Posted on 03/17/2014 2:43:57 AM PDT by markomalley
Msgr Pope ping
Parents stopped parenting and became the kids’ friends instead.
I still “date” my wife after 38 years. At least that’s what we call it......
I recently learned that now kids have friends, or friends + benefits.
The article brings back memories of a better time in life than what we are seeing today. What happens now is two people meet in a bar someplace, have a few drinks, climb into bed and never see one another again. Not what I consider a long term relationship that started out with a simple “date”. We are NOT animals (although there are a lot who act like it) that senses a female “in heat”, chases her until he mates with her and then leaves to seek another.
Morals in this country have spiraled downward too far. It may never return.
The feminist movement is what happened.
They told us these ideas of courtship were relics of an oppressive chauvinist era. Hooking up, abortion, venereal disease and single motherhood are so much better.
Young people need immediate gratification. Nothing “takes time”. I meet a lot of young couples (I’m a Realtor) that have met through Match.com etc. There they can meet the “perfect mate” and then “hook up”.
Nobody is interested in fostering relationships and there is a dismissive and avoidant mindset amongst most young women. You have to constantly prove your intrinsic value constantly, and are treated as if you are easioy replacable. The level of distrust for the sake of distrust is... the “suspicion” is overwhelming.
It make you just want to throw up your hands and not bother with the whole process.
I know I offer a great deal in terms of a traditional dating relationship... I have been told outright how trustworthy and reliable I am... attentive, kind, loving... but when it comes down to the crux of the biscuit, women don’t really appreciate that... they have their own unrealistic fantasies.
It’s nothing other than catalog shopping.
If you’re the taller fellow on your about page, I think I’ve discovered the mystery to your dating problems.
When they get older and can't get away with that kind of BS anymore the tears will start flowing and will be oh so unfair that same-age men are looking for younger women or going overseas to find brides.
Indeed, funny that. My last attempt at dating was the girl distracted by other guys around and walking off to some other dude to play games checking if if was going to follow her like a puppy dog. Also I have been asked by girls but only to have plans changed on me the last minute.... followed by blue moon 2 am booty calls waking me up in the night. After that they complain they cannot find a guy trusting them or playing counter games.
Yeah. That is the cheap “I get it for free” culture these days. People will get what they pay for.
No... I am the guy with the bionic arm... they call me “just a cripple”.
Considering the state of divorce and family law why would a young man really want to get married?
Its a stacked deck.
Dating is hard and expensive. Today women are easy and cheap. Why buy the cow etc.
“Considering the state of divorce and family law why would a young man really want to get married?”
Considering the fact that today’s men are either metrosexual wimps or emotionally abusive, why would a young woman really want to get married?”
It’s all in the teleology.
Young ladies have power that they don’t realize they have.
My older son is in college. Most people don’t “date” regularly and few people form relationships oriented toward marriage. There are some folks who are “in a relationship,” which mostly means that they have sex exclusively with each other, but not with any great long-term commitment.
Yet, it seems, some marriages do result from some of these relationships over time. Many young folks DO want to find husbands and wives, and DO want to marry, but the social conventions under which they labor frustrate their secret desires.
My son, one of a small set of Rigid, un-Frankian, Judgmental, Morally-Stern, Antequarianly-Chaste Catholics on campus, has had no lack of pretty, sweet, interesting, intelligent young women to date since arriving on campus a year and a half ago. And the dates are old-fashioned dates. An afternoon at the museum. Dinner at the club. A movie. A Catholic social event. A school dance. He’s also engaged in “group dates” from which he’s identified young ladies wishing to be dated one-on-one by him.
He also has been very firm about three rules, and very public, as well. He is interested in dating romantically to find someone to marry. She must be (or become) a Catholic. No sex before marriage.
Although I don’t think anyone openly ridiculed him (he’s in a place that is surprisingly tolerant), I know that he raised many eyebrows.
He has had no lack of young ladies interested in having a more serious, exclusive dating relationship with him. In fact, his girlfriend last semester was a young girl brought up as an atheist who was willing to consider conversion in order to further the relationship toward marriage. Once he realized that her inability to accept the concept of Original Sin doomed the relationship, he broke up with her. But, even though they had a pretty deep emotional bond, because they’d never had sex, the break-up was sad, but reasoned, without much drama. The young lady agreed with his conclusion that although they both had very strong feelings for each other, their respective worldviews were just too different to enable them to form a happy, permanent relationship.
Swiftly, he found himself sought out by another young lady to date seriously who had almost literally been “waiting in the wings.” She is a fallen-away Lutheran who is more than willing to come into communion with the Church in order to marry him. I suspect that they are much more compatible, and it would be unsurprising if they were to eventually marry. But if they don’t, my son is aware of other young ladies on campus who would love the opportunity to date him seriously.
Many, many intelligent young women are starving for good, decent men who want nothing more than to find someone to love them with all their hearts as Christ loves the Church, and to date in order to find the right person who will love them in that way. But few young men seem ready to emulate my son’s model.
His young gentlemen friends are astonished that it’s as if the young ladies line up to date him, with the goal of determining whether or not marriage to him is a realistic prospect.
My son’s a bright guy, has a sterling personality, is kind and generous (but also has a biting wit), is a good, honest, decent, loyal friend, is pretty good looking, and hard-working. But on his campus, there are plenty of smarter, handsomer, stronger, brilliant, hardworking young gentlemen of good character, too.
But they are merely taking their cue from the ladies, most of whom give no overt signals that this is what they want from their male prospects. When my son went to college, he was pretty firm about how he was going to conduct himself. But he told us that he despaired of finding anyone who wanted to date seriously, take the time to form a deep relationships, take delight in each others’ personality, who wanted to explore the possibility of marriage, who would understand the importance of sharing religious faith and belief, and who would be willing to wait for marriage. The young ladies weren’t giving any signals that they were receptive to such overtures, that they would like to date, rather than just all go out in groups, or keep it all “just friends,” or engage in casual sex. Even the girls in the Catholic Student Association didn’t seem to engage in the flirting and behaviors that encourage the gentlemen to ask them out on real dates.
However, knowing upfront my son’s intentions, absolutely not one young lady has turned him down for an initial date. A couple ladies have had previous engagements for specific events to which he’d asked them, but they made quite clear to him that they would like to be asked out again by him for a more mutually-convenient time. “I’m not interested,” hasn’t been in the lexicon of any young lady he’s asked out.
And among his gentlemen friends, many wish they would attract the ladies thusly, as many are secretly marriage-minded, too. But they’re trapped within social conventions which are sub-optimal and lead to messy, damaging relationships that hurt everyone all around. Or no relationship at all.
When one denies the purpose of things, one frustrates the means as well as their end.
Why get married?
Because the bible says, regarding those who are the object of our passion, “it is better to marry.”
For the "Feminists" is surely is as it destroys men and fatherhood and replaces it with governments becoming the Sugar Daddy and running their lives in exchange for scraps of money.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.