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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity
| 12/10/2015
| ArGee
Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: NicknamedBob; Tax-chick
Used to read through those threads, whilst still lurking.
It was an eduction to say the least. :)
10,021
posted on
06/25/2016 10:59:28 AM PDT
by
moose07
(DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
To: moose07
It was mostly fiction. I wasn’t really that drunk.
10,022
posted on
06/25/2016 12:59:11 PM PDT
by
Tax-chick
("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
10,023
posted on
06/25/2016 1:11:42 PM PDT
by
NoCmpromiz
(John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment. I)
To: NoCmpromiz; Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; moose07; All
Hahahaha!
(Just to let you know that I, for one, am still alive!
10,024
posted on
06/25/2016 2:11:47 PM PDT
by
Monkey Face
("Mom, when you die, they should donate your body to science fiction." -- Hockeybughow)
To: Monkey Face
And with that, I’m off to watch the dreams.
10,025
posted on
06/25/2016 2:42:48 PM PDT
by
Monkey Face
("Mom, when you die, they should donate your body to science fiction." -- Hockeybughow)
To: Monkey Face
Hope you have a good night!
10,026
posted on
06/25/2016 3:00:55 PM PDT
by
Tax-chick
("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
To: moose07
Eduction?
Does the Queen know what you’re doing to Her language?
10,027
posted on
06/25/2016 3:01:40 PM PDT
by
NicknamedBob
(If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
To: NicknamedBob
I’ve go the paperwork here ,somewhere. Be right with you. :-)
10,028
posted on
06/25/2016 3:08:34 PM PDT
by
moose07
(DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
To: Darksheare
Darks?
Time for a new thread.
10,029
posted on
06/25/2016 4:18:38 PM PDT
by
null and void
(Hillary Milhouse Clinton: I'm not a c-c-c-crook! Crook! Yeah, that's the c-word I was looking for!)
10,030
posted on
06/25/2016 10:30:49 PM PDT
by
NoCmpromiz
(John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment. I)
To: NoCmpromiz
10,031
posted on
06/26/2016 2:46:30 AM PDT
by
Tax-chick
("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...
10,032
posted on
06/26/2016 2:49:19 AM PDT
by
Tax-chick
("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
To: Tax-chick; moose07; Monkey Face
Good morning
Time for a light breakfast....
10,033
posted on
06/26/2016 3:01:43 AM PDT
by
Covenantor
(Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
To: Covenantor
Maybe after a little more coffee.
10,034
posted on
06/26/2016 3:09:30 AM PDT
by
Tax-chick
("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
To: Tax-chick
Putting kitteh to work.....at what it does best
10,035
posted on
06/26/2016 3:22:52 AM PDT
by
Covenantor
(Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
To: Covenantor
If she puts in a full day, she’ll make the price of a can of high-end gooshy food.
10,036
posted on
06/26/2016 3:29:15 AM PDT
by
Tax-chick
("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07
The Alley Oop breakfast special...
10,037
posted on
06/26/2016 3:35:23 AM PDT
by
Covenantor
(Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
To: Covenantor
Dinosaur steak and eggs. Perfect!
10,038
posted on
06/26/2016 3:37:04 AM PDT
by
Tax-chick
("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
To: NoCmpromiz; NicknamedBob; moose07; Tax-chick; Covenantor
Whoa. Give the guys a 10,000 post thread and they run away with it!
I’ve been logged on for five minutes and haven’t been able to contribute anything in keeping with the current trend of conversation. I’d go back to bed if I thought I could get away with it, ‘cuz this might just be a bad dream.
And all I can think of is, “Wait fer me!!!”
10,039
posted on
06/26/2016 4:27:32 AM PDT
by
Monkey Face
("Mom, when you die, they should donate your body to science fiction." -- Hockeybughow)
To: Monkey Face
Good morning. It’s a day for interesting breakfasts on the Undead Thread.
10,040
posted on
06/26/2016 4:30:24 AM PDT
by
Tax-chick
("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
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