Posted on 03/17/2014 2:43:57 AM PDT by markomalley
A radio listener recent wrote me about an interview I did on EWTN Radio with Barbara McGuigan. I mentioned that I had been doing a teaching on dating and modesty at a Theology on Tap Session. At that session I charged the men not to leave that night until they had asked a woman out on a date.
This intrigued the listener who wanted me to expand on this just a bit and what if anything she could do to get the twenty-somes in her family (both male and female) to start dating again. Here is something of the response I penned:
Yes I suppose it was on EWTN Radio’s Open Line show on Valentine’s Day that you heard me. As for what to say, it is difficult. The culture of course is dismal today when it comes to meeting something and something we used to call “dating.”
I was telling the young people, at that theology on tap meeting that, back when I was in high school and college, we used to do something called “dating”.
This strange and currently lesser known behavior involved a young man picking up the phone, or perhaps asking a girl in person, to go I’m something known as a date. This involved an actual activity such as the two of them having dinner together, or going to a movie together, or perhaps some other function, together (as in, just the two of them).
He would ask her and she would either agree to go out with him, or not. If she did, he would actually get into his car, and go to her house, and ring the doorbell. He might even meet her parents if she still lived at home. Then he would actually take her somewhere, such as to dinner, and he would spend money, his own money, on her. He was then supposed to bring her back to her own home at a reasonable time. Perhaps if it went well, she might give him a quick kiss, and agree to see him again.
Of course, I say a lot of this and jest, but what makes it strangely funny is that, although most young people of heard of the dating I’m describing, many seldom experience it with any real frequency. Back when I was in High School and College, the goal was to have a date every Friday or Saturday. Frankly very little was on T.V. Friday nights, since it was presumed that most young people would be “out on dates.”
We are living in a very strange world. At any rate, the first thing I think we can do is tell funny stories like these. When I do so, I hope to tweak the young men into some change of behavior where, instead of just hoping to see certain women at group functions they actually seek to court a particular woman, and even more, search for a wife.
As a priest in Washington DC, I talk with a lot of young women and am shocked that so many of these very beautiful women are seldom asked out by men. It’s just crazy! What’s wrong with young men? If I were still young and dating I’d be asking them out!
Some folks blame pornography and surmise that many men prefer fantasy to real women. Others blame the breakdown of the Church and family that used to help facilitate meeting and dating through dances and other socials. Others blame the hook-up scene (hooking-up is NOT dating) wherein men and women gather more in groups, arriving independently and “hooking up” with whoever. Promiscuity also devastates marriage, since there is very little incentive for men to commit to marriage when they get one of its central motivators (sex) for free. And if marriage isn’t a real priority, why court a woman. And is marriage and courting are unnecessary why date?
Perhaps you can state other reasons. I don’t want to be unfair to men. These are complicated issues. But traditionally it was men who took the initiative and most traditional Catholic girls still feel like that is how it should be.
But frankly, I also have to tell a lot of young women today that, like it or not, they’re going to have to take some initiative. For example, if they see a young man who they would like to ask them out, perhaps they can go right up to him and say, “It’s alright to ask me out.” or, “Ask me out you fool.” Or, “when are you going to get around to asking me to dance?”
Back when I was in school, I had several young women who wanted to signal me that they were interested. They would often send words through one of their friends who would say something like, “She likes you, ask her out.” And in many cases, I would oblige!
My college sweetheart got things started with me that way. I was really surprised she wanted to go out with me, she was so very very pretty, I didn’t think she’d be interested in an ordinary guy like me. I also figured she probably had lots of other suitors. So this was important information for me that she was interested, and I acted on it immediately. I practically ran up to her and asked her out.
I am interested in your thoughts, especially if you’re a young adult. What’s going on here? Ultimately I think its pretty serious since it is tied in with the cultural demise of marriage and also the rise of promiscuity. Help me, nearing “codger” status, to understand the causes, and also venture some solutions.
That may be a good plan for young men these days. Then again, if sex and children outside marriage are bad, then everyone staying single means the Christian community goes extinct in less than a century.
Lol
Ouch
If an objective man reads this thread he can learn a lot about women
Good
Bad
Ugly
And scary
BTW...lack of dating
I had to date to get laid except in exotic places
I blame feminism and loose girls
Girls at that age fall for the charming cads. Nice guys are not exciting enough. They want bad boys. It's even better if the bad boys are vampires, werewolves, or sadists (check out the popularity of the "Twilight" series and "50 Shades" series). The girls are willing to go with the bad boy even if they know he's also seeing multiple other girls. The result is that the bad boys get exhausted, and the nice guys wonder why the girls are not interested.
I was "nice guy" in my high-school days, didn't get much attention. In college, I put on a bad boy persona and got plenty of attention.
What happened in times past, was that girls HAD TO find a marriageable guy fairly early in the game. Being a single corporate lawyer by day who slept with bikers by night, was not an option. So the girls found a guy who would be a secure husband who the parents would approve of.
Things appear different now. The girls think they can date bad boys til they're 35, then find a nice guy to settle for. Many get upset when this doesn't work.
Baby eh, If I called you that you’d be screaming.
If you’re trying to argue the divorce laws are fair then you are either a liar or on fantasy island. The deck is overwhelmingly stacked against men to the benefit of women.
Are some men cads? Certainly, but in the end that rarely matters as the man is going to get screwed. So why should men be in a hurry to sign up for that? Its not like they cant get sex without the ring.
More women are graduating from college then men and yet women are still whining.
I was responding to the comment that we’re instructed to get married. Its more complex then a simple instruction.
Marriage is a good thing. Its good for man, woman, and kids. Its good for the country and for future generations.
Liberalism & feminism have almost destroyed marriage in the US. Even ‘traditional’ men and women tend to be far from biblical traditions.
He probably wasn’t ‘bad’ enough to attract the girls.
I remember hearing that in a documentary about the 1920s. The advent of the automobile had a lot to do with the "roaring twenties," particularly among the youth.
Modern communications will probably never be reeled back in again, but in-person supervision in youth should be ramped way up, IMO.
Absolutely.
I’m a Christian, not Catholic, former lesbian, in my 40’s. The Lord has led me away from what I have a college degree in from a secular school, English, because, as He showed me, the imaginations of the world are prideful, without hope and intending to cause moral confusion. So I work a low-wage job instead, but believe I have a close relationship to the Lord. In the modest life I lead, I have no end of men and women in their twenties who want to initiate a sexual relationship with me, saying “age is just a number.”
It saddens me to see how confused they are in looking for love and trying everything the world tells them to try today, and of course then they don’t find it. I see these young people, and others, like this woman in her 20’s with several children taken from her by the state, who’s pregnant by one man but going to be with her true-love fiancee in another state, as she tells me. In almost the same breath, though, she remarks about the hickeys on her neck. And, she posts Bible verses on (Cont’d)
Facebook and seeks prayer for one of her children, adopted out, who needs surgery. The family she came from is broken itself, and she’s heavily into Miley Cyrus, everything vampires, etc. What so many young people need are older Christians to open their lives to them, care about them, and be people they can dependably turn to, without there being expectations that things will get better quicky. The moral confusion is so bad today that it can take a long time for young people raised in it to become familiar with God’s ways.
Wow, you have a gravity in your words that I really appreciate.
Thank you for your insight. Please continue endeavoring to follow God in your walk and may God bless you.
Thank you for your encouragement. For whatever’s worthy in what I write, I credit the Lord. I used to write about things before the Lord, from my own experiences and “wisdom,” and I know the difference. Thanks again!
A young man--or, for that matter, a man of any age--should feel downright privileged to share, for even a little while, the company of a good woman with a complementary personality. Just hopping into bed with a quick "hookup" is hardly the same thing...
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