Not necessarily…. There is a third possibility here that hasn’t been mentioned and in my view, it’s the most frequent by far. Let me explain…. I’ve met a few women who claimed to be lesbians and in every case, they also claimed to victims of sexual abuse in their youth. This has happened frequently enough that it seems like there is a common source to their homosexuality, at least for females. In fact, on a few occasions after being informed of their lesbianism, I’ve gone out on a limb and said something along the lines of “so how old were you when your mother’s boyfriend started sexually abusing you?” On each occasion, they have said “how did you know about that?” to which the response is “well that is when you started to hate men, wasn’t it?” I suspect that a background of something like this is behind approximately 75% of the women who call themselves lesbians.
As for males who call themselves ‘gay’, it seems to be more complicated than for women but no doubt there is a portion that also come from a background of sexual abuse…. It is often said that the abused becomes the next abuser. I also suspect that a bunch of the wrong connections happen during the sexually formative years when the individuals are bombarded with messages and experiences at the same time as their testosterone levels are climbing out of control and they really don't know what is going on. I have been told by a pastor friend that he has personal knowledge of quite a few cases where those who ended up calling themselves homosexual actually were involved in threesomes as part of their first sexual experience(s). The implication to this is that a young man might not get sexually aroused if in the presence of another young man but if there is a woman in that mix, that sexual arousal happens automatically. Once aroused in that state, confusion sets in and it may cause him to automatically get aroused by a man only on a future occasion. If that happens, then the confusion is complete and he may interpret it as a sign that ‘he is definitely gay’. And once down that road, it is almost impossible to break free.
The above doesn’t explain all cases but it seems to explain a very high proportion of them. For some, it was a choice that came about as a result of bad decisions and not knowing how and why it is important to protect your sexual nature as God commanded..….and for some it almost seems like it developed as a consequence of what was thrust on to them by others (no pun intended). For none was it the case they were born that way. There are so many Bible verses that come to mind when thinking about this…… God will punish the ones who perpetrate this sin on children….. Matthew 18:6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Regardless of how one came to a life of sin whether by choice or by others force it upon him/her, God has the formula to fix it all….. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Sexual abuse is one of the main causes of the homosexual orientation in both men and women. An even bigger one for men, in my opinion, is an absent or distant father. A boy has to recognize his masculinity in his father or he can continue in his original attachment to his mother and become gender-confused. There’s really no such thing as “gay”, it’s Gender Identity Disorder (GID). I highly recommend the work of Dr. Joseph Nicolosi on this matter.
The “born that way” lie/error is an attack on fatherhood. It’s saying that there will be no harmful effect on a boy who’s fatherless. In addition to the confusion of the homosexual orientation and the attempt to absorb maleness through compulsive sexual activity, fatherlessness drives things like illegitimacy, violence, drugs, gangs, poverty, dropout rates, prison sentences and early death in America’s inner city war zones.