I’m so sorry to be so late to reply! I, too, have been prone to depression pretty much all my life. I have wished I’d never been born more than a few times, but never been suicidal or intentionally hurt myself.
Two things: I’ve never been able to shake the fear (?) that just as soon as I did (offed myself) some incredible thing would happen, right away, that would completely change my life & I would have screwed myself out of it.
The only thing that’s ever really helped a bad funk is nature- watching the critters at our feeders, going to the beach to just sit & heal, someplace with lots of trees. YMMV.
God Is *Right. There.* with you, Proud American. We are only looking through a keyhole, but He Sees our whole lives & everything that is around us. And every single thing that happens in our lives fits together as tight as puzzle pieces when we look back on it. The change that is inevitable goes both ways; bad to good as much as good to bad.
I’ll be keeping you in my prayers. Things WILL turn around for you, I know.
“Two things: I’ve never been able to shake the fear (?) that just as soon as I did (offed myself) some incredible thing would happen, right away, that would completely change my life & I would have screwed myself out of it.
The only thing that’s ever really helped a bad funk is nature- watching the critters at our feeders, going to the beach to just sit & heal, someplace with lots of trees. YMMV.”
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We have a lot in common, KGeorge! I want to live a long time because I ‘want to see what happens’, LOL! It’s interesting, you know? Like watching the news or reading a good book!
And yes, I have a bird feeder and love to watch them; yesterday there was a hummingbird right outside.
I also love going to the beach, and I actually live on a street called “Boisvert,” or, “Green Woods.”
I will have to fix up my profile page and put a pic of all the gorgeous trees around my house, and the lovely pond right here, with tons of frogs and lily pads. I am so blessed. Not sure why, but I really am. :)