I believe you. You have been indoctrinated into believing the Catholic way. It is ingrained.
Jesus many time times spoke in parables or metaphors. At first His Disciples did not understand until they were truly converted. Jesus was about changing the human heart. The New Covenant is about the Holy Spirit coming into us to achieve what God wants. To meet Him on His terms not ours.
The Catholic Church is big on rituals and ceremonies. The New Covenant cuts all through that and gets to the meat of things. The Mosaic Law was abolished on the cross. Now we celebrate life and each other every day in every act. Jesus told Peter to "Feed My sheep" three times. He wasn't talking about food.
My main problem with Catholics is they worship their denomination the way they should worship God.They think there is no salvation apart from the RCC. They indoctrinate people to believe that. None of the Disciples were Catholics, they were Jews. They lived as Jews and died as Jews. They followed the Law and did their best (with the Holy Spirit) to fulfill the Law as Jesus their example did.
I am sorry you feel that way. Being Catholic gives me more than being Protestant ever did.
All of the Apostles were baptized, all of them were ordained (at the Last Supper), and all of them died as Jewish Christians. And since the only Christian Church in existence was one, holy, catholic, and apostolic, they died as Jewish Catholic Christians.
Make up your mind!