This makes me intensely bitter, and maybe that's sinful.
I lost a child, a 20 year-old beloved son when I was a member of a large Holy Spirit-led healing church. I didn't get a lot of support from the staff. The next Sunday, they had a special speaker, who talked about a sick child, and he talked about his pain when he thought he would lose that child - and he asked: "God, why?"
I was deeply touched, and felt the same way.
In the next breath, he said the child was saved! "Praise God!" from the congregation.
But where did that leave me? Faith is easy when God answers prayers, and these churches demand we pray because they tell us God will give us what we want if we do.
But what kind of failth do you need to maintain the love of God when he DOESN'T answer prayer?
These people have a cheap faith.
We had a little ministry in that church, but were always considered to be outsiders. What kept me there was the fact that it was a very good place for our ministry, and I saw people healed from spiritual, mental and emotional problems time and time again through our little group. Not my doing, but blessed by just being there to witness the work of the Holy Spirit.
Over the course of a year we saw people relieved of alcoholism, and three people suffering from chronic life-long depression were relived of that ailment. (How often to do you see that!) It was encouragement to me to keep doing what we were doing!
The pastor, in the prayer groups would constantly ask for miracle of healing - "I want healing of sickness and disease - cancer, life threatening illnesses! That will bring people in this town to Jesus!"
I pointed out to him the people who we witnessed being cured in our group... "Well, that's nice." he said, "Nothing wrong with that. But I want big, dramatic healings!"
Jesus had come and was healing people right in front of us, and he couldn't see it. Thank God the Holy Spirit was able to work with us, despite this guy!
That pastor's wife told the story of her young son, as a child years ago, diagnosed as very sick... she prayed, and suddenly he was healed! Proof, she said, that God hears, loves us and answers prayer!
So, where does this leave me? I guess by her logic God doesn't hear my prayers, love my or answer my prayers.
After my son died, some of my Christian friends never spoke to me again. (Many remained close, and helped me through that time.) But virtually no help from any of the pastoral staff. I didn't fit their model of what they expected from God, I suppose.
I remember sitting in a branch of that church where the pastor knew of my struggles. He just seemed to get a blank look on his face when I cried during prayer groups. One Sunday he turns toward the group of his "favorites," the little inside clique of the church, all seated together. He frowns and starts the service with "We just received some terrible news. We heard Rick Warren's son died. It's a surprise to us when we hear about terrible things happening to good Christians."
I was sitting 15 feet away from the guy. He knew my struggles - but he was better able to show concern and compassion to someone 3000 miles away that he had never met, than he was able to express to a member of his own congregation that he knew was struggling with the same thing!
I had to come up with my own money to bury my child - we had the service at a different church, by my ex-wife's request, and I certainly had no problem with that. The funeral home let me pay the bill over several months, and when I could afford a plot I bought one, and I paid for the stone in monthly payments over a period of about a year.
It's what the members of the congregation have to do. We're not bless and taken care of like the pastoral staff.
Unanswered prayer is, I think, the hardest thing we Christians deal with. To cry out for deliverance and not receive it can be so demoralizing.
I will include you in my prayers.
Praying for you. I can relate to some of your story and pain of loss. As other commentor said “unanswered prayer” or as I see it, some times the answer is different than what we wanted.
God’s glory is what every happening is supposed to be all about, not my wants. Some times God’s glory comes through a way that is in line with my wants and prayers to God and some times He reveals His glory through opposite what I prayed and wanted, by the growth He does in and through me and those around.
The lives touched through the person’s passing and even after the person is gone.(doctor’s, caregivers, friends, etc etc lots of people see and experience a portion of the events around a person’s illness and passing and maybe we never get to see big changes in other people God makes?) It’s amazing all the chain of events that God can use and string together from prayers answered as we want and those answered different than we wanted.
mayny years ago I grieved the loss of a loved one and could not bear to speak their name for 5 years without bursting into tears. more recent I lost an even coser loved one and by then I had grown to realize God does reveal His glory even our pain, God does work allthings - even the most tortuous happenings in our lives - for good.
Prov 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart, and lean NOT on YOUR OWN understanding.....
He knows our pain. God had to deal with the death of His only begotten son. Thank God we believer’s know we will be reunited and have eternity together.
YES - there are those who believe answers to prayer should always be as they want. They are not following Jesus in my opinion.
God be with you always :)
I too have lost a son, our 15 year old “joy boy” to a tragic accident. He was full of laughter and joy. I found him several hours later. I have seen the worst thing I will ever see in my life. While I believe in raising the dead, I knew he was really gone. There was a hole in my spirit where I used to feel him. I didn’t even pray for him.
I now just wait for my turn to join him with our Lord.
Sometimes the things we write disappear into the void without an echo. Just wanted to let you know I read every word of what you wrote (multiple times), and have been thinking about it quite a lot (even though I am not a religious person). You didn’t waste your time writing it.