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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 06/19/2015 5:58:14 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

In honor of Fathers Day
Here are some ways moms and dads take care of their kids differently...

Be very careful when baby is cooking with Dad. . . that is be sure baby isn't what's for dinner!

When kids get older, there is a reason why they'll remember play time with Dads more..

It's clear what's going on when kids are with Mom, but what the hell are they doing with Dad? Turning into little slaves?

Guess which parent a kid will learn to ride a two-wheeler faster with?

At amusement parks, Dad always seems to have MORE FUN than anyone else in the family.

Careful. . . Baby might be left behind in a zoo with the animals, when going with Dad.

Dad will dress kids in costumes ONLY adults understand and can laugh about.

Have you ever wondered how Dad is able to do the grocery shopping so DAMN QUICKLY?

Never mind ever having table manners. . . "Manners" don't exist in Dad's book.

Dads certainly have a "hands on" approach to this difficult baby time. Don't worry about Mom's onion, it numbs the gums.



16 All Time Funniest Dad Texts (warning: language)


Now for some funny riddles:

1. Take away my first letter, and I still sound the same. Take away my last letter, I still sound the same. Even take away my letter in the middle, I will still sound the same. I am a five letter word. What am I?

2. What is as light as a feather, but even the world’s strongest man couldn’t hold it for more than a minute?

3. What 5- letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

4. There are 3 switches downstairs. Each corresponds to one of the three light bulbs in the attic. You can turn the switches on and off and leave them in any position. How would you identify which switch corresponds to which light bulb if you are only allowed one trip upstairs

5. I am very heavy but, backwards I’m not.  What am I?

6. A cowboy rides into town on Friday; he stays two days and leaves on Saturday.  How can this be?

7. Where does afternoon come before morning?

8. What has a face and two hands, but no arms and legs?

9. I come one in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years.  What am I?

10. What gets wetter as it dries?

11. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly.  What is it?

12. Try to re-arrange the letters of NEW DOOR to make one word.

13. A basket contains 5 apples.  How can you divide the apples among 5 kids so that each child has an apple and one apple stays in the basket?












TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: dads; fathers; ofst; trans; transracial
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To: Lucky9teen
Hi FRiend, thanks for making us smile on FRidays!

I live in Yakima, Washington; I'm a retired soldier and electrician.

81 posted on 06/19/2015 10:50:05 AM PDT by PROCON (CRUZing into 2016 with Ted.)
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To: Liberty Valance
I'm in Kerrville TX

On a road trip from Kalifornia to Houston last fall, we stayed at the Sunday House....cute, well run Best Western.

82 posted on 06/19/2015 10:54:43 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (It ain't a "hashtag"....it's a damn pound sign. ###)
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To: TexasCajun


Fatman and Blobbin'
83 posted on 06/19/2015 10:57:43 AM PDT by Rebel_Ace (HITLER! There, Zero to Godwin in 5.2 seconds.)
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To: Liberty Valance

FReegards! Can you tell me if it is wise or possible for one to write their own offer on a property to buy? I know about buyer’s representatives and would consider using a particular one here who gives you back 25 percent of her 3 percent of the sale price. I would rather do it on our own and write the offer ourselves and employ a real estate lawyer (if there is such a thing) to handle the legal end of the buying process.

I also wonder what kind of professional could help us with the paperwork of our sale. We have not listed because we have a probable buyer. If he actually does want to buy our place, we only need someone to make sure everything is legal with our sale.

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks!


84 posted on 06/19/2015 10:59:38 AM PDT by TheConservativeParty (Don't Let The Turkeys Get You Down)
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To: Lucky9teen

I’m in Albuquirky. I’m a bean counter. I’d rather be somewhere else, doing something else, but, it pays the bills.


85 posted on 06/19/2015 11:05:53 AM PDT by IYAS9YAS (Has anyone seen my tagline? It was here yesterday. I seem to have misplaced it.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Henderson NV, ex-housewife and spinner of tall tales.


86 posted on 06/19/2015 11:07:39 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Sparkle taught me: No matter what life brings you, put some litter on that $*** and move on!)
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To: TheConservativeParty

That all sounds very good. Just make sure you use a liscenced Realtor. If anything goes wrong you will be glad you did. 3% sounds great. Most charge 5-6% in this area.


87 posted on 06/19/2015 11:10:04 AM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: Monkey Face
Don't you mean long tails?


88 posted on 06/19/2015 11:12:33 AM PDT by PROCON (CRUZing into 2016 with Ted.)
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To: Lucky9teen

I’m originally from CA, but lived in AZ, NM, and now ID. I work in manufacturing doing materials planning and purchasing, plus a bit of IT on the side. I know the hostess from this site. We’ve never actually met, as far as I know.


89 posted on 06/19/2015 11:14:48 AM PDT by Disambiguator
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To: Lucky9teen

I work in an office building in Atlanta. I fix stuff.


90 posted on 06/19/2015 11:15:42 AM PDT by Pan_Yan
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To: Lucky9teen

Proud to be an Okie from Muskogee
Architecture


91 posted on 06/19/2015 11:19:33 AM PDT by jag.drafting
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To: Rebel_Ace
Reminds me of an old joke from school. What would Batman & Robin be called if they got run over by a steamroller?

Flatman & Ribbon.

92 posted on 06/19/2015 11:21:24 AM PDT by 4yearlurker (No tagline today.)
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To: PROCON

Um...no. I have never spun cat hair from long tails.


93 posted on 06/19/2015 11:25:08 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Sparkle taught me: No matter what life brings you, put some litter on that $*** and move on!)
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To: Lucky9teen

“What is your profession?”

“AROOH! AROOH! AROOH!”


94 posted on 06/19/2015 11:25:33 AM PDT by Old Sarge (Its the Sixties all over again, but with crappy music...)
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To: Lucky9teen

Best thing is to see my profile.


95 posted on 06/19/2015 11:30:30 AM PDT by SkyDancer ( I Was Told Nobody Is Perfect But Yet, Here I Am ...)
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To: glennaro

96 posted on 06/19/2015 11:31:12 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Justice will not be served until those who r unaffected r as outraged as those who r. B Franklin)
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To: Lucky9teen

I’m in Salt Lake City. Not a native, just a transplant, never thought I’d end up spending years and years in Utah. I work in higher education. Yes, there are conservatives in higher ed, just not that many!


97 posted on 06/19/2015 11:31:28 AM PDT by Hoffer Rand (Bear His image. Bring His message. Be the Church.)
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To: Lucky9teen

San Antonio Texas and I am an IT Infrastructure/Operations manager.


98 posted on 06/19/2015 11:43:23 AM PDT by EQAndyBuzz
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To: Lucky9teen

And I hear that you are hot . . . literally.


99 posted on 06/19/2015 11:45:34 AM PDT by sockhead
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To: 4yearlurker

100 posted on 06/19/2015 11:46:47 AM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
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