Lenin, Stalin and Gorbachev were riding on a train. The train comes to a halt.
Lenin says, “I will get this train moving.” He goes up front and shoots the engineer. The train does not start moving.
Stalin says, “I will get this train moving.” He finds the conductor and shoots him. The train still refuses to move.
Gorbachev goes around the train car and pulls down all the window shades. Then he tells them, “Now, we’re moving.”
A German, an American, and a Russian had an argument who could feed mustard to a cat most easily.
The German grabbed the cat and forced a spoon with mustard into its mouth. The other two protested: “This is violence!”
The American hid some mustard between two sausage slices. The other two protested: “This is deception!”
The Russian spreaded the mustard under the cat’s tail. The cat immediately started licking it off, meowing loudly. “Comrades, look, - first, it’s eating it voluntarily, secondly, it’s singing, so it’s happy!”