Posted on 10/17/2016 4:04:26 AM PDT by Morgana
When I imagined my wedding, I pictured a destination wedding that everyone and their plus-ones couldn't wait to get to — something European and chic, in a gothic church with al fresco photos on cobblestone streets. I also wanted a couple hundred guests. In Paris. Or Ireland. A place from where my fiancé and I could just jet off into the sunset afterwards and disappear on the continent for a few weeks.
For multiple reasons (like, reality), my fiancé and I ended up planning a state-side affair, but the sophistication remained. We're getting married on a Saturday in New York City, at — in my opinion — one of the city's most stunning churches, followed by a reception at one of the world's top restaurants. A jazz quartet will serenade our guests with classics. The food and champagne will be French. Our palette is white on white on white (or ivory). The words I've used with countless vendors from my jeweler to my florist are, "Crisp. Elegant. Modern."
One thing that definitely won't be at my wedding? Kids.
That's not to say I don't like kids. I have seven kids under the age of 15 in my extended family, and my fiancé has around 35 (!) kids on his side. And nearly half of our friends have one or more kids under the age of three. But neither of us loves being around children that much, and we knew as soon as we got engaged that those kids would definitely not be invited to our wedding.
(Excerpt) Read more at wlky.com ...
I think it depends on where most of the people live.
Miss Manners was ranting about this stuff thirty years ago, saying things like, "Only those people whose names are on the invitation are invited," and "Either accept the invitation as-is or promptly and politely decline."
She’s planning a wedding, not a marriage.
Common problem these days.
The most common observances I have of young parents..I’m am old old school one.. I have are as follows in general
Black dads in public are rare as hens teeth
Black moms kids are as ill behaved as they are
Latinos have lots of kids and dad rules and this kids at least at wal mart are ok
And Latinos have kids and kids and kids
Ditto orientals but dad doesn’t rule
Arabs or muzz dad really rules but the women are aggressive and loud none the less
Kids in public are quiet....very much so...as in meek
Dad is iron born in the family
Single white moms have little control and just threaten and indulge ad nauseum
White dads discipline some but mom keeps his parenting balls secured away unless really needed
Having lived in Jewish population concentrations years ago it struck me the less religious were super indulgent which was off putting droning on and on ..at least to me raised in the strict south.....
Now I look around and all education class millennialis do the same thing I noticed in Manhattan so long ago now
I blame women, lack of dads and media
That was ruined what would have been our best class of parents
And white trash rarely marries anymore but when they do it tends to be traditional family just loud
Most white trash babies where I live come from fat fatherless moms and the babies are half black
So...Husband and wife go, with 1 kid.
At $120 a person for the reception, do you think most families are giving them $360 just to cover expenses?
I’ve seen people spend enough on a wedding to put a down payment on a nice little house. Makes no sense - especially when so many of them wind up divorced not too long later.
And then they go and do the white-dress thing again.
I always cringe at the assertion of a “right,” even though it’s often just a figure of speech.
That said, having read the article, I think the lady is somewhat reasonable. She and her fiancé have planned a wedding and reception that are not amenable to the participation of children. It is reasonable for them to invite only adults, and it is reasonable for invitees to decline the invitation if they prefer not to attend.
She says the wedding is in New York City. If they live there, this is also reasonable, but if that’s their “destination,” I still think that’s rude.
My pastor made the point yesterday that weddings used to be celebrated as part of the regular mass on Sundays. It was considered a community celebration.
“It’s her wedding”
The groom won’t be there?
Destination weddings, unless you are returning home, are selfish on the part of the marrying couple.
“I want to travel a long way so I don’t have to travel for the honeymoon, and I want you to come!” And she’s adding a caveat “I want you to come but without the children, though that’s your cost/hassle for childcare back home or at the destination!”
Sit and enjoy the ceremony, don't distract people with your camera up in the air, no screaming babies during the walk down the aisle, or vows, or sermon.
There is a time and place for children. A wedding isn't it.
She is free to have her wedding however she likes, but if you want to start the beginning of your family by leaving out a big part of your own then personally I question her core values.
I love weddings, not because of all the pomp and circumstance that can go with them... The biggest reasons I enjoy weddings are its one of the very few times in life you see entire families of all ages get together for a joyous event... For days old children to 90 year old relatives. Unless your family is all living close by weddings are one of the few joyous times they will all get together.
A wedding without children might as well be a gay blasphemous celebration of sodomy as far as I’m concerned. Too focused on the party and the bride and groom than the larger world and life they will and are part of.
I don’t understand the spending, either.
One study said that the success of a marriage correlates positively with the number of guests at the wedding. However, this is unconnected with costs. You can have 500 people (say, most of your church congregation) at a wedding that costs $500.
She’s a very picky girl.
I totally agree...kids do not belong everywhere and these days most of them are brats with lazy parents.
Just wait until you have grandchildren!
ML/NJ
We attended one of those this summer, well, groom side.
We actually traveled to it because my husband’s family were from Colorado, and the groom and his bride returned home for the wedding so that his parents, several siblings, cousins and grandparents were all there. One day for the wedding, three for family visits with cousins, second cousins for our children. They saw it as a play date/vacation when you added in a rodeo, carnival, Pike’s Peak visit.
Then they went on the Caribbean honeymoon.
If someone said “I want you to come to our Caribbean honeymoon”, the answer would be no.
Quote: Oh girl I have one better...my dad said once “if you want to elope I’ll hold the ladder”.
Lol! My dad used to say he would provide a tall ladder and 2 bus tickets to anywhere in the country.
Exactly. To me a lot of it now days for too many couple comes down to who can spend the most money and have the most lavish and most talked about wedding, how can they one up the other weddings they’ve been to. And nothing about the importance and seriousness of the actual marriage ceremony and the vows. And there are some TV shows that promote this – Four Weddings and Say Yes To The Dress, etc. And I am flabbergasted on the amount of money being spent on weddings now days.
And I notice in her post, that there is no mention of love, no mention of a lifelong commitment as husband and wife and no mention of any intention to ever start a family of their own and of course no mention of marriage being a sacrament, no mention of God. No, it’s all about the wedding “experience” - showing off how classy and sophisticated they are (most likely how sophisticated she thinks or wants people to think she is) and how she must be the center of attention.
If she doesn’t want guests to bring their children, that is her prerogative and her guests should absolutely respect that and find a babysitter or stay home. But then if you read the whole thing, she’s actually pissed that some guests decided not to come, as if “how dare they put their children before me!”
I get that unruly children and the parents who cannot keep them under control or who never taught them manners can certainly be unpleasant and I also get why, especially during the wedding ceremony, that a crying baby or an unruly toddler running up and down the aisle would be a distraction. But even if that were to happen, is her wedding really ruined? Is she somehow no less married? Does the world end if all eyes are not trained on her the entire time?
And my goodness, if she can’t handle that, how is this precious snowflake going to handle it when she finds out that married life is not always picture perfect and worthy of documenting on Pinterest.
Call me selfish, but at my wedding, I want to be the center of attention.
If you want kids at your wedding, fine. But my fiancé and I aren't even particularly fond of kids; why would we have them at our wedding?
What’s the over/under on how long this marriage will last?
I’m guessing that the cost of this wedding is going to be well north of $50,000. If you’re paying that then excluding kids is the least of your worries in the pretension department.
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