Posted on 08/29/2014 5:45:30 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Thanks to Lazamataz's new book, I came across some other silliness:
Woman Shot in her own Driveway*
Linda Burnett, 26, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.
The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.
Wow! thanks.
IN!
Why is the elephant so poor?
Because he works for peanuts
Is it Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples...
FREEZER BAGS
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
TIRES
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOONS
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES
Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
HOURGLASS
An hourglass is female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying...
Barack the golfing man.
Tan I can!
There is no plan.
Tan I can!
hehe ...funny sh*t.
In French, all nouns are gender specific.
Automobiles confuse me, however. They say la voiture (female) and le car (male).
The most famous Volkswagen (German for “People’s car”) is a male, Herbie, but mine is definitely female. Her name is Heidi.
Just what everyone needs with those government mandated low flow toilets!
Yep, good shi—uh, stuff...
I saved the link to an old GIF that showed a box labeled "Supplies". When you clicked on it there was a pause and then the box popped open and two Japanese guys dressed in thongs jumped out and yelled "SUPLIZE!"
Today, I went to send it to someone and when I clicked the link I saved I got a message that said; "This GIF has been removed because it violates our standards of decency".
(this is what political correctness is doing to humor)
To heck with Heidi - what’s the name of that Corsair?
Watch Weird Al’s movie UHF to see that joke played out live action!
Cheers,
Jim
That Corsair is at the Military Aviation Museum in the Pungo section of Virginia Beach. Every fall they hold a car show and every entrant gets their picture taken with one of the planes.
Nice wheels.
How do you stop it from rusting?
All of those i remember as a kid separated in two along the sill line.
Q: What’s the difference between Burger King and Obama?
A: One’s a creepy king known for whoppers, and the other’s a fast food chain bolting high taxes.
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