Illegal pet monkey bites woman at bank, seized by ACS

KSAT ^ | January 30, 3015 | By RJ Marquez

[ConservativeStatement]

SAN ANTONIO - Officials with Animal Care Services seized a juvenile Macaque Monkey Thursday morning after it reportedly bit a woman at a North Side bank.

According to an ACS press release, the monkey's owner apparently brought the animal into the bank last week where the primate bit a female employee. The animal was also unrestrained.

The owner reportedly fled with the monkey after the incident, ACS officials said.

[ConservativeStatement]

If the monkey wore a hat and sunglasses, the bank would likely have not allowed entry.

[leapfrog0202]

OMG - who in the world takes a MONKEY to a bank? People have lost their minds.

[TigersEye]

Haterz are everywhere now. It’s not an illegal monkey it’s an undocumented monkey. A Dreamer monkey!

[Right Brother]

Was it a therapy monkey?

[leapfrog0202]

Was it a therapy monkey?

---

Never even thought of that! Of course it must have been! Like the therapy pigs, cats and dogs that people need on planes these days :-)

[pepsionice]

First, we need the FDIC to make a new regulation that prevents monkey entry into a insured bank.

Second, we need Treasury Department regulation to create a no-monkey zone within each US bank.

Third, we need state laws created to keep monkeys limited to bank parking lots only.

Fourth, we need a 600-page law drafted by congress to determine which monkeys are Ok and which are deemed non-Ok.

Fifth, we need an executive order to limit monkeys to only one per bank, with extra monkeys to stay at the outer door until the monkey ratio has gone back down to zero, then allow entry.

We can regulate this....if we just use our awesome powers.

[Mastador1]

OMG - who in the world takes a MONKEY to a bank? People have lost their minds.

Well sometimes moochelle just insists on going.

[ComputerGuy]

An illegal monkey? I guess deportation would be too much to ask. On second thought, he’s probably smarter than a lot of fence-jumpers. Let him stay.

[WildHighlander57]

In other words....

No monkey business at the bank!

[Redcitizen]

You should always leave your monkey in the trunk of the car when you go to the bank.

[Ezekiel]

OMG - who in the world takes a MONKEY to a bank? People have lost their minds.

Well why not. They shop at IKEA. Retail therapy monkey:

[boop]

Dreyfus: A minkey? You said minkey!

Clouseau: Yes a minkey. He was with the blind man at the bank.

Dreyfus: Did it ever occur to you that the blind man was the lookout?

Clouseau: Ridiculous. How could a blind man be the lookout?

Dreyfus: How can an idiot become a policeman?

[ComputerGuy]

Until we meet again and the case is sol-ved

[exDemMom]

I have no idea why anyone would want a monkey.

They carry a form of herpes that is often lethal to humans. It causes minimal symptoms in monkeys.

I wouldn’t have monkeys around, given the risk.

[LibWhacker]

There was a time...

Not fond of the French. Not fond of monkeys. But, damn, I miss the days when the world wasn't such a bunch of wusses.

[SWAMPSNIPER]

[RichInOC]

“I thought you said your minkey did not bite!”
“Zat is not my monkey!”

[Slings and Arrows]

Macaque mayhem!

[I want the USA back]

Probably trying to open an account for the monkey - after all, in today’s world, monkeys have rights too.

[SampleMan]

A goat, a monkey, and a midget walk into a bank...