ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[moose07]

Used to read through those threads, whilst still lurking.
It was an eduction to say the least. :)

[Tax-chick]

It was mostly fiction. I wasn’t really that drunk.

[NoCmpromiz]

[Monkey Face]

Hahahaha!

(Just to let you know that I, for one, am still alive!

[Monkey Face]

And with that, I’m off to watch the dreams.

[Tax-chick]

Hope you have a good night!

[NicknamedBob]

Eduction?

Does the Queen know what you’re doing to Her language?

[moose07]

I’ve go the paperwork here ,somewhere. Be right with you. :-)

[null and void]

Darks?

Time for a new thread.

[NoCmpromiz]

[Tax-chick]

LOL!

[Tax-chick]

[Covenantor]

Good morning

Time for a light breakfast....

[Tax-chick]

Maybe after a little more coffee.

[Covenantor]

Putting kitteh to work.....at what it does best

[Tax-chick]

If she puts in a full day, she’ll make the price of a can of high-end gooshy food.

[Covenantor]

The Alley Oop breakfast special...

[Tax-chick]

Dinosaur steak and eggs. Perfect!

[Monkey Face]

Whoa. Give the guys a 10,000 post thread and they run away with it!

I’ve been logged on for five minutes and haven’t been able to contribute anything in keeping with the current trend of conversation. I’d go back to bed if I thought I could get away with it, ‘cuz this might just be a bad dream.

And all I can think of is, “Wait fer me!!!”

[Tax-chick]

Good morning. It’s a day for interesting breakfasts on the Undead Thread.