Posted on 08/14/2015 7:48:39 PM PDT by proud American in Canada
Hi,
I feel like I have relied on FR so much recently. Everything is breaking down around here. My husband checked himself into a hospital a couple of days ago; he needs heart bypass surgery.
My son and daughter are in the Gaspe peninsula visiting their grandmother. They will come back in a week, except my son will be stopping in Montreal to go to college.
Our house is falling apart; we have no exterior back wall and the insurance won't pay for it, that will cost $15K Canadian.
I am a lawyer in Colorado, but don't really know the ropes here in QC, especially in French.
I had my drivers license suspended for medical reasons; I am now on medication and should get it back soon. I have to, because my husband won't be allowed to drive after he has his surgery, which he won't have for another two weeks.
I just don't know what to do, except I do retreat to the feelings I have felt since I was fourteen... I was a "cutter" before it was cool. Over thirty years ago, I would walk from my law school dorm room in Chicago to the Walgreens... to buy razor blades. It felt so good to cut myself.
Now, all I can think about is finding those stupid keys for the gun locks that my husband put on his guns (he knows me too well).
I used to think I had something to contribute to the world. Now, I am not sure.
I called the hospital and I just wanted to go over there and sleep in a cot next to him, but I'm not allowed.
It's just me and my black Lab named Ellie.
Anyway, sorry to bother you all. Just wondered if anyone else here felt like this sometimes and what did you do about it?
please consider all that you enjoy doing in life. choose one (the one you like the most, perhaps), and pick it as your new (or old) career.
keep yourself busy and focus on doing things that are in the area of the new career.
talk with people, especially people in the area of the new career.
remember that things are always darkest in the second act of a four act play— when the hero seems to be faced with insurmountable odds. view yourself as that you are simply in the second act, and you have two more and possibly happier acts to look forward to.
Thank You!
I’m so sorry to be so late to reply! I, too, have been prone to depression pretty much all my life. I have wished I’d never been born more than a few times, but never been suicidal or intentionally hurt myself.
Two things: I’ve never been able to shake the fear (?) that just as soon as I did (offed myself) some incredible thing would happen, right away, that would completely change my life & I would have screwed myself out of it.
The only thing that’s ever really helped a bad funk is nature- watching the critters at our feeders, going to the beach to just sit & heal, someplace with lots of trees. YMMV.
God Is *Right. There.* with you, Proud American. We are only looking through a keyhole, but He Sees our whole lives & everything that is around us. And every single thing that happens in our lives fits together as tight as puzzle pieces when we look back on it. The change that is inevitable goes both ways; bad to good as much as good to bad.
I’ll be keeping you in my prayers. Things WILL turn around for you, I know.
“Two things: I’ve never been able to shake the fear (?) that just as soon as I did (offed myself) some incredible thing would happen, right away, that would completely change my life & I would have screwed myself out of it.
The only thing that’s ever really helped a bad funk is nature- watching the critters at our feeders, going to the beach to just sit & heal, someplace with lots of trees. YMMV.”
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We have a lot in common, KGeorge! I want to live a long time because I ‘want to see what happens’, LOL! It’s interesting, you know? Like watching the news or reading a good book!
And yes, I have a bird feeder and love to watch them; yesterday there was a hummingbird right outside.
I also love going to the beach, and I actually live on a street called “Boisvert,” or, “Green Woods.”
I will have to fix up my profile page and put a pic of all the gorgeous trees around my house, and the lovely pond right here, with tons of frogs and lily pads. I am so blessed. Not sure why, but I really am. :)
:-D Theeere you go. And even in the worst of times, we are all so very Blessed. I found happiness (real happiness) in being grateful for what I had, this day, right now, when our first Eskie was thought to have terminal cancer. It was so odd. (We had her another 3 years, until she was just past 15)
Why-because Our Father Always Blesses us. It’s just what He Does. Sometimes, even when we’re thinking it’s something bad, you look back & it’s ohhh. You see what (good thing) couldn’t have happened otherwise.
I’m so happy to see you feeling better!! It really will be okay, no matter what happens. There is no way it cannot, if you put your trust in Him. He is carrying you, even when you think you can’t go on/ can’t stand it. (I’ve learned to tell myself “just be patient”. Because it’s true- if we will just be patient, He’s Working it out.) There’s a little poem kind of thing like this, somewhere.
Were/ Are you on The Right Scoop? Because one of my favorite posters there had a screen name similar to yours.
“Were/ Are you on The Right Scoop?’
No, I have never heard of that place. I’ll have to check it out! :)
Thanks again!
You should! It’s also an excellent site.
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