Suicide... thinking about it. pros/cons?

August 14, 2015 | self

[proud American in Canada]

Hi,

I feel like I have relied on FR so much recently. Everything is breaking down around here. My husband checked himself into a hospital a couple of days ago; he needs heart bypass surgery.

My son and daughter are in the Gaspe peninsula visiting their grandmother. They will come back in a week, except my son will be stopping in Montreal to go to college.

Our house is falling apart; we have no exterior back wall and the insurance won't pay for it, that will cost $15K Canadian.

I am a lawyer in Colorado, but don't really know the ropes here in QC, especially in French.

I had my drivers license suspended for medical reasons; I am now on medication and should get it back soon. I have to, because my husband won't be allowed to drive after he has his surgery, which he won't have for another two weeks.

I just don't know what to do, except I do retreat to the feelings I have felt since I was fourteen... I was a "cutter" before it was cool. Over thirty years ago, I would walk from my law school dorm room in Chicago to the Walgreens... to buy razor blades. It felt so good to cut myself.

Now, all I can think about is finding those stupid keys for the gun locks that my husband put on his guns (he knows me too well).

I used to think I had something to contribute to the world. Now, I am not sure.

I called the hospital and I just wanted to go over there and sleep in a cot next to him, but I'm not allowed.

It's just me and my black Lab named Ellie.

Anyway, sorry to bother you all. Just wondered if anyone else here felt like this sometimes and what did you do about it?

[teppe]

Through my life long struggle with depression ... I often think of a quote a mentor of mine once said:

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Also, my faith in God is such that I believe that if I actually did commit suicide that I would shortly afterwards open my spiritual eyes in another world and realize that instead of an escape .... I just made my problems a whole lot worse!

[Calpublican]

I once considered it. (I still often don’t
care about living that much but don’t consider
ending it all.)
Someone said to me, “Go ahead, but if you think
that will end your problems, you’re wrong.
You have to face them, but it will be harder.”
I don’t know if that’s true, but it sounded
true. We have problems for a reason so soldier
on, no matter how painful.

[Cronos]

Will pray for you at mass tidy. Take heart, the days are long and the pain seems never-ending but there is a light at th end and we don’t see it until we are in it

[Pikachu_Dad]

If you are posting about it, you need to call the hotlines and get some one on one time.

Get down to that hospital. Visit with your husband as long as they will let you.

And then, why don’t you get their rules changed. Ahem. Read this.
http://healthydebate.ca/2015/03/topic/visiting-hours

[kalee]

Please think of your family, especially your children. My best friend’s mother committed suicide and my friend has a hole in her life, and in her heart, that has never healed. It will affect your family forever. Please get help through a suicide prevention center. Praying for you.

[mountn man]

My best friends brother committed suicide 25 years ago.

My buddy and I are like brothers.

His dad was my surrogate dad, when my dad baled on me after my parents were divorced.

I still call my buddy's parents mom and dad, and I'm 52. Been calling them that for 35 years.
I'm THE ONLY one, not actually one of their kids, who can call them that, INCLUDING their sons in law.

When Darren died, it was like losing a kid brother.

I was there when they got the call.

I was at the hospital when the dr came out to tell them there was nothing they could do.

I was asked to join them, when they went in to see him.

I cleaned the blood up in his room.

25 years later I still have tears in my eyes typing this.

Last year, the former youth pastor of our church committed suicide. Really shook a lot of people up.

I went over to "Dad" to see how him and "Mom" were doing, as it was within just a few days of the anniversary of Darrens death.

I stood there holding two 80 year old people, who STILL grieve the loss of their son 25 years ago.

He was 17 then.

He'd be 42 today.

Occasionally, I wonder what he would be like today, as an adult.

He ended HIS problems 25 years ago. He started a problem for many, that they have been dealing with for 25 years.

By the way...
3 years before Darren killed himself, I went with the family, to the Wisconsin Dells for the weekend. Spent one day at Noahs Ark, a water park. There was a picture taken of Darren and I together. (Like I said, kid brother)

I have his picture, tucked into the lower right hand corner, of my bedroom mirror.

STILL

25 years later

Whose lives (and how many) will you scar for 25+ years???

You mentioned a husband with heart problems.
You mentioned a son.
You mentioned a daughter in law.
You mentioned your son at his grand parents...Your parents???
Any grand kids...or future grand kids???
Brothers?
Sisters?
Friends?

You mentioned Ellie, your black lab.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2768198/posts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEQ_-yJrL_Y

[abigkahuna]

Alright, this is going to sound strange, but I am not being flip. Go to the library and check out a book. Remember you have to return that book in say two weeks...that is your responsibility, of course....in another week, go to the library to check out another book, and so forth. As long as you have books checked out from the library, you have a personal responsibility to return them, thus life, no matter the temporary circumstances will continue because you have that library book to return. Keep checking out books from the library.

[bluejean]

Do you love your husband? Don’t abandon him to recover from major surgery while dealing with your suicide.

Do you love your son? Don’t wreck what should be a major event for him, going to college, by making him deal with your suicide.

Do you love your dog? Don’t abandon him to the loss of his human companion and master because of your suicide.

Do you have friends you care about? Other family members? Don’t put them through that.

Everyone is dealing with things similar to yours - health crises, financial worries, empty nest, etc. We really do get through all this stuff more often than not. You’ll be looking back six months from now saying, “wow, that was rough, but we’re making it”. More often than not.

Suicide is irreparable, un-doable, and leaves gaping wounds in the lives of the people left behind. It’s destructive as hell. It serves no helpful purpose. Talk to someone. Now.

[Secret Agent Man]

I know you have tough challenges facing you. Burdens,perhaps.

You can also choose to view them as things that give your life purpose. This is your time to shine. You are vitally needed right now. Certainly it will test the core character of who you are.

I will wis you and yours the best, and pray for your success. You are equipped to handle things. You dont have to do them perfectly. Just do your best with what you have and know right now. If you realize you dont know enough, then thats part of getting up to speed.

And for Gods sake hug your dog, lots. Black labs are the best dogs in the world. Talk to God,,pray. It helps.

[Tuscaloosa Goldfinch]

The book of Mark talks a lot about evil spirits. We don't tend to talk about them anymore - but where do we think they all went? THEY are the authors of those thoughts that come to us in difficult times with words of despair, such as - "it will never get any better" "how can this possibly work out" "you should just end it all" -- those messages are from the enemy of our souls.

In good times, the whisperings may change to ones of pride or selfishness or complacency.

Our response to these voices that come to us must be , "I do not agree with you, Satan, but I agree with the Word of God, in which He tells me that He will never leave me nor forsake me, that I am loved with an everlasting love, and that my help is in the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. "

if you will look at the account of the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness, He answered every temptation presented to Him by Satan with scripture, and that must be our example. You can do all things through Christ which strengthens you." As far as your house, ask the Lord what His solution is for that - He most assuredly has one! He will supply ALL your needs if you cling to Him.

[HANG THE EXPENSE]

I hope God eases your pain somehow my FRiend.

[boxlunch]

I am praying for you, and God does love you! Please see if you can obtain this book “Be Not Afraid” by Kristi Gant. It may change your life “

http://www.inpraiseministries.com/studies/be-not-afraid-gods-amazing-provision-for-the-anxious-heart

[cqnc]

Anger turned inward is depression. Show me someone who is depressed and I will show you ANGER. Often it is deeply submerged. What are you angry about? What are you doing about it? Some are taught that all anger is wrong, but righteous anger is a great motivator. Even our Lord got angry, then he confronted what he was angry about.

Do not turn this anger inward. You can learn 2 years of French in 21 days (e.g., Rosetta Stone, etc.) Your gifts and graces are welcome in QC. I have been there and seen their capacity to love and reward. Do Not Give Up! Please seek effective counselling.

The Lord Bless and Keep You!

[Seizethecarp]

We are here for you!

I am so glad that you chose to reach out to FRiends for help and guidance.

Praying for you.

[Do the math]

GOD bless you. I love you and GOD loves you, please do not hurt yourself. I have been where you are, I had four surgeries in four years and I wanted to die. Please hang in there, I lost everything, but I am still alive. You can overcome this hardship, and I will have thousands of people who will pray for you. Please get help, you are not alone. Please do not hurt yourself, I beg you. My mentor committed suicide and I never got over it. Your husband needs you. Don't give up! If you want my phone number or email address I will give it to you. YOU ARE LOVED.

[Heart-Rest]

Julie, here are some "hopeful" hymns that may be helpful for you tonight and going forward.

• Whispering Hope

• God On The Mountain

• God Walks The Dark Hills

• Walk With Me Lord

• Master, The Tempest Is Raging

• It Is Well With My Soul

• He Washed My Eyes With Tears

(God bless you.   I'll be praying for you.)

[luckystarmom]

My son’s roommate attempted suicide ladt semester and my son saw it. His roommate survived, but it scarred my son. His family was devastated.

Suicide doesn’t just affect you. It affects others.

You may not know you are valued by others, but you are.

Please get help!

[texas_mrs]

Friend, I pray you overcome those dark thoughts and consider all you have that many would feel fortunate to possess There will be better times ahead and your family would suffer so for your loss! Please find peace and happiness in your blessings and don’t allow the bad things to get you down. I’ll be thinking of you and praying for you.

[Hetty_Fauxvert]

I have indeed felt like that, in the past. (I had a really horrible childhood, which gave me PTSD before I ever heard the term.) Many a time my cats were all that kept me from thinking about suicide too much.

But since my children were born, I realize I have an obligation to never do that, and this is why: Children of people who commit suicide are much more likely to commit suicide themselves, later on. (As if the parent’s action somehow gives them “permission,” in some way.) So I realized that when I had children, I closed that door for myself. I can hide in bed with the blankets over my head, binge-watch stupid shows and eat ice cream, pray, meditate, call a suicide prevention line (which I recommend, btw) or whatever else helps me get through those moments when I feel that pull. But when I had kids, I made a bargain with God and with myself that I would never knowingly do something to hurt my kids. And I can tell you feel that way too. So just try to absorb and accept that suicide has been taken off the table for you. (Here is an article about kids & how a parent’s suicide makes them more susceptible: http://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/news-and-research/children-who-lose-a-parent-to-suicide-more-likely-to-commit-suicide-themselves/)

God bless you!!! He loves you so much, even when you feel crummy about yourself. Please try to get help. I recommend a suicide prevention hotline. The people there are very caring and can help you greatly.

[RedHeeler]

Why did you remove post #119? Please explain your error.