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First, In Ephesians and in James, those instructions are to those who are already in the faith. They are not directed to unbelievers.

So believers are told to submit themselves to God which implies that they have free will? Do non-believers not have free will but believers do?

With that out of the way, let's address what I see to be your biggest challenge. You keep talking about God "forcing Himself" on His elect. What you fail to notice is the fact that we are talking about "irresistable grace", meaning that this grace, when presented to the elect, is too good to resist. Why does God have to "force" me to accept Him when His grace is so desirable that I would jump over the furniture to receive it? God woos His elect, and gathers them to Himself on the basis of His irresistable charms. (Much like I wooed my wife with my irresistable charms!)

I'm not going to make a judgement on your charm...:-)

Maybe I was wrong, but I thought the argument was that the elect have no choice when it comes to God's calling. They have to do it. If you want to use the example of your wife, then she was always free to reject you (not that she would) no matter how irresistable you were. If you want an example of why human nature is so hesitant to select good over evil, then you only need to look at the example of some abused women. They stick with a guy who beat the crap out of them for whatever reason.

"So believers are told to submit themselves to God which implies that they have free will? Do non-believers not have free will but believers do?"

First, where have I ever said that non-believers don't have free will? (They are free to do whatever they want to do. The problem is that they, in their natural state, never want to please God.)

Those unregenerated will never please God.
Those regenerated, yet not glorified, can choose to please God or not.
Those glorified will never displease God.

So believers are told to submit themselves to God which implies that they have free will? Do non-believers not have free will but believers do?

Doug..if you can grasp this concept you will be the first non Calvinist to get it:>)) So I am hopeful

We all have free will..every one of us does exactly what we choose. Believers must be told to submit, to bend our not yet perfected wills, to line up with Gods..

Non believers... and the non elect (note there are elect people that are not yet believers:>) also have a free will and can do exactly what they choose to do...

So what is the difference in what the Calvinists say and the Arminians ..(and your church say?) . We believe that man is spiritually dead from the fall, not just a little injured. This fallen man's natural will, has his will shaped by what he is able to see and understand. The natural man will not seek after the sovereign God of creation.He will never choose to repent ,the natural man will never choose to give his life to Christ (be converted).

It is not until the man is changed by an act of the Holy Spirit that he wills to repent.The grace of God changes man so that he seeks and desires God...

He is now doing exactly what he wants..he is now freely choosing exactly what he wants.

The Grace of God has changed that man..his wants are changed.He now desires God.