I married into a family that, it turns out, has a lot of mental illness and depression running through it. I've gotten to know just how deeply their dark spells change them. My empathy for people who suffer through that, people like yourself, is very high. I sincerely hope that you're doing well now. When you feel those dark thoughts, I pray you'll find a way through to the other side without doing anything to harm yourself. People do care.
+1000!