Prayer request

Prayers up for the repose of Francie’s soul and for the comfort of you and all who loved her. Your prayers did not fail, as God hears all prayers.

Thank you, Bigg Red. My oldest daughter was just here and told me things I never knew.

She did have faith and deserves a special place in heaven for what she went through; daughter assures me she is there, too.

First, I'm taking her photo down because I don't want somebody to find out I used it. Don't worry, I'll have it. My ex emailed it to my daughter, and she let me save it when she checked her email here; I didn't tell her about this thread. Somebody did the artwork on it, and it's nice.

Your prayers, mine, and whoever prayed at the shrine may have been the only prayers or spiritual comfort she got. I'm not excessively mourning, life has to go on, but she died early Friday morning, my son goes to the hospital because his father wanted him there with his wife (and said she's taking it hard) to identify the body and whatever has to be done because she died at home, then off to work, then off on vacation for the weekend. I asked him how could he go and have fun right now, meaning so soon . . .he had promised his kids. After the autopsy, her body was going to be taken to a funeral home/crematorium in the neighboring state, visitation, cremation, then her mother was going to scatter her ashes back in their home town. She came here because she wanted to die here, and my daughter said Francie had told her she wanted to be cremated; I stayed out of that. There are still people here who would remember her and care about her if they knew what happened to her.

My daughter says people just can't stop their regular business. I know that. All my relatives for generations were buried the customary way but one (or a few I don't know for sure).

Now no obit, no death notice in our local paper or hometown paper I could find, no visitation, no funeral or memorial service here I know about, so says my son when my daughter called to ask about all that tonight, and my ex is off on a business trip today. I own four nice grave sites in a small town cemetery and offered through my daughter (some time back) how she could avoid most of the expenses and offered one of the grave sites. It would have been awkward, 50 miles away, but there was that. So that's not going to happen.

I don't know if this is the place for it but I can't think of a better one, and the last four deaths close to me there were cremations for various reasons. Two of my daughters want to be cremated. I don't want to offend peoples' sensitivities, sometimes there is no choice.

I know a lot of people prefer it these days, sometimes they can't afford anything else, sometimes they just like the idea, but I'm a traditionalist and believe in some kind of Christian burial of "something" like the 911 families, some of which were denied even that comfort.

So what would be your ideas of my getting my family together and we have a private memorial service for her for any willing to participate? I asked my son if he'd had their new baby baptized. He said he did it. What can a grandmother do? I can also have a mass offered for her. I don't want to raise a big stink about it and it may not be all as I said here because news filters in in bits and pieces.

Without getting into sectarian bickering, am I overreacting and burial doesn't matter any more because of you know, environmentalism, personal preferences, but I think of Jesus? He was buried according to tradition (by sundown according to Jewish custom; there is usually a time lapse now, I have no problem with that), and most Christians of all denominations for centuries have been given Christian services of some sort unless they were some poor soul who left no survivors or some exigency where it wasn't possible. I know people out there are grieving because they don't have the money to claim relatives' bodies and have a funeral for them because of the economy. It must be heartrending for some and not bother others.

According to Catholic tradition, burial of the dead was considered a corporal work of mercy, a duty. I think in the old testament, there were blessings associated with it, burying any dead, particularly strangers, can't remember the particular scripture.

Sorry to take more of your time, but I'd appreciate thoughts. And I'll just pray about it, what someone in my position should or shouldn't do. Maybe we should just let it be and hope I'm not being a bother to you people? I don't really have anyone right now from whom I can seek spiritual advice of this sort. Thank you.

You seem to sort of be being ignored during the whole grief process. I’m sorry.

I don’t think cremation is a sin, but, I don’t like it, because I don’t like the final image of burning, which is hellish in my opinion. I like burial, where the final image is sleeping, which I think is biblical - the person is at rest.

I am afraid that if you organize a memorial service you might get hurt even more, because I am afraid just because of the sort of indifference you seem to be describing on behalf of others that maybe few to no one would show up? And I’d hate to see you further hurt.

As a matter of discussion perhaps there is something significant you could do for her memory. For instance if she loved sewing perhaps you could donate a sewing machine amount to World Harvest or whatever it is called that gives sewing machines to needy families. Or if she loved gardening perhaps a special bench in your front yard near a particularly nice planted area in her memory. Something tangible and real that would give you a positive thing to do with your sorrow.

Hope nothing I said stirs sectarian wars, that’s not my intention, just responding to your post and hope my thoughts provide some comfort. I’ll be interested to see what others think.

You seem to sort of be being ignored during the whole grief process. I’m sorry.

Really, I don't because the situation between my family and theirs just the thought of being around them makes me uncomfortable. The two girls were the bond with me and my children.

I think those were wise words, that I might be hurt more. The Catholic rule is "for sufficient cause" and many martyrs' bodies were burned to ruin their hope of resurrection, but common sense would tell me in such a case it would make no difference whatsoever. God buried Moses.

She has lived far away for the last 28 years, and I don't know what she liked except her bike (and I now think it was a motorcycle), rode a regular one as a child, don't remember her being much interested in anything other than playing kid things. I mentioned she cooked. She really had no nurturing to get her interested in school or anything, no trips, no visits to the park unless I took them, maybe some shopping, her mom owned a business and made them work, didn't seem to care overmuch about clothes in spite of being pretty, feel bad I didn't know more about her likes and dislikes. She did enjoy gospel music near the end my daughter played on her computer at the hospital, think she could have been musical if she'd been given a chance in that direction.

Yes, you are right. I need to do something that will be comforting to me now, think a plaque or maybe I could put a marker or memorial in a park we all went to often, actually there were two. I'm starting to get a few more ideas. Thanks for your thoughtful post.

What a difference a day makes.

Her younger sister came to my back door early this afternoon, and told me who she was, hadn't seen her for years but would have figured it out after a bit. She wanted to thank me for coming to the hospital, handed me an 8X10 photo like the one I posted, and told me she had always loved me, and I told her I had always loved her, too. This is the bio daughter of my ex and his wife, half sister to Francie and my children.

I invited her inside because she wanted to see if we could read two disks they'd gotten from two hospitals, the xrays and doctors' reports. Evidently they discovered that years ago when she was in a bicycle accident as a child, some scissors had been left in her abdomen from the surgery which had caused her discomfort ever since. I think they were in pc format, and my mac could only open a few of the images. I told her to take them to my son's office and that there was a pc guru there who could help extract the data they needed. So we talked some more about a lot of things and a big hug when she left.

She was so sweet, is about 38 years old now, and had gone to the mortuary and put makeup on her herself, and snapped a photo with her cell phone. She looked so at peace and beautiful. She also gave me a little remembrance card and pin for when they donated her corneas to the state Lion's Club eye bank.

Then it came out that Francie had made her mother promise to have her cremated after her death and her ashes scattered on her grandfather's farm back home. So they plan to have a memorial service, and plant a red rose bush. Her sister said she loved red roses, so I'm going to email her the poem that ransomnote posted, The Rose Behind the Wall, and if it is their wish, they can use it at the memorial service if they want.

Her name is Angel, and it was like God sent her to me today. She, too, was feeling like maybe she hadn't done enough. I hastened to assure her there is always coulda woulda shoulda and said just leaving her family and bringing her here (I was fishing for the word heroic). Her mother's health is poor, and she was unable to do it herself.

Thank you all so much, didn't make a ping list out of this. I finally broke down and had a good cry after she left and feel at peace that she was truly loved and people are doing the best they can.

Love is God's greatest, most precious gift. There is no greater, and I'm so grateful for that. My oldest daughter called later and told me that Francie always talked about how much she loved me. She was a good, loving and kind person.

May God bless you all for helping and comforting me with your prayers and kind thoughts.

Thank you for taking the time to let us know what happened. I am moved by the tenderness of God that he would tend your heart by sending you an Angel! And I can tell that He was also ministering to Angel herself - she needed your words and big hug too. Nothing that burdens our hearts escapes Him - why do I always forget that? The Master Healer of broken hearts. Praise God and may He continue to bless you and your Angel, and all those who are understandably wrestling with losing Francie from this life, and striving for the patience to see her in the next life.

You’re welcome, thought it the least I could do. I sent the beautiful poem to Angel. It’s out there on the web, but I had never seen or heard it before, found a card with the poem illustrated with red roses. And she loved red roses it turns out. So thank you again for that. Blessings to all.