Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!”
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on – very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”
The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”
Now where did I put my screen wipes. I need to get the Mountain Dew of my monitor.
3 hours later he returns. He goes up to the first lady and says "Sorry for the wait. Did you mind?"
The lady replied "Saint Peter, I've waited 76 years to get here. I didn't mind at all."
"Oh, good," said Saint Peter, "Just before you can go into heaven, please spell God." "G-O-D" the lady replies, and in she goes.
The second lady gets the same treatment. Saint Pete asked the thir lady did she mind, and she replied "Saint Peter, I've waited all my life in grocery store lines, in movie-ticket lines, at the RMV, and now even at heaven's gate! Yes I did mind. Truth be told, I'm peeved off!"
Saint Peter smiles ingraciatingly. "Well I'm very sorry. You just have to spell one word before you can go in."
The lady, having seen the other two ladies, starts "G-o--" Saint Peter cut her off. "Oh no ma'am, your word is Methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminylarginyl...isoleucine*."
.
*Chemical name of titen, a protein molecule, FYI.
That was great!
My neighbors wife is spoiled rotten. Spends like a drunken lotto winner.
Her husband tells me for her birthday she wants something that goes from 0-200 fast, and didn’t care what color it was.
I suggested he buy her a bathroom scale.