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Thank each and every one of you for your beautiful thoughts and prayers. Such comforting thoughts, and saved several of them. I like the Lord's prayer in French, fitting because she was of French ancestry, also the Rose Behind the Wall, one I think is Eastern, and the comforting words to me that I didn't fail, all of them; every prayer matters, and reminders about Our Lord's suffering and His prayers. Thank you for reminding me; he asked to let the cup pass but accepted His Father's will so that as many as possible might be saved through his sacrifice.

I'm sure we've all had what we thought were failures in our spiritual lives. This wasn't the first time, the kind when you storm heaven and hope for a different outcome, even though I concluded with "Thy will be done." It won't stop me from praying. I know better now to try to make bargains with God (did in the past) and to ask for a sign. So the best I can do is leave it in God's loving hands; often he uses sorrows to bring about a greater good, and hearts heal as time passes.

Hope I didn't miss anybody, and blessings to all!

First, I'm taking her photo down because I don't want somebody to find out I used it. Don't worry, I'll have it. My ex emailed it to my daughter, and she let me save it when she checked her email here; I didn't tell her about this thread. Somebody did the artwork on it, and it's nice.

Your prayers, mine, and whoever prayed at the shrine may have been the only prayers or spiritual comfort she got. I'm not excessively mourning, life has to go on, but she died early Friday morning, my son goes to the hospital because his father wanted him there with his wife (and said she's taking it hard) to identify the body and whatever has to be done because she died at home, then off to work, then off on vacation for the weekend. I asked him how could he go and have fun right now, meaning so soon . . .he had promised his kids. After the autopsy, her body was going to be taken to a funeral home/crematorium in the neighboring state, visitation, cremation, then her mother was going to scatter her ashes back in their home town. She came here because she wanted to die here, and my daughter said Francie had told her she wanted to be cremated; I stayed out of that. There are still people here who would remember her and care about her if they knew what happened to her.

My daughter says people just can't stop their regular business. I know that. All my relatives for generations were buried the customary way but one (or a few I don't know for sure).

Now no obit, no death notice in our local paper or hometown paper I could find, no visitation, no funeral or memorial service here I know about, so says my son when my daughter called to ask about all that tonight, and my ex is off on a business trip today. I own four nice grave sites in a small town cemetery and offered through my daughter (some time back) how she could avoid most of the expenses and offered one of the grave sites. It would have been awkward, 50 miles away, but there was that. So that's not going to happen.

I don't know if this is the place for it but I can't think of a better one, and the last four deaths close to me there were cremations for various reasons. Two of my daughters want to be cremated. I don't want to offend peoples' sensitivities, sometimes there is no choice.

I know a lot of people prefer it these days, sometimes they can't afford anything else, sometimes they just like the idea, but I'm a traditionalist and believe in some kind of Christian burial of "something" like the 911 families, some of which were denied even that comfort.

So what would be your ideas of my getting my family together and we have a private memorial service for her for any willing to participate? I asked my son if he'd had their new baby baptized. He said he did it. What can a grandmother do? I can also have a mass offered for her. I don't want to raise a big stink about it and it may not be all as I said here because news filters in in bits and pieces.

Without getting into sectarian bickering, am I overreacting and burial doesn't matter any more because of you know, environmentalism, personal preferences, but I think of Jesus? He was buried according to tradition (by sundown according to Jewish custom; there is usually a time lapse now, I have no problem with that), and most Christians of all denominations for centuries have been given Christian services of some sort unless they were some poor soul who left no survivors or some exigency where it wasn't possible. I know people out there are grieving because they don't have the money to claim relatives' bodies and have a funeral for them because of the economy. It must be heartrending for some and not bother others.

According to Catholic tradition, burial of the dead was considered a corporal work of mercy, a duty. I think in the old testament, there were blessings associated with it, burying any dead, particularly strangers, can't remember the particular scripture.

Sorry to take more of your time, but I'd appreciate thoughts. And I'll just pray about it, what someone in my position should or shouldn't do. Maybe we should just let it be and hope I'm not being a bother to you people? I don't really have anyone right now from whom I can seek spiritual advice of this sort. Thank you.