Read Part 1 of Aqua's conversion story here.
How did our new Catholic Faith *CHANGE* anything for us, physically, specifically in our actions and behaviors? I have picked one obvious and lasting example. Everyone *should* have their own examples to tell, because everyone *should* be changed after conversion to the religion of Heaven itself in meaningful, practical ways here on earth.
For me, it was Life issues.
The essence of marriage is children, and up until now my Protestant faith led me to see children in very practical terms - what makes the most sense for *me*. Controlling life for my benefit and in accord with my will was therefor the key to how I viewed Life. Until now. Traditional Catholicism quickly showed me the error of my past ways.
There our family sat amidst the congregation, all of whom we deeply admired, many of whom we loved, our Protestant-style precisely planned-out (tiny little) family of three, evenly spaced, all so efficient, perfect, common- sensical. But ... as we look around at all these Catholic families, their families are large and within those families, as we get to know them, it's a ... *society* ... These large family units function so well, the older taking care of the younger, the younger looking up to the older, the parents largely just sitting back and letting the kids use their common sense to work things out amongst themselves. Go over to their houses, and it's not neat, tidy, orderly ... but what it is, is raucous, fun, energetic, deeply Catholic, filled with spiritual and physical energy with all that young Catholic life.
I had "large family envy".
I knew the logic of Protestant "family planning" was opposed to the logic of Catholic "openness to life", which was one of those treasures from the Sacred Deposit of Faith which was not open for debate - it just was, in all its glory: *life is a gift, not a plan*. And the fruits of my whole life, including now, proved I was on the wrong side - I chose the personal plan over the Divine gift. Oops!
This was not some side-topic. THIS WAS CORE. To be a married Catholic meant, centrally, to be open to life and receive it as the most precious of all treasures *so that* we could raise God's gifts of life to be with Him in heaven forever. *THAT*, not vacations, not fancy houses and cars, not date nights and fine dining with my beloved wife - but rather CHILDREN - were the primary point of marriage - the reason why God led me to my wife, (miraculously, a gift who fell out of heaven, but that's another story) so many years ago before I ever became Catholic. Why did I became Catholic? To glorify God and enjoy Him in heaven forever with all those for whom I am responsible. What God, through His Church tells me to do, I must do ... I WANT to do.
So ...
My wife and I were not able to conceive more children - we knew this by now. Our acute awareness of time, time, years of time, wasted on selfish pursuits - we knew this by now also. And we knew that we still had plenty of time to make amends.
And slowly, the plan began to germinate: we can't have kids, but we can make amends for past sins by adoption; we must make amends, actually - it is not optional for us, in conscience. God gave us time to correct our sins and prove our love for Him - use that time and spend our treasure (time and money) so that our outer life is in alignment with our inner belief. We say what we believe. Prove it. Prove it until it hurts. You say you are willing to "pick up your Cross and follow Him"? Prove it. Pick up an actual Cross and actually follow Him on the road of chosen suffering.
You say you are too old to start a young family? You say your retirement will be affected financially? You say you might not have the health to endure? You say you are not mentally equipped to deal with "special needs"?
"Can't, can't, can't" - actually means "scared, intimidated and selfish".
Instead? "Spend everything you have until your final days to prove your love for God by amending your life of childless luxury by simply imitating those large, happy Catholic families traveling in the full size vans who are shining examples of the Catholic Faith *IN PRACTICE* - not theory, real live children as evidence of that which you *say* governs your soul".
And so - we began adopting children. First one. He had a learning disability - the sacrifices began. A child with special needs and likely trauma. I won't bore you with details, but there has been so many permutations of trials over years. We have found out so much about each other and about our faith because of this child - we have been tried in the furnace of suffering. But as we continued on over the years with him, the Cross of voluntary suffering made us see in real, practical ways that we truly were in the steps of Our Savior who suffered for us, in order to change us. That suffering was not to be avoided, but embraced. That suffering facilitated spiritual advance. The changes over the years in this, our first Asian adopted child, slowly, ever so slowly, revealed the purpose of our Christian lives: saving souls that were lost, including our own - we were all being changed, thanks to the Sacraments, thanks, especially to Confession and wise, orthodox Catholic Priests who held our spiritual hands.
Then, we considered another beautiful child, but ... why just one ... wouldn't it be nice to bring two children home at once so they won't be lonely? Ok. Two it is - sister and brother. Minor disability in one, slightly larger disability in the other - different than before, slices of life outside Aqua’s "The Plan".
And then, another, a Down Syndrome baby? Hmmm ... As a young Protestant, before I ever married in fact, I used to fear having a child with Down Syndrome. I say it with shame that I used to pray that my future child would not be born with Down Syndrome. So very practical, my thinking. So economically and personally better it is *for me* not to have to deal with Down Syndrome and all obvious future implications.
So, my wife asks me a very loaded question - "what about adopting *this specific baby girl* who happens to have Down Syndrome"? Ooof! I watched the little video clip of her from her orphanage I don't know how many times - over and over and over I watched this child with Down playing on a mat, with her care-givers, she's playing this and that, personality (which has never changed, btw) oozing from every fiber of her person, and I just couldn't get past those sweet, simple, guileless eyes. And then, I also remembered those in my Catholic experience who had children with Down Syndrome. It was not abnormal to see families with children with Down Syndrome within my circle of Catholic friends - I knew about these children in my new Catholic life. And I, as an act of will, reaffirmed my Catholic Faith - "you say you are a Catholic, but only want perfect life? You can't take this additional step, because it is too unpredictable, too scary, too ... "un-planned "? THAT is not acceptable ... Give yourself to this child".
Great story. Thank you for posting.
Wow! Such a remarkable man and su h an inspiring testament.
Thank you for posting his story.