I say,
And I'll be close to you,
Even from far away.
Know that wherever you are,
it is never too far.
If you think of me,
I'll be with you."
Why did Noah build the ark?
Because news of the flood was leaked.
Eating plenty of fruit can help you live to a ripe old age.
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't, you get down from a duck.
Those who forget the pasta are condemned to re-heat it.
You have to use a rope.
Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To stomp out grass fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stomp out flaming ducks.
You guys might want to visit here:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/1693327/posts?page=84#84
An author did all his writing from a study beneath his house. It was a very cryptic book, but it was at a bargain-basement price, so he ended up with a best cellar.
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