Posted on 10/07/2016 5:45:06 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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WH PRESS SECRETARY @weknowwhatsbest
FEMA is flying Tim Kaine to Florida where Hurricane Matthew will make landfall to see if he can interrupt it.
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Yay! Friday!!
Step 1: You put your right hand in, you put your right hand out, you put your right hand in - and you shake it all about.
Step 2: You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around….
Result of the Action Described: That’s what it’s all about!
Several days ago as I left a meeting I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys.
They were not in my pockets.
A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car.
Frantically, I headed for the car park.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion!
His theory was right. The car park was empty.
I immediately called the police.
I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband’s mobile.
“Hello My Love,” I stammered; I always call him “My Love” in times like these.
“I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”
There was a long period of silence.
I thought the call had disconnected, but then I heard his voice.
He barked, “I dropped you off!”
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, please come and get me.”
He retorted, “I will, as soon as I can convince this policeman I have not stolen your car.”
This is what they call, “a senior moment.”
Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’. ‘Is it common?’I asked. ‘It’s not unusual’ he replied.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent.
Gross! Lol!!
I think the caption to the first pic should be:
Hillary got some truth caught in her throat.
#12: Message to God re “AMericans: At least 2016 couldn’t get any weirder. God: “send in the clowns”.
Message to God: “51% of Americans did “send in the clowns in 2008 and 2012”. Please don’t send in any more. Congress is full of them; the Supreme Court is full of them; and the Red House is full of them.
To us plain folk, these America-destroying bastards are the same folks who appeared in “Killer Clowns From Outer Space”, but have been more successful and destructive AND THEY ARE REAL.
Emmett Kelly they ain’t!!
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