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Posted on 03/07/2014 4:43:41 AM PST by Lucky9teen

For those who believe anything...(I got this in an email):

Dear Customer!!!

We have been waiting for you to contact us for your Confirm able Package that is registered with us for shipping to your residential Location. We had thought that your sender gave you our contact Details. It may interest you to know that a letter is also added to Your package.

We understand that the content of your package itself is a Bank Draft worth of $750,000.00 USD, FedEx does not ship money in CASH or in CHEQUES but can ship Bank Drafts. The package is registered with Us for mailing by your colleague from United Nations Organization, and Your colleague explained that he is from the U.S.A but he is currently In Africa for a three (3) months Surveying Project as he works with a Consultant firm in Nigeria, We are sending you this email because your Package is been registered on a Special Order. For your information, the VAT & Shipping charges as well as Insurance fees have been paid by your Colleague before your package was registered. Note that the payment that is made on the Insurance, Premium & Clearance Certificates, are to certify That the Bank Draft is not a Drug Affiliated Fund (DAF). This will help you Avoid any form of query from the Monetary Authority of your country.

However, you will have to pay a sum of $105.00 USD to the FedEx Delivery Department being full payment for the Security Keeping Fee of the parcel Been registered by your colleague, FedEx Company as stated in our privacy Terms & condition page.

Please note that packages are not shipped nor delivered on Saturday, Sunday and on holidays. If your order has been placed on any of these days, Then it may be shipped the following business day.

Kindly complete the below form and send it to the FEDEX DELIVERY POST With the below information's. This is mandatory to reconfirm your Postal address and telephone numbers.



Contact Person: Mr. Lambert O. James.
Phone: +2348161185018


If you have any other questions or concerns, Please feel free to contact us between Monday & Friday: 9:00am ? 9:00pm EST
Saturdays: 10:00am ? 5:00pm EST
Sundays: 10:00am - 4:00pm EST
Have a great day!
Federal Express Co-operation.
FedEx Online Team Management.
All rights reserved. © 1995-2014.

Human Kindness should be contagious...IMO Not silly, but very heart warming...


You have to STAY AWARE at all times!



Anyone watch those fishing programs on TV? This is a hoot!



The most precious little conductor How precious!!


A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town's grouch So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing', so what are you going to do?"

The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43."

Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells.

"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor.

So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"

Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."

Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the wretched crop................

Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.

Anagrams for Barack Hussein Obama

"BHO: Unmask a race bias."

"Bask, a no-Bush America!"

"Ouch, man! A bias breaks."

"Arab 'E' maniac KOs Bush." 

"Baha bankers IOU scam."

"O' I mash bareback anus!"

"A Shabbi Sack O Manure."

"A such Arab? Ask, I'm ebon."

"Asks, "Can I be a, ah, um, bro?"

"Arab Osama Bin he suck."

"Babushkas On, America!"

"Bank Him....B.O. USA-Caesar."

"A man hacks our babies."

"Abuse a charisma knob."

"HRC's a nuke-Asia A-bomb!"

"I am a bourse cash bank."

"O, man, I scare Babushka!"

"O, Cuba ranks him as Abe?"

"Can B. O. bar Sheik Usama?"

"I am a hack, abuser, snob."

"I am a hacker's anus bob."

"Arabic-shaken, USA mob?"

"Heck, USA, I'm an Arab SOB!"

"OK, ambush as nice Arab."

"Bam! (As I KO an HRC abuse.)"

"He sucks an A-bomb aria."

"Ban Bush, soak America."

"Obama bin Shark-Sauce."

"O Arabic snake, ambush!!"

"Aka a bomb has sin cure."

"AKA American HUB Boss."

"I am a bush snake (cobra)"

"Broke Bush as a maniac." 

"I, Arab sham, beckon USA."

"A bohemian 'Arab' sucks!"

"Caramba! Obedient Spark."

"Bad skeptic or mean Arab."

"Sneak barbaric, mad poet."

"O, embrace drab Pakistan!"

"An Arab backed imposter."

"Break combat and aspire."

"Arab base, pink Democrat!"

"Macabre Bonaparte, kids!"

KEYWORDS: ofst; putin; silliness; ukraine
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To: Lucky9teen; TheOldLady; ArGee; Lazamataz

61 posted on 03/07/2014 8:25:31 AM PST by Old Sarge (TINVOWOOT: There Is No Voting Our Way Out Of This)
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62 posted on 03/07/2014 8:25:59 AM PST by RandallFlagg ("I said I never had much use for one. Never said I didn't know how to use it." --Quigley)
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To: Lucky9teen

Damn....that’d go over great at one of Palm Springs’ weekly “pride” parades.

63 posted on 03/07/2014 8:40:46 AM PST by ErnBatavia (The 0baMao Experiment: Abject Failure)
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To: Lucky9teen

Q: Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?

A: He thought Barry sounded too American.

64 posted on 03/07/2014 8:40:50 AM PST by relentlessly
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To: Lucky9teen


65 posted on 03/07/2014 8:48:50 AM PST by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: relentlessly

Q: How can you tell if Obozo is lying?
A: There are words on his teleprompter.

66 posted on 03/07/2014 8:51:09 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: Liberty Valance

67 posted on 03/07/2014 9:05:17 AM PST by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers


68 posted on 03/07/2014 9:09:21 AM PST by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Dead Corpse

I swear by my pretty floral bonnet this world is unjust!

69 posted on 03/07/2014 9:17:29 AM PST by ItsOurTimeNow ("Scheming demons dressed in kingly guise, beating down the multitudes and scoffing at the wise.")
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To: ItsOurTimeNow

My days of not taking production execs seriously is certainly coming to a middle...

70 posted on 03/07/2014 9:23:42 AM PST by Dead Corpse (Tre Norner eg ber, binde til rota...)
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To: Lucky9teen

AHHHH! I've been waiting to let that one rip for 2 days!

71 posted on 03/07/2014 9:28:21 AM PST by hoagy62 ("Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered..."-Thomas Paine. 1776)
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To: Lucky9teen

72 posted on 03/07/2014 9:30:29 AM PST by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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73 posted on 03/07/2014 9:38:25 AM PST by RandallFlagg ("I said I never had much use for one. Never said I didn't know how to use it." --Quigley)
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(Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to ObamaGolf. My name is Trina. How can I help you?

(Customer) Hello, I received an email from Golfsmith stating that my Pro V1 order has been cancelled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your web site, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.

(Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the web site. It should be fixed by the end of 2014. But I can help you.

(Customer) Thanks, I ordered some Pro V1 balls.

(Receptionist) Sir, Pro V1’s do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with a choice of Pinnacle, TopFlite, or Callaway Blue.

(Customer) But I have played Pro V1 for years.

(Receptionist) The government has determined that Pro V1s are no longer acceptable, so we have instructed Titleist to stop making them. TopFlites are better, sir, I am sure you will love them.

(Customer) But I like the Pro V1. Why are TopFlites better?

(Receptionist) That is all spelled out in the 2700 page “Affordable Golf Ball Act” passed by Congress.

(Customer) Well, how much are these TopFlites?

(Receptionist) It depends sir; do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package?

(Customer) What’s the difference?

(Receptionist) 12, 24, 36 or 48 balls.

(Customer) The Silver package may be okay; how much is it?

(Receptionist) It depends, sir; what is your monthly income?

(Customer) What does that have to do with anything?

(Receptionist) I need that to determine your government Golf Ball subsidy; then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below the poverty level, you might qualify for a subsidy. In that case, I can refer you to our BallAid department.

(Customer) BallAid?

(Receptionist) Yes, golf balls are a right. Everyone has a right to golf balls. So, if you can’t afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.

(Customer) Who said they were a right?

(Receptionist) Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it Constitutional.

(Customer) Whoa.....I don’t remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding golf balls as a right.

(Receptionist) There’s no explicit mention of golf balls in the Constitution, but President Obama is a former constitutional scholar and he believes it would have been included if the Constitution had not been drafted by a bunch of slave-owning white men. The Democrats in the Congress and the Supreme Court agree with the President that golf balls are now a right guaranteed by the Constitution.

(Customer) I don’t believe this...

(Receptionist) It’s the law of the land, sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is your monthly income, sir?

(Customer) Forget it, I think I will forgo buying balls this year.

(Receptionist) In that case, sir, I will still need your monthly income.

(Customer) Why?

(Receptionist) To determine what your ‘non-participation’ cost would be.

(Customer) WHAT? You can’t charge me for NOT buying golf balls.

(Receptionist) It’s the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It’s $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income.....

(Customer - interrupting) This is ridiculous, I’ll pay the $49.50.

(Receptionist) Sir, it is the $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.

(Customer) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip-off!!

(Receptionist) Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.

(Customer) Look, I’m going to call my Congressman to find out what’s going on here. This is ridiculous. I’m not going to pay it.

(Receptionist) Sorry to hear that sir, that’s why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.

(Customer) Why does the NSA need to know what kind of cell phone I am using?

(Receptionist) So they get your GPS coordinates, sir

(Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door)

(Receptionist) That would be the IRS, sir. Thanks for calling ObamaGolf, have a nice day...and God Bless the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.

74 posted on 03/07/2014 10:02:32 AM PST by llevrok (F the government)
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> A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman.
> He grew up big, 6’ 2”, strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang.
He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.
> When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only
dreamed of working: a West Texas Sheriff’s Department.
> After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his
> office for the young man’s last interview.
> The Chief Deputy said, “You’re a big strong kid and you can
really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have,
what you might call, an “Attitude Suitability Test”,
> that you must take before you can be accepted.
> We just don’t let anyone carry our badge, son.”
> Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo
across the desk, the Chief said, “Take this pistol and go out and shoot:
> six illegal aliens,
> six lawyers,
> six meth dealers,
> six Muslim extremists,
> six Democrats,
> and a rabbit.”
> “Why the rabbit?” queried the applicant.
> “You pass,” said the Chief Deputy. “When can you start?”

75 posted on 03/07/2014 10:05:32 AM PST by llevrok (F the government)
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To: RandallFlagg

Boy, true dat.

76 posted on 03/07/2014 10:07:33 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Lucky9teen

YEAH!!!! Pizza's gonna be here in 30 minutes!!

77 posted on 03/07/2014 10:15:44 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: Dead Corpse

Yer pretty spry for a dead guy.

78 posted on 03/07/2014 10:16:17 AM PST by Pan_Yan (Who told you that you were naked? Genesis 3:11)
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To: Arrowhead1952

Oh man, that last one was bad.

79 posted on 03/07/2014 10:39:51 AM PST by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen
80 posted on 03/07/2014 10:51:47 AM PST by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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