Episcopalian version is in the china closet, all nicely starched and folded ...
Love the visual! I wonder if the Taco Bell napkinists will one day become "white and delightsome"?
Posted on 10/15/2010 5:39:02 PM PDT by delacoert
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Most of us have had a Mormon Missionary knock at our door. If you have ever invited them in and listened to a presentation of their beliefs, you probably found most but not all of what they said very similar to those beliefs held by Christians. However, while trying to convince you that your Church is wrong and the Mormon Church is right, there are several points they intentionally leave out. Below is a list of Mormon beliefs the missionaries will be reluctant to tell you about: |
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They will be reluctant to tell you that the God they worship was not always God. |
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"We have imagined and supposed that God was God from all eternity. I will refute that idea, and take away the veil, so that you may see." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, pg. 345) |
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They will be reluctant to tell you that they believe Jesus Christ is the spirit brother of Satan: |
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"The appointment of Jesus to be the Savior of the world was contested by one of the other sons of God. He was called Lucifer, son of the morning. Haughty, ambitious, and covetous of power and glory, this spirit-brother of Jesus desperately tried to become the Savior of mankind." (Milton R. Hunter, Gospel Through the Ages, pg.15) |
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They will be reluctant to tell you that, according to Mormonism, Jesus Christ was a polygamist. |
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"I discover that some of the Eastern papers represent me as a great blasphemer, because I said, in my lecture on Marriage, at our last Conference, that Jesus Christ was married at Cana of Galilee, that Mary, Martha, and others were his wives, and that he begat children." (Orson Hyde, Journal of Discourses 2:210) |
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The grand reason of the burst of public sentiment in anathemas upon Christ and his disciples, causing his crucifixion, was evidently based upon polygamy, according to the testimony of the philosophers who rose in that age. A belief in the doctrine of a plurality of wives caused the persecution of Jesus and his followers. We might almost think they were 'Mormons'" (Jedediah M. Grant, Journal of Discourses, 1:346) |
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They will be reluctant to tell you that for at least half a century church leaders were teaching that Adam was really God and the only God with whom we have to do. |
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"Now hear it, O inhabitants of the earth, Jew and Gentile, Saint and sinner! When our father Adam came into the garden of Eden, he came into it with a celestial body, and brought Eve, one of his wives, with him. He helped to make and organize this world. He is Michael, the Archangel, the Ancient of Days! about whom holy men have written and spoken--He is our Father, and our God, and the only God with whom we have to do." (Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 1:50) |
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"I have learned by experience that there is but one God that pertains to this people and he is the god that pertains to this earth--The first man. That first man sent his own son to redeem the world..."(Heber C. Kimball, Journal of Discourses 4:1) |
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They will be reluctant to tell you that Brigham Young, who held the office of President of the Mormon church longer than any other man, taught that men must practice polygamy in order to become Gods. |
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"The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy." (Journal of Discourses 11:269) |
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They will be reluctant to tell you that the book of Mormon fails to contain any Mormon doctrine |
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Many portions of this Mormon Scripture even contradicts Mormon theology. |
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They will be reluctant to tell you about their secret temple ceremonies which, until April 1990, portrayed Christian ministers as hirelings of Satan. Nor will they tell you about the sacred underwear they are wearing which, they believe, actually protects them. |
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They will be reluctant to tell you that Mormon leaders have taught that Jesus was conceived by way of a sexual relationship between God and Mary. |
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"..how are children begotten? I answer just as Jesus Christ was begotten of his father. The difference between Jesus Christ and other men is this: Our fathers in the flesh are mortal men, who are subject unto death: but the Father of Jesus Christ in the flesh is the god of Heaven" (Joseph F. Smith, Family Home Evening Manual, 1972, pg. 125) |
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They will be reluctant to tell you that they believe the bible has been corrupted throughout the centuries and cannot be trusted fully by itself. |
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"I believe the Bible as it read when it came from the pen of the original writers. Ignorant translators, careless transcribers, or designing and corrupt priests have committed many errors." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph smith, pg.327) |
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"But the Bible has been robbed of its plainness; many sacred books having been lost, others rejected by the Romish Church, and what few we have left, were copied and recopied so many times, that it is admitted that almost every verse has been corrupted and mutilated to that degree that any two of them read alike." (Orson Pratt, The Seer, pg.213) |
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They will be reluctant to tell you that the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants, which they claim to be both sacred and without error, contradict each other many times. |
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For example, in the Book of Mormon, God called David and Solomon's act of polygamy an abomination, whereas in the Doctrine and Covenants He claims to justify it. Jacob 2:24 in the Book of Mormon says, "Behold, David and Solomon truly had many wives and concubines, which thing was abominable before me, saith the Lord." Section 132:1 in the Doctrine and Covenants, however, states: "Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you my servant Joseph, that inasmuch as you have inquired of my hand to know and understand wherein I, the Lord, justified my servants Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, as also Moses, David and Solomon, my servants, as touching the principle and doctrine of their having many wives and concubines." |
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They will be reluctant to tell you that they use Christian terms with Mormon meanings. |
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For example, a Mormon would probably agree with you that a person must be born again. To the Mormon, however, "born again" is a process which begins with water baptism. Another example are the words "salvation" and exaltation," which are synonymous in the Christian's mind. However, general salvation to the Mormon merely means the resurrection which everyone in the world will receive at death. Exaltation, or individual salvation, is the reward earned by the Mormon by following the laws of the Moron church. "Eternal Life" to the Mormon means Godhood. Regarding the word "scriptures," the Christian thinks of the Holy Bible while the Mormon could be thinking of not only the Bible but the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants and Pearl of Great Price as well. |
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They won't want to tell you that in order to gain entrance into the highest form of Mormon heaven, the Celestial kingdom, you must accept Joseph Smith, Jr. as a prophet of god. Faith in Jesus alone, Mormonism teaches, will force you to spend eternity in a lower form of heaven. |
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Tenth LDS President Joseph Fielding Smith stated in his book, doctrines of Salvation, that there is "No salvation without accepting Joseph Smith. The word "salvation," used in this context, must really mean "exaltation" because former Mormon apostle Bruce R. McConkie stated in his book Mormon Doctrine that general salvation is given to everyone regardless of belief. Personal salvation or exaltation to the highest form of Mormon heaven comes only by accepting Joseph Smith as a prophet of god and by following the laws of the LDS church. |
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They will be reluctant to tell you that their founder, Joseph Smith, Jr., made many false prophecies which, according to the Bible, would classify him as a false prophet rather than a true prophet of God. |
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For instance, in 1835 Smith claimed that the Lord would again come in just 56 years. We would gather from this "prophecy" that Jesus Christ would again come to earth on or before 1891; no doubt Joseph Smith was incorrect (History of the church 2:182). In 1832 Joseph Smith claimed he had a revelation concerning the building of a temple in Independence, Missouri. According to section 84, verses 4 and 5, of the Doctrine and Covenants, he stated this "temple shall be reared in this generation. For verily this generation shall not pass away until an house shall be built unto the Lord, and a cloud shall rest upon it..." to this day the spot consecrated by Smith fails to be the sight of a great temple, but instead is covered with a well-kept lawn. In fact, the Mormon church does not even own the land. |
Thanks. Things are busy but well for the most part. :)
Excellent point.
A "burning in the bosom" would NEVER be a Napkinese prayer effect...(flammable, donchaknow?) And Napkinists don't have to turn a blind eye to darn near everything in the Doctrine of Napkinese!
Galatians 1 : 6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— 7which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. 8But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! 9As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned!
Mad Republican, go and read the bible. A real bible and not the one translated by Joseph Smith. The truth shall set you free.
Great when it came to sins of the flesh. How many wives did they both have?
Okay, so are those brown napkins Taco Bell hands out an offshoot of the central napkin religion? And what of the verbal associations, like what the British call diapers: ‘nappies’? And then there’s that appellation a radio shock jock used, referring to the hair on the heads of the black girl athletes ... where does it all end? My pantry is a veritable revival! And the Episcopalian version is in the china closet, all nicely starched and folded ...
Oh joy! The oven timer is beeping ... my peanut butter brownies are done. In a few minutes, the vanilla ice cream will meet the warm brownies, and shazzzzzam!
Now that’s gonna be a ‘burning in the bosom’ fer shur.
Undecided readers,
If you're truly undecided religiously,
do you really want two punk kids just out of high school wearing a badge that says "Elder such and such" (how "elder" can these pimply-faced kids be?)
wearing their prescribed white shirt and tie uniform with a backpack
engage you in a convo where you know they are out to proselytize so you can go baptize dead people in their temples
which were started by a guy who had even more pimples
when he supposedly saw some visionage about two unnamed personages at age 14, 15 or 16, depending upon which version of that vision you are reading????
(I didn't think so)
Episcopalian version is in the china closet, all nicely starched and folded ...
Love the visual! I wonder if the Taco Bell napkinists will one day become "white and delightsome"?
Oh my! Now you’ve gone and done it. An exegesis of Elsiethon is sure to follow. Perhaps on Thanksgiving day, after the episcopalian wing have shown their ‘worthiness’ we will have a ruling from the grand council, just in time for leftovers.
now, M...you can’t mention that without providing the all-important questions required to acquire a TABLE recommend!
Where does the salad fork go?
Is there a soup course?
Wipe or dab?
YES! A table recommend!\
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That is hilarious.
Somehow I knew you’d have access to that list. Don’t forget ‘Do you point away from the plate when folded and in your proper place?’ And ‘Can the Hostess tent you when occasion calls for that extra touch upon the charger?’ Of course there is the standard ‘Are you without stain or blot?’
Wiping is for heretics...
Uh oh! This is the stuff of schisms!
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