“I’ve fallen and can’t get up!”
We’ve all seen and heard the commercials; of an elder in need.
Perhaps we (well; Catholics anyway) need a Last Rights MP3 player©. An authentic prayer, by an authorized priest; will state YOUR name in a personalized message that will be SURE to get straight to Jesus. (Mary’s not even needed this time.)
When you find your life ebbing away, and no priest is near; merely press the button to save yourself a time in purgatory.
Operators are standing by to take your order.
Only $39.99 (plus applicable taxes and S&H) will reserve YOU an early entry into Heaven.
Choice of colors are available. (Pewter and Gold seem to be the favorites.)
I'd make that "only three payments of $19.95". It sounds less expensive.