The Hardest Place for Us to Take Our Special Needs Child? Our Church

life news ^ | Jesi Smith

[Morgana]

I am new to this journey. My daughter Faith is only 5 years old. She is mentally and physically disabled, still small enough to carry, quiet . . . mostly, and has not developed the larger, louder, and strange movements and sounds that many older people who are mentally and physically disabled seem to develop as they try to express themselves – yet.

We have taken our daughter to concerts, plays, movie theatres, political speeches, pro-life fundraisers and community events, and spend a lot of time in hallways and lobbies when she does get loud. However, we’ve found that the hardest place to take a child with special needs is to church. We have found the cardinal sin of the Sunday service is not sexual immorality, lying, theft, or heresy – no, it is having distracting movements or loud sounds during worship or the message.

jesismithHe is probably in his early 40’s and he is mentally disabled. Every week his mom brings him faithfully to church. There is a section in the back of the sanctuary where many families sit with their children of all ages with special needs. It is definitely a group that makes a joyful noise during worship and after the offering is taken, they all leave to go to a special class during the sermon. But this week was different. Her son was playing the tambourine that he brought every Sunday to worship God — one of the only ways he expresses praise to God, when a member of the church staff came up to him and asked that he not to use it in service anymore. It was disturbing to other people and it was distracting the band on stage. The mother was crushed, embarrassed, and offended. This is not supposed to be a concert, but worship from all the people, right? She had worked hard all these years to take him — a grown man, which is no small task — out of the sanctuary when loud, and for years, has taught the special needs Sunday school class. She often is unable to join in the worship or listen to the sermon herself, so that her son and others like him can be taught the word of God. Now the one place that both her and her son could join with the church in the praise and worship was not available to her either! Why work so hard to come if even during a loud praise and worship service with everyone singing , keyboards, drums, and guitars he was not able to join in? Was his worship so offending among hundreds of others who may be clapping offbeat or singing off-key that he was asked to stop? So now, put the church on the list of all the places that your special needs child cannot go and participate.

Do not get me wrong: I know children can be a distraction and need to be taken out of the service when loud, whether a crying baby, fidgeting toddler, or even my special needs daughter, but is there never to be a church that gives the mentally and physically disabled enough time or grace to stay in and adjust to a service? Is there no place for the disabled in corporate worship? Must they always be sent out to the lobby alone or to a room to sit alone? Many may not realize they and their parents have probably sacrificed more than most other church members just to show up to church. They probably have spent hours with parents or caregivers getting ready and getting in and out of their vehicle with wheelchairs, walkers, and medical equipment. They have likely spent most of their week in the hospital or battling illness at home, and this may be one of the few Sundays they could even come to church this year. However, they will not spend this Sunday with the body of Christ being ministered to, but out in the hallway in shame.

If the church truly wants to serve the “least of these” – whom Jesus urged the Church to make a priority, are they not the disabled? Now ask yourselves this: How many people with disabilities come to your church? Where are all the people with handicaps anyway? Sure, they seemingly have little to offer the church — no money, no volunteering, no inviting their friends, they may be unlovely to look upon, make weird noises, have improper behaviors, spit more than normal, throw up routinely, and do not even offer “acceptable” praise and worship. Many of them are unwanted even by their own parents. (Over 90% of babies with a disability like our daughters – Trisome 18 / Edwards Syndrome – are aborted.) They are a group who cannot speak for themselves, cannot go where they want to go, or even eat or go to the bathroom without help , and accordingly, they ought to be honored as the most patient among us! The disabled who have been brought to the church are among the blessed few. First, they are blessed to be alive, cared for, and well enough to attend; and second, they are blessed to have a parent or caregiver who love them enough to battle the process of getting them to the church. And so, I implore you — please do not send them out into the lobby or to an empty room to sit alone after all they have struggled with and endured just to make it into your doors!

My final thought for you to ponder is an unfortunate update on the mentally disabled man with the tambourine – he refuses to play it anymore.

LifeNews Note: Jesi Smith and her husband Brad are pro-life speakers with Save The 1, from Rochester Hills, Michigan. They’ve just recently received a personal 1-minute video endorsement from Rick Santorum.

[Hoodat]

See post 20.

[luckystarmom]

Our church provides buddies for special needs kids. The parents go to church, and the child participates as much as possible.

[katnip]

“the band” on stage should have included that man in their group. How joyous it probably would have made the disabled man feel, and useful.

“the band” leader is unkind. I wouldn’t go to a church like that, that separated the disabled people. Creepy.

[luckystarmom]

Partcipates in Sunday School.

[GeronL]

Church is not a place, it is the people.

[Slyfox]

I go to Mass at noon. These are the following in attendance every Sunday:

~ One boy about 10 or so who is mentally retarded and he is small enough that his father still manages to pick him up and hold him on his hip.

~ A set of 80 year old twins who arrive late. One of the twins is slightly senile and twirls one time just before he sits down.

~ At least one Down Syndrome baby about three years old who sits in the back and "sings" along with the choir.

That is just at one of the Masses at my Church. When I have went to Mass at other times there is a whole different set of disabled people in attendance.

I went to one Mass in Arkansas one July 4th weekend and the announcer said at the end of Mass, "And we will now sing 'God Bless America,' " and a young Down Syndrome teen said out loud, "Oh thank you Jesus!" That was really sweet and the parishioners loved it because they made a collective chuckle.

People who need us more than others are here to make us more human.

[MamaB]

Amen.

[Alex Murphy]

The mother should have taken her son to the Pentecostal church down the street, there the son could have hit his tambourine and fit right in.

The thread material was great. Then someone decided the thread needed a slam against non-Catholics.

[Morgana]

“Beside the homily, we pretty much know what’s going on.”

We had a priest that spoke so soft and low. Yes what you said it true till you get a priest like that. Then when this priest gets up to preach the sermon and that two year old in the back decides to belt it out like an opera singer. It would happen every freaking week! Have no idea why they did not take the kid to the cry room! Made me so angry. I guess that was their little darling and they just had to show her off even though we all knew she would belt it out just as the priest was going to speak. Never failed. Really sometimes it’s not the children it’s the parents who are not considerate.

[vladimir998]

“The music is for God - not for you.”

That’s why I said “participate” and not just “enjoy”. Pay attention.

[ozaukeemom]

I used to go to a church that had a family service and a more formal service. It worked out well.

[vladimir998]

Well, maybe this parish pushed more for “family worship”?

[Morgana]

“Then someone decided the thread needed a slam against non-Catholics.”

That was not a slam. I happen to have a lot of friends who are Pentecostal. I actually dig them. I was merely pointing out that the man in this story would have fared better at that church. I know this having been to a Pentecostal church and seen their tamborine collection.

[hoagy62]

At my church (Southern Baptist), we have what they call the 'Sunshine Room". It is for special needs kids. Volunteers staff it and make sure that it's a safe place for them to watch Christian kids videos (cartoons, VeggieTales, etc.) and play.

Why did they do this? My daughter, mostly. She's 13 now, severely autistic and developmentally disabled. She cannot sit through a service and be quiet.

Back about 5 or 6 years ago, when they started the Sunshine Room, we also had a couple of Downs Syndrome kids. All 3 of them would play in the room without incident. Over the next couple years, the two families with Downs kids moved on, but we still had my daughter.

These days, it's getting harder to find volunteers to staff the room. At least one Sunday a month there isn't anyone, so either my wife or myself have to stay home to watch her.

I'm glad there are churches out there who do what they can to help out this special kind of "the least of these".

(And for those who view these children as distractions and nuisances...I have this mental picture of you...

You might think of asking the Lord what HE thinks of these children.)

[papertyger]

I brought my son up and had them lay hands on him. Something broke loose at that service and he began to speak. Today he no longer has autism.

Oh come on now; that would take a miracle ;-)

[vladimir998]

“I doubt this man’s tambourine in the back of the sanctuary is making it impossible for someone to hear.”

So people were complaining for no reason at all? Really? You don’t think that people RIGHT NEXT TO THEM might not have had a problem hearing the music?

“Your comments indicate that you’re exactly the kind of person this woman is writing about.”

Maybe I am, but the problem might be this woman’s inability to see that she is helping to cause a problem that might be easily adverted if she were as generous of spirit as she demands everyone else be.

I don’t mind crying babies at Mass - I expect plenty of them in my parish where every single family follows Humanae Vitae. What I can’t stand is when parents allow their kids to wail, scream, and shout for minutes at a time rather than simply remove the child from the sanctuary for a few minutes.

[Alex Murphy]

I am working toward starting a church specifically for the disabled. I just started another thread so I need to keep checking that one, but I’m going to come back to this discussion when I can.

If you weren't aware of it before, I highly recommend Corrie Ten Boom's short book on that very subject, Common Sense Not Needed. She also mentions it in her book The Hiding Place

"Your other activities, Miss ten Boom. What would you like to tell me about them?"
"Other activities? Oh, you mean - you want to know about my church for mentally retarded people!" and I plunged into an eager account of my efforts at preaching to the feeble-minded.
The lieutenant's eyebrows rose higher and higher. "What a waste of time and energy!" he exploded at last. "If you want converts, surely one normal person is worth all the half-wits in the world!"
I stared into the man's intelligent blue-gray eyes: true National-Socialist philosophy I thought, tulip bed or no. And then to my astonishment I heard my own voice saying boldy, "May I tell you the truth, Lieutenant Rahms?"
"This hearing, Miss ten Boom, is predicated on the assumption that you will do me that honor."
"The truth, sir," I said, swallowing, "is that God's viewpoint is sometimes different from ours - so different that we could not even guess at it unless He had given us a Book which tells us such things."
I knew it was madness to talk this way to a Nazi officer. But he said nothing so I plunged ahead. "In the Bible I learn that God values us not for our strength or our brains but simply because He has made us. Who knows, in His eyes a half-wit may be worth more than a watchmaker. Or - a lieutenant."

[Raycpa]

Don’t discuss with pastor or elders, just make large public rant. Hint_ that is not best way or christian way to handle issues like this/

[Hoodat]

Fortunately, God is in the miracle business.

[PastorBooks]

“I brought my son up and had them lay hands on him. Something broke loose at that service and he began to speak. Today he no longer has autism.”

Wow... praise the Lord!