Posted on 10/12/2015 8:32:47 AM PDT by Salvation
A 2012 report on men and marriage by the Pew Research Center shows statistically what many of us have noticed anecdotally: men are finding marriage less desirable than in the past and are now marrying later, if at all.
In today’s post I want to present some excerpts from a hard-hitting article that appeared at Lifesite News in 2013, commenting on the Pew study. The full article can be read here: Men Giving Up on Marriage.
As usual, I present the text from the original article in bold, black italics, while my own poor commentary is in plain red text.
Fewer young men in the US want to get married than ever. … The number of young adult men saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent [since 1997].
The latest census data showed “barely half” of all adults in the United States are currently married, a “record low.” Since 1960, the number of married adults has decreased from 72 percent to 51 [percent] today and the number of new marriages in the U.S. declined by five percent between 2009 and 2010.
Moreover, the median age at first marriage continues to rise, with women getting married the first time at 26.5 years and men at 28.7 [years]. The declines in marriage are “most dramatic” among young adults. Just 20 percent of those aged 18 to 29 are married, compared with 59 percent in 1960.
In my mere 26 years of priesthood, I have seen the number of weddings I perform each year decrease from 35 to 5, and the average age of engaged couples increase from 24 to 31. These are startling changes, and they largely match those experienced by other priests with whom I have discussed the matter.
29 percent of young adult men desiring marriage is an amazingly low figure. The article notes that the things that once motivated men to marry in the past are largely in eclipse now. Men once enjoyed the esteem they garnered by marrying, and were motivated by the challenge of being breadwinners. Getting married was once a proper and approved way of attaining status, and legitimately enjoying sexual intimacy. It was part of the passage to manhood.
But today, many (if not most) women don’t need (or don’t think they need) men to provide for them economically. It’s goodbye to any notion of the esteem of being a provider.
Further, in an age of promiscuity, most men don’t need marriage to open the door to sexual encounters. Only a few “old-fashioned” Catholic priests and traditionalist Catholics raise any eyebrows at men’s “playing the field.” And women as a group (with certain notable exceptions) seem less insistent on expecting men to connect sexual intimacy and marriage.
Add to this the financial bondage introduced by the racket that college education has become. Many young people graduate from college with six-figure debt. And when undergraduate degrees no longer open doors, advanced degrees became necessary, bringing on even more debt.
And finally, add one more thing: pornography. It is more available than ever before. And though it is theoretically more privately accessible than previously, I would point out that there is nothing private about the Internet; Internet service providers know every site you have ever visited.
Sadly, many young men honestly admit that they prefer pornography to real women. Pornography doesn’t talk back or have preferences or moods. Real relationships are complex and require navigation and negotiation. Pornography, it would seem, is a narcissistic paradise. Click through to your current preference; it’s all about you and what you want. And at the end, the object of your fantasy disappears and does not have issues or attitudes with which you must deal.
The overall image is of a cauldron, filled with a witch’s brew or a satanic stew. That men and women marry at all today is increasingly miraculous. I always make a point of congratulating and thanking engaged couples that get to my rectory door for beating the odds and having the gumption to swim upstream.
Pew’s findings have caught the attention of one US writer who maintains that feminism, deeply entrenched in every segment of the culture, has created an environment in which young men find it more beneficial to simply opt out of [marriage] entirely
Suzanne Venker [in her] article, “The War on Men,” … points out that for the first time in U.S. history, the number of women in the workforce has surpassed the number of men, while more women than men are acquiring university degrees. …
With feminism pushing them out of their traditional role of breadwinner, protector, and provider—and divorce laws increasingly creating a dangerously precarious financial prospect for the men cut loose from marriage—men are simply no longer finding any benefit in it. …
“When I ask [men] why, the answer is always the same: women aren’t women anymore.” Feminism, which teaches women to think of men as the enemy, has made women “angry” and “defensive, though often unknowingly.”
“Men are tired,” Venker wrote. “Tired of being told there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren’t happy, it’s men’s fault.”
Most men I know perceive that they are often considered by the wider culture as deficient, even depraved. The “men are stupid” commercials and sitcoms abound. Men are often presented as buffoons, who need women and children to “set them straight” on the simplest of things.
Schools, dominated by feminist ideology, have made a pathology of the normal behavior of boys, which includes competition and roughhousing. They seek to feminize boys, going even so far as to encourage medication for them. Most of these boys merely have the spit and vinegar that was once considered normal, needing to be curbed somewhat rather than suppressed with drugs.
It is little wonder that fewer young men make it to college and are falling behind young women in almost every category. Being told (even indirectly) on a regular basis that you are fundamentally flawed has a significant effect over time.
The article says that feminism has emboldened many women to direct suspicious anger toward men and generally presume that they have bad or evil motives. But it has also caused a lot of men to draw back from the healthy confidence that once bolstered them to go out and seek a wife and to take a leadership role in the community, the Church, and the family.
A feminist culture in effect shames these desires as being “patriarchal.”
This is a situation that should not be celebrated by feminists, Venker says. “It’s the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex … The fact is, women need men’s linear career goals … in order to live the balanced life they seek.”
Yes, in the end it’s usually the biology that kicks in. Truth be told, men and women are meant to be complementary not competitive. Our very body bespeaks a difference that requires the opposite sex to complement it. The design of women’s bodies speaks to bearing children and nurturing them.
A woman who wants to have and raise children well needs time and flexibility. The 9-to-5 career world does not facilitate that. Thus her husband complements her need by taking up the linear and less-flexible career world, leaving her freer to nurture the children.
This used to be obvious to us. But ideology is often disinterested in the obvious. It may be true that we were once too restrictive, limiting certain jobs and careers to men. But for most women, the freedom to work has become the duty to work, even in the childbearing years. It’s a raw deal for everyone: women, men, and especially children.
The bottom line is, it’s never good for anyone, or for civilization as a whole, when huge numbers opt out of or find no access to our most fundamental building block: the traditional family. We must save traditional marriage if we stand any chance of saving our dying civilization.
For further reading, consider Men and Marriage by George Guilder and Eggs are Expensive, Sperm is Cheap by Greg Krehbiel.
also probably the billions of crime/police dramas on tv. we are swimming, on purpose, in hundreds of crime/police shows on tv. on purpose. for cops,on ‘purpose, and for us, on purpose.
Yeah, what man wants a lib woman screaming about her vagina, demanding abortion and pay better than his.....and she rants about the “war on women”, while he shudders at the obvious war on men that she is blind to. Yep, I can see how that would shut down any talk of marriage and family.
Whygive up trying to get it back? The other side doesnt just roll up anddie when stuff doesnt go their way. they double down. look how tht has served them the last fifty years being in their fights for the long haul. you have to really believe in what youre doing. make it a life mission.
whatever yor pet cause, or the thing you believe is the most important thing to fight for. it wont be the same for everyone. support other stuff and what others do, but focus on one thing as a mission and put your personal energies behind changing the stuff you just cannot abide being destroyed by the liberal socialists.
please be careful with Andy- He’s very subtle in his deviating from the word on many issues- You have to listen carefully to what and how he says things- most of his message does sound grounded I n the bible, however, you wil l find with careful listening that there is just something wrong with what he says at times- Again, it’s subtle, but it’s there- He’s also constantly saying “The bible is just a book- it’s not important- people In old testament didn’t even have the bible, it’s just a bunch of books all put together for convenience sake, and that’s not what’s important, your belief is what’s important etc etc etc- Listen for this and you will hear him constantly saying it- almsotl ike he’s trying ot drive people away from studying God’s word at times-
You can find an archive of his sermons online at the church he preaches at (who apparently told a gay dating couple they could not serve In church because they were still married to women and were ‘committing adultery’ by dating each other- the two got divorced from their wives, married each other, and now serve In another North Point Ministries church under that church- This isn’t because of andy, but it’s telling that andy still preaches at this church -
[[The most puzzling and shocking part of the message was the illustration and the account of the homosexual couple, however. The inescapable impression left by the account was that the sin of concern was adultery, but not homosexuality. Stanley clearly and repeatedly stressed the sin of adultery, but then left the reality of the homosexual relationship between the two men unaddressed as sin. To the contrary, he seemed to normalize their relationship. They would be allowed to serve on the host team if both were divorced. The moral status of their relationship seemed to be questioned only in terms of adultery, with no moral judgment on their homosexuality.]]
on the issue of Kentucky clerk he said:
[[“Evangelical pastor Andy Stanley leads North Point Ministries, the second largest church in the U.S. He told me he finds it “offensive that Christians would leverage faith to support the Kansas law.” He said, “Serving people we don’t see eye to eye with is the essence of Christianity. Jesus died for a world with which he didn’t see eye to eye. If a bakery doesn’t want to sell its products to a gay couple, it’s their business. Literally. But leave Jesus out of it.”]]
http://www.standfirminfaith.com/?/sf/page/31150
There’s more- but andy apparently has problems with the bible- He states for example that he believes in adam and eve not because the bible says they were real, but because Jesus said so- Stanley says this stuff all the time- Apparently not realizing that the bible IS the word of God, and the word of God- Stanley keeps downplaying the IS Jesus- Stanley keeps downplaying the importance of God’s word yet we know from God’s word that God’s word IS important
Timothy 3:16-17:
All Scripture is God-breathed and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.
[[But it’s also important to see that Jesus’ allusions to Adam and Eve derive from his belief in the authority of the Old Testament. As he assumes the historicity of Adam and Eve, he is at once affirming the total truthfulness and trustworthiness of his Bible—the Old Testament. ]]
From “Andy Stanley’s poison pill for the doctrine of scripture”
Jesus reaffirms the truthfulness of the bible, Stanley downplays the bible time and again-
Like I said- Andy’s ideology is very subtle, and casually listening to his sermons, many of us will miss these things he says- because we aren’t listening for them- but He IS saying them and even reiterating them time and time again
men do not want to marry someone who is constantly trying to be in control and fighting them on every little decision. there is one captain, not two. if they want to be the captain, they are on their own.
It used to be when marriage was honored more and women forced men to wait until marriage before engaging in sexual intercourse, men wanted to get married.
And what exactly are the men doing the same?
Certainly not gentlemen.
even dating the wrong type can get you messed up forever. vindictive, can cause you a whole lotta trouble.
a bit crass but old: Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free.
i had a girl friend - friend - who we did stuff with for awhile, and she spent a decent amount of time each time bashing guys. i had to stop hanging out with her. and this was in the early 90s.
I have two sons who are apparently in the same boat. I say “apparently” because one is off at college, and I know he dates, but rarely and not seriously. The other one ... never. He cares about running and video games, nothing else.
100% true in that regard.
Plus there seems a huge lack of honesty, telling lies about the smallest issues. Makes no sense.
If you are honest and “decent” your a pushover, if your aloof and indifferent your a jerk.
If you try and walk the tightrope, you do not exist.
Add to that the extreme bias of marital law against men right now.
i was just addressing the issue from the perspective of wht men are running from marriage. But yes # 8 should have been that there are more gay men now...
Find a wife from overseas and get a pre-nup. American women (sorry ladies) are the worst in the world.
I have a 19 year old son and a 15 year old daughter. My son states he will NOT ever get married.... my 15 year old said she would “consider” it but under very strict guidelines (they know each other for years, he proves his faithfulness etc). Okay... I had a huge argument with my son over his opinion. Me: “don’t you ever want to find a nice girl? What about children? Don’t you want to share your life with someone? (and finally with me yelling) I don’t know why in the heck your are so jaded. Your father and I have been married 25 years and have known each other 30. We ARE still together”. Son’s response: “Mom.. you and Dad are the exception and not the rule”.
His comment silenced me (and yeah.. that isn’t EASY to do). He’s grown up in a generation where most of his friends are from broken home.. and kids talk to each other. The whole step parent fiasco, the split weekends, the arguing over who gets the kid for Christmas and the constant fighting. So.. I don’t blame this generation of people.. I blame MINE and the people a bit younger. We screwed it up and the children suffered.. and now we are all surprised and saddened by the statistic that young people aren’t interested in going through the torment that their parents did.
Will look at it more closel when I have time later this week.
Thanks.
I really don’t care, I’m not looking to marry a man, so it doesn’t concern me.
The state has made marriage a VERY bad proposition for any man, under all circumstances. There's simply little more than legal misery for those men who succumb.
And, for those who say "not all women are like that", I say BS. There's a BUNCH of otherwise Christian women out there who took their husbands and the father of their children to the cleaners...because they found out they could.
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