A man walked up to a Franciscan and Jesuit and asked, "How many novenas must you say to get a Mercedes Benz?"
The Franciscan asked, "What's a Mercedes Benz?"
The Jesuit asked, "What's a novena?"
A man goes to confession for the first time in 30 years. The priest ask what his sins are and the man tells him that he has worked in a lumber yard for 30 years and that every single day for that 30 years he would steal a piece of lumber. The priest says for your penance I want you to make a novena, do you know how to make a novena. The man thinks for a second and says “Not really, but if you got the plans I sure got the lumber.”