Posted on 04/26/2016 8:29:11 AM PDT by Uncle Miltie
In Soviet Russia, VACATION TAKES YOU!
In Soviet Russia, JAIL GOES TO YOU!
In Soviet Russia, JOKE TELLS YOU!
In Soviet Russia, PRESIDENT ASSASSINATES YOU!
In the 1980s a U.S. reporter and a Soviet reporter were discussing their societies. The American reporter proudly told the USSR reporter: “I have freedom of speech... so I can stand in front of the White House and yell ‘President Ronald Reagan is an SOB’, and I won’t get arrested.”
The Soviet reporter unimpressed responded: “No big deal sir... I can stand in front of the Kremlin and yell ‘President Ronald Reagan is an SOB’… and I won’t get arrested either!”.
A Russian is informing the KGB. “I think my neighbors have suspicious contact with the West.”
KGB agent: “How can you tell?”
Russian: “I hear them eating every night!”
Brezhnev was hosting a Chinese minister and the Chinese asked him
how things were going with the Soviet economy.
“Let me put it this way,” replied Brezhnev. “ Reagan has 100 advisers and one of them is a spy but he doesn’t know which one.”
“Mitterand has 100 mistresses and one of them has AIDS but he doesn’t know which one.”
“I have 100 economists and one of them is smart but I don’t know which one.”
The first flight out of the USSR after the wall fell was cleared for landing at Dulles airport in Washington, DC.
The pilot touched down right on the edge of the tarmac, slammed on the brakes, put the engines in reverse with as much power as he could get and started praying.
Both the pilot and co-pilot were sweating bullets as the plane came to a halt just as the front wheel dropped off the edge of the tarmac into the grass.
The Pilot sat back, heaved a huge sigh, wiped his forehead with his sleeve and said “Comrade co-pilot, I don’t see how these Americans defeated us. Americans have the shortest runways I have ever seen.”
The co-pilot nodded as he looked left, then right. “Yes”, he said, “but they are really, really wide.”
For later
"And then things got worse."
Lenin, Stalin and Gorbachev were riding on a train. The train comes to a halt.
Lenin says, “I will get this train moving.” He goes up front and shoots the engineer. The train does not start moving.
Stalin says, “I will get this train moving.” He finds the conductor and shoots him. The train still refuses to move.
Gorbachev goes around the train car and pulls down all the window shades. Then he tells them, “Now, we’re moving.”
Last Communist Conquest? Obola.
latest Communist joke: Bernie Sanders
Latest Communist nightmare: Hillary Rodham Clinton.
For later. Thanks
This is a Russian soda vending machine. You put your coin in, it fills the glass... you drink and put the glass back for the next person:
And here's a typical Soviet highway rest stop. All they serve at those rest stops was beer, but you had to bring your own container:
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