Ladies, every man you work with thinks you want to sleep with him

Forbes ^ | 7-26-2012 | Meghan Casserly

[Sir Napsalot]

A new study suggests that—no matter how platonic you imagine a relationship may be—every man you know but aren’t related to is trying to sleep with you. And what’s worse, they think you’re trying to sleep with them right back.

Yes, really.

....

And while this unique insight into the male brain is troubling for male-female friendships around the world—including your insistence that you “stay friends” with all of your exes—the findings are much more disturbing when put into the context of the workplace. What about the platonic relationships you have with your male colleagues? Do male supervisors believe their female subordinates are in love with them? How does that shape corporate culture, the assessment of female employees and women’s advancement in the office?

[dagogo redux]

Looking at the pickings in our so-called culture today, I’d say these findings explain why so many men just stay on unemployment or disability and sit around all day playing video games and watching porn in their parents’ basement.

“Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself” - gazing out at the used car lot of available offerings, for most men this means celibacy, or ought to.

[Opinionated Blowhard]

This study seems very flawed. I work with a number of women and I don’t think one of them wants to sleep with me. In fact, over my career, I can only think of a handful of times when I thought a female co-worker was putting off signs that she wanted to have a more involved relationship (which I never pursued for all the legal problems that can come from something like that).

I actually have experienced the opposite in one organization where I worked — a woman who slept with at least two of our male co-workers.

[Tax-chick]

Congratulations! They can be amazingly competent, while at the same time being impossibly bratty ;-).

[jdsteel]

Men are pigs. I have told my daughters this fact. All men, of any age, no matter who they are have some of that pig inside. It is something as natural as breathing, but we men learn to live with it. As long as the thought police don’t arrest us there will be thoughts of sex flying into and out of mens minds on a regular basis. Even Jimmy Carter (not someone I usually agree with) admitted to lusting in his heart.

[C19fan]

Imagine if the study reversed the genders. I am 100% sure people like this Forbes author would be up in arms. But since this supposed study makes men look bad then it can be proclaimed from the rooftops. The entire premise of the Forbes article is false. It makes the mistake of taking a study about friendships and putting into the context of a working environment.

[WakeUpAndVote]

[Marie]

Look at the way business women dress, relative to the way business men dress. Although they may not want to sleep with them, it is clear that women see an advantage to teasing men in the workplace.

Oh, please. Yes, there are women who dress slutty - but that is usually not tolerated in the workplace. To me, it seems like a woman who dresses nice, is clean and wears nice makeup will be attractive - and men see that as a 'tease'.

And Lord help her if she has breasts...

Well then she's just asking for it.

[Gabz]

Not my point. not at all.

When I flew back in April for the first time since 2000, I was understandably nervous because of all the horror stories I’d heard and read (primarily here on FR) over the past few years. I was pleasantly surprised by the professionalism and politeness of every TSA agent I encountered. Same thing when I flew again 2 weeks ago.

I do admit, one of the first questions I asked my daughter when she called me between lights was about security. She said it was just like we dealt with 2 weeks ago.

While I will not deny the truth of the stories I’ve read, I have been fortunate in that it has not been my experience.

[Bratch]

... it’s very difficult to believe that any of them thinks a 46-year-old married woman with ten children, including a 6-month-old baby, is interested in sex with them.

Well, she's obviously interested in sex with somebody.

[dfwgator]

Revoke his Man Card.

[Tax-chick]

LOL! I can understand that. Admittedly, I’m not in the mainstream of socialization, but it seems to me that exchanging friendly text messages takes an association out of “working together politely” and into “personal interaction with room for development.”

I have an age-related aversion to using abbreviations, even when texting, although I’ve assimilated “K” and “pls.” The only people I text are my husband and my hairdresser, and my preferred colloquial signoff (if we’re going to meet) is “Seeya!”

[Gabz]

You’ve got that right!

She’s spending the week with my dad and my brother, with some visiting with my aunt. This is the first time she is spending any time with any of my family on her own. heck, she only met my brother for the very first time 2 weeks ago, when we all showed up in Florida to surprise my dad on his 75th birthday.

[Tax-chick]

Well, true. We didn’t find all these children on the doorstep ...

[stuartcr]

I think want to or think about is way more accurate than trying to.

[ThunderSleeps]

You're right, sounds like someone is wishing their male coworkers thought this way. I'd bet it is far more likely her ego needs to believe that, than it is that most guys actually feel that way about their female coworkers.

My perspective, having been in the workforce um ... "a number" years in several different companies is this ladies. In any good sized work environment:

• The younger guys, 20s to mid 30s don't even look at older women (much to their loss, but I digress)
• A couple of the late 20s guys are recently married (within the last several years) and don't have eyes for anyone but their wife
• A couple of the guys have new kids home, and are so sleep deprived they barely recognize you as human, let alone female, attractive...
• One or two of the guys are probably gay, so you're a non-factor for them
• Corollary to the previous bullet, one or two of your female coworkers are probably gay and may be checking you out
• There are a few older guys at work that would check you out, but they are so beat-up by PC and company policy they're simply not even going to let themselves think that way lest they lose their retirement
• There are a couple of guys there that are so focused on the technology, their careers, their plans, they only look at you as a help or not to their plans to get ahead
• There are a couple of guys there that are so caught up in their hobbies (eg. video games) they don't even know you work with them
• There are a couple of guys there so hung up on themselves that they've checked you out, and after about 30 seconds arrogantly (and probably incorrectly) decided they could do better and never look at you in that way again
• There are a couple of guys cheating on their wife, they don't have the time nor energy, they look at you and think "can she tell? Is her woman's intuition kicking in? Does she know my wife?"

All this leaves just a couple of guys who have actually checked you out and thought, yeah, if I ever get a chance... But all/most as the original author suggests? HA! I also imagine it is just about exactly the same for the ladies regarding us guys.

[9YearLurker]

No, I think you’re missing the sex-specific cues sent in such ‘teasing’: women more likely with their being physically attractive and men by being financially successful and in a position of power.

[Gabz]

I don’t have that issue at all — I just don’t text. I hate my touch screen phone and thus just don’t do it!

[Sir Napsalot]

This is a public plea:

PLEASE one Helen Thomas photo a day is PLENTY! No More!!! Nobody sane can take it any more.

Any fugly feminist mug would have made your point, but HT tops the cake.

[9YearLurker]

Click through to the abstract of the study and it doesn’t appear to make the claims in the article at all.

Twenty-something men are sexually attracted to more women than the opposite. That’s surely not a shock, but it’s a long way from every man thinks every woman in the workplace wants to get it on with him.

[Marie]

The most disingenuous statement in the world is when a woman says to a man: “But....I thought we were just friends.” All women over 18 understand male-female dynamics very well. Women realize how men are wired and can intuitively tell when a man is attracted to them. And they use it for all its worth—especially when a) they are not attracted to us and b) they know we won’t act on it. At the end of the day, when it comes to using sexuality, they are the professionals and we are the amatuers.

Brother, you are giving women *waaaaay* too much credit. I didn't figure it out until I was 26. I was happily married and working in a male-dominated job. One by one, all but two of the guys I worked with made a pass at me at one point or another.

I was truly shocked and horrified. I honestly did not see it coming. My husband had warned me and I didn't believe him.

The way female friends interact with each other (hugging, doing nice things for one another, intense personal conversations) was natural for me. When I started making friends with the guys, I treated them the way I would a good female friend. I NEVER thought that these idiots would see it as flirting. (Alright - *I* was the idiot.) They knew I was happily married. I thought that my ring was all the clarity that I needed.

My daughter is 20 and just now starting to figure it out. (Her dad and I have beat her over the head with this reality since she was 14... 'he wants to have sex with you'...)

No. Young women are pretty oblivious. And that can go on for much longer than it should because she doesn't *want* it to be true. Who wants to lose a good friend? So even when the reality starts to set it, she'll push it away for as long as she can because friendship means so much to her.