Posted on 11/08/2013 5:18:25 PM PST by John Semmens
After titillating the media for the past few days with hints of a “big announcement,” Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius told an audience in Atlanta that her office was taking a “historic step to aggressively deal with mental health issues under the Affordable Care Act.”
Undaunted by a spattering of audible groans from the audience, Sebelius plowed ahead explaining that “studies show that nearly 50% of Americans have serious mental health issues that have gone untreated. People who should be on medication are not currently receiving this benefit. People who should be institutionalized are not receiving this benefit. We are going to fix that.”
The Secretary promised that “as soon as we get the bugs worked out of the computerized sign-up process we will be able to begin meting out these benefits to those who need them.” She brushed aside suggestions that some of the intended beneficiaries might not want the services she is vowing to impose on them. “People with untreated illnesses pose a risk to society that we cannot afford to ignore. Protecting the 50% of the population that is not afflicted with mental health problems is just as important as treating those who are.”
One measure reported to be under consideration would be to add anti-psychotic medications to the water supply. “One of the biggest difficulties in medicine is getting the patient to consistently and reliably take the drugs that are prescribed for him,” Sebelius pointed out. “If we add medications to the water supply people forgetting to take their meds will be a thing of the past. We already add fluoride to the water. The success of that program shows that removing the human element from the medicating procedure is the way to go.”
In related news, Sebelius labeled fears that increased government control over health care would lead to “passive extermination” of the seriously ill elderly as “exaggerated.” The fears were reignited by a report on how the UK's National Health Service held 80-year-old patient Ron Jee without food or water for four days waiting for him to die.
“People are making a big deal about how this patient was crying and pleading for help during his treatment,” Sebelius said. “That is the narrow view. The broader perspective is that our resources are finite. Food and water expended on those who's lives have little value to society subtracts from what we then have available for higher value individuals. Surely, the good of the whole outweighs the brief suffering of the few.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/144874-2013-11-08-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-november-10-2013.htm
ping
I think the entire administration needs mental health care, starting with Mr. Obama.
Great!
More Psychotropic drugs > More mass shootings > More gun
control.
The left wins!
50%!! By whose standards. The administration would just like to see most of under some kind of anti- psychotic drugs ... better to control us.
Undaunted by a spattering of audible groans from the audience”
As popular as Cindy Sheehan at a book signing.
Another mandate on health insurance that will jack up the price to cover..... crazy people care?
50% would be all of the obama voters.
Didn’t the old Soviet Union use “mental health” as a tactic against anyone they deemed “unfit” politically? So, if you did not support Communism 110%, you were “mentally ill”.
Re that “50 percent” of people with mental problems, that is the same number of people who voted “Democrat” in the recent elections.
Always said that the Dems was “fu*king crazy”. Glad that Sebelius agrees. She should be first in line for a straitjacket and Prozac. Aw, throw in an enema just for fun! Gotta get the crap out of her head and her head out of her ass.
Exactly. Sounds like USSR back in the good old days. Just declare them to be nuts. Problem solved.
Yes I know that this is satire but it is probably closer to the truth than most want to admit.
Let’s face it, in real life Sebelius is as crazy as batshit. They are going to change the name of “Halloween” to “Sebelius Day”. Broomsticks for all, and Charlie Manson hats for the bald!
Sometimes satire IS the truth!
***
This is NOT satire.
Thanks again for the ping.
This is how they do things in N Korea.
If they don’t just shoot you.
Shouldn’t her big announcement be that she is resigning in disgrace??
I got to the second sentence and looked up to see if this was your writing!!! Next time, I’ll look first. My stomach turned over - not fair!
Good one again John. Thanks for the ping.
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