From the popcorn gallery:

An Orthodox man gets on the train and takes his seat.

After a while, he notices an Orthodox Cross on the man next to him.

After a while longer he asks, "Sir, I couldn't help noticing you're wearing an Orthodox Cross. Are you an Orthodox Christian?"

The passenger answers, "Yes, I am."

The man says, "Oh! I am too! Are you Greek or Russian Orthodox?"

"I'm Russian Orthodox." The man says,

"Ohhh, so am I! Are you Old Calendar Russian Orthodox or New Calendar Russian Orthodox?" "

I'm Old Calendar Russian Orthodox." The man says,

"Alleluia! I am too! Are you Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox or Old Calendar Pro-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox?"

"I'm Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox." The man says,

"Ooooh! Well, I am too! Are you Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist Russian Orthodox, or Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Old Ritualist Russian Orthodox?"

"I'm Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist Russian Orthodox." The man says,

"Well, glory to God! I am too! Are you Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist Old-Man Trinity Icon-using Russian Orthodox, or Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist non-Old-Man Trinity icon-using Russian Orthodox?"

"I'm Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist Old-Man Trinity icon-using Russian Orthodox."

So the man says, "Aaaaaaa, you damned heretic! May you burn in hell forever!"

Emo will GET you!!!

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?"

He said, "Religious."

I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

He said, "Christian."

I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

He said, "Baptist!"

I said,"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of GOD or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

He said, "Baptist Church of GOD!"

I said, "Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of GOD, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of GOD?"

He said,"Reformed Baptist Church of GOD!"

I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of GOD, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of GOD, reformation of 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of GOD, reformation of 1915!"

I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

-- Emo Phillips