Posted on 08/31/2015 11:26:42 AM PDT by xzins
In my opinion, only God can truly answer this question. Spouses are encouraged to spend extended time in the Word and obedience to it, as well as extended times of prayer and fasting, and seeking godly counsel. All destructive relationships and toxic counsel must be severed as you seek to answer this question.
Many great bible teachers are divided on this issue. Some believe that remarriage to another is never allowed unless one of the spouses dies, but others suggest that it is permissible when adultery and abandonment occur. Much of the controversy centers on Matthew 5:32 where Jesus says, "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
Remarriage is not the issue here; manipulation and abandonment are. I appreciate the words of J. Nolland on this point: "The normal understanding of Mt. 5:32b runs the danger of leaving the woman involved a double victim: she has been divorced by a husband who may well have rejected her at his own whim and is now to be barred from any new relationship because she bears the stigma of the 'divorcee'.
Matthew 5:32 has a twofold warning: 1) Do not divorce without cause. 2) Do not pursue a relationship with someone who has abandoned their spouse. Unfortunately, many add, "If you've experienced divorce, you cannot remarry—period." Not only does the text not say this, this statement actually condemns someone for the actions of another: Forbidding remarriage because of the actions of the previous spouse.
One thing is certain, if the Scriptures on marriage and divorce were fully taught and acknowledged, it would create more serious consideration before marriage, and would be a great deterrent to divorce. Lack of regard for the Scriptures has taken us to the other extreme—no fault divorce.
I believe that God hates divorce; reconciliation is pleasing to Him. There are instances, in my opinion, when one is released through adultery and/or abandonment; however, reconciliation should still be sought. First and foremost, God's will is that we walk in integrity, follow His principles, use wisdom, be patient, and seek Him during the journey. For some, reconciliation may result, for others it may not.
When reconciliation does not occur, the enemy often resurrects past failures to hinder peace and joy. We become very fearful ... we do not want to experience the pain of divorce again.
If you are separated, or recently divorced, and are lacking peace and joy, I encourage you to rethink your current situation. Confusion, anxiety, fear and some forms of depression are sometimes indicators that we are outside of God's will. (Please note the word "sometimes".) One of the biggest obstacles when considering restoration or seeking direction is becoming involved with someone soon after you divorce or separate. This can severely hinder your chance for reconciliation, as well as your ability to follow God's lead. Avoid this at all costs.
God has given us the freedom to choose, and, in marriage, the choices of one will affect the life of the other. If your spouse has left, and you've waited and have done all that you can do biblically, I believe that God will consider your heart more than your circumstances. King David was not able to build the temple because of his past—he was a man of war, but God said, "Whereas it was in your heart to build a temple for My name, you did well in that it was in your heart" (2 Chronicles 6:8). Contextually, this verse is not dealing with marriage, but the overlapping principle applies: Because David's heart was right, God continued to direct him.
Many often thank the Lord for using divorce to bring them back to Him. I don't believe that God causes divorce, but He does use it to bring the prodigal son home. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin; rejecting Christ is.
Clearly understand that I'm not advocating divorce, nor am I saying that if you are currently separated that divorce become an option because better opportunities await you. God hates divorce and anyone who has been there knows why.
I must reiterate: I believe, first and foremost, in reconciliation and restoration but these are not always options. That's why a personal relationship with Jesus and obedience to God's Word is profoundly important. Through that relationship you will be able to make the right decision. It won't be easy because lives have been damaged, dreams destroyed, and promises broken, but God continually redeems us through His forgiveness as we forgive others. God desires that we know His will and follow His lead, especially during the detours of life.
Many divorced Christians carry years of regret into future relationships. If God is doing a new thing, it's vitally important that past brokenness does not prevent future plans. But if God is ministering restoration in your spirit, wait for it; contend for it; pray fervently for it. I also encourage you to remove everything that may hinder restoration (e.g., wrong relationships, strongholds, addictions, anger, u-forgiveness, bitterness, etc.), and seek Him wholeheartedly and unconditionally. He will direct you ... this I know.
The Mosaic Law allowed divorce without qualification, as long as the rejected wife was left with a decent legal status. Jesus said this was allowed “because of the hardness of your hearts,” and set another standard.
I think it’s important to remember that the key issue in most cases is not, “I need to get away from the horrible situation with Spouse A,” but “I want to have sex with Spouse B.”
No reasonable interpretation of Scripture mandates continued cohabitation with a spouse who is violent or otherwise seriously harmful. The complications arise when a person pro-forma married wants sex with someone other than the spouse. Then you get into the sifting of details regarding whether Marriage A was a “real” marriage or not.
Is that in the bible?
From a Biblical perspective, it absolutely IS adultery. It covers the entire gamut of sexual sins including homosexuality. Unless you are part of the Bill Gothard cult...
Not by Jesus - Mark 10
Mark 10 verse 9.
One need only read the bible and compare related scripture with scripture to find what the Bible has to say about marriage and divorce. There is a tendency to choose what one wants. Marriage is until the death. Romans 7:1-3 makes this clear. A woman or man is bound until the death of the spouse.
Romans 7 explains that in our unsaved state we are bound (married) to the law. Only by our death through faith in Christ are we free to be married to another, that is Christ. Since he will not die again and neither shall we (John 11:25,26), that union with Christ will never end.
Cults which teach that earthly marriage is eternal ignore the bibles clear teaching on this subject. Death terminates marriage and there is no giving or taking in marriage in heaven. (Matthew 22:29,30)
I think there are different rules for Catholics and non-Catholics. Would like to hear from other denominations what their rules are.
And we need to remember that Christ pre-empts the Old Testament of Moses’ bill of divorce.
Ephesians 5:1-33
But does the cause of divorce automatically assume remarriage? It is one thing to nullify the contract, it is quite another to infer eligibility to engage in another contract. Rom 7 interprets divorce according to Torah quite harshly: The woman is bound to the man until death - divorce or no. Upon the man's death, she is free to marry and free from committing adultery...
One can infer the same for the man, though it is made murky in that a man can, in many Biblical instances, have more than one wife - But if the woman he might intend to marry is a divorcee, and not yet widowed, he is certainly committing adultery, just the same as she.
The term “divorce,” historically includes”free to marry.” Especially true of Bible times in the Middle East, where for a woman to not be married was to be put in a position of awful vulnerability at best and a rape and death sentence at worst.
Regardless of the answer, good luck stopping them!
Thanks.
I honestly thought that was simply a traditional phrase used at weddings.
Abuse, desertion, failure to support. Are these perhaps encompassed in infidelity or adultery?
I’ve wondered, watching a friend collapse with guilt having separated from a truly vicious, sadistic, belittling and contemptuous spouse. I look at the woman taken in adultery, then hear sharia style interpretations of physical adultery somehow being magic, and a full spectrum of other oppression being OK. I guess I just don’t buy it, that narrow definition of adultery.
It's good that you mentioned this, because the suppositions you make are worldly, of the mindset of the children of Satan, and not of the Biblical culture of mature Christ-followers. In fact, the essence is missed by the author of this article as well.
The keys to this are that:
(1) The context is that Gospel of Matthew/Levi is primarily addressed to the Jewish culture at the time of Jesus' earthly ministry, and only secondarily to the general Christian population in later history.
(2) The audiences for his teaching in Matthew 5 were His disciples with multitudes overhearing; and in chapter 19, Pharisees with disciples looking on.
(3) The "escape clause" found in 5:32 and 19:9 apply only to the Jewish marriage contract which under the Law was composed of a trial period of espousal of the husband and wife, during which the couple (most particularly the wife) remained celibate to avoid any taint of their first-born child being a product of an illicit relationship.
(4) Even during the espousal period, the couple were fully and contractually husband and wife, a quite different scheme than today's "engagement" followed by instituting the legal husband-wife bond only finally at the moment of the civil or religious rite of solemnization of the vows.
(5) The "exception clause" did not then, nor does it now in Gentile society, apply to the couple whose marriage consummation occurred on the wedding night, with cohabitation continuing thereafter.
(6) The last chance to exercise the "exception clause" in a Jewish marriage on the morning following the bridal night of consummation, and then only if the husband finds that she cannot prove her virginity. Going on living as man and wife, even for one night, erases any justification for "putting away" ones marital partner.
(7) The consequence of adultery under the Mosaic Covenant is not the separation and divorce as practiced by Gentiles: the penalty is death for the adulterers; and freedom to remarry by the "innocent" party.
(8) Otherwise, under the New Covenant, if the couple desire and are permitted to divorce, either of the couple joining to another in a marital bond, even as common-law cohabitation without solemnization, is remarriage adultery.
(9) For a remarried couple in which either or both are committed to following Jesus, the only solution is for them to cease to cohabit, to remain celibate, with both carrying our their responsibilities to any issue of the union, as well as to support each other in other material ways that do not compromise their standing before the Christian community as obedient servants of the Lord.
(10) Please recall, this is exactly the situation Joseph found himself in when his espoused wife Mary was found with child before they came together. Under the Law, he could have asked for her death by stoning. but his gentle heart caused him to contempate "putting her away privily" so as to avoid an unwelcome fuss; but the Angel of the Lord appealed to him to go on, giving the reasons why. And Joseph complied.
These are the facts.
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Of the author of this article, Shane Idleman is claimed to be a Bible-preaching pastor, of whom it is said (on his web site):
"But when truth is sacrificed for the sake of relating to the culture, as we see today, the very foundation is destroyed. Truth, the foundational beliefs clearly outlined in Scripture, must remain unmoved and unchanged. Times change, but truth does not!"
Now, that is a nice thought, but in this article he is not quite willing to step up to the plate, grit his teeth, and preach what the Bible says, without fear of the smoking replies that would result.
Instead, he backs water and preaches a watered-down gospel that gives permission for the popular (but not with his recommendation) solution for the perplexed believers who yearn for another companion when the separation has become very real. Though a popular preacher, he is apparently not yet spiritually mature enough to stand up for Jesus and against the crowd of naive chapel adherents which really needs this admonition.
To balance this comment, please know that it is coming from a man who was divorced by his wife in 1972, and has determined not to be remarried, according to Scripture. I cannot tell you how many compensating rewards the Lord has provided to offset this unwanted event, but He has more than supplied everything needed to gain s knowledge of His Comforting Presence that would never have been available had I not followed His Will regarding marriage.
Be thus instructed, eh?
No. failure to support definitely not a cause in either case. Abuse may demand separation, but divorce for that is not in God's repertoire. If the mate is heathen and wants divorce, let them go without complaint--don't abase yourself by clinging to the other. But remain unattached. Remarriage is not God's plan if you want to stay close to Him and get His support; and for sure, one-night stands are not a part of it either. Or for your children.
All this has sound, clear instructions on marriage from the NT pastoral letters.
Separation from sin and abuse, yes; divorce, no.
Good summary. And then the disciples said, "In that case, it is not expedient to marry." The demand for divorce and remarriage is no new thing.
Matthew 19:9 says exactly that:
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality,[d] and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
I don’t buy it. I see this used as a weapon for the most vile people to beat their spouses into chattel. Diversion from worshiping God is often termed adultery. I think the definition is broader that sexual infidelity.
I’m sorry. If you stood at an altar and took vows you are joined together in the sight of God. Divorce is a painful reality in a broken and sinful world, but don’t blame it on God, or give people an out that they were never really married.
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